A Sampling of Bestselling School Age Children's Books of the 80s and 90s, Part I

Welcome to part one of what promises to be an exciting and memory-charging series on school age children's books. For many of us now-avid readers, our elementary school years were an influential and formative time for developing and fostering our love for books. Week after week, our teachers or librarians would read aloud to us from some new and exciting children's literary option. As our skills progressed, we took great pride in spending out silent reading period devouring our very own chapter books. It truly was a simple pleasure.

These days, we often take our own literacy for granted. We spend hours at a time blankly staring into the pixelated void of a computer scren, unthinkingly consuming great chunks of information conveniently written at an 8th grade reading level. It can be an effort to recall those times for which a good book was a good cure for what ailed us. Even the most ravenous readers among us can all collectively admit that you just can't cuddle up with a Kindle. Or, I assume, bring it in the bathtub. I've yet to try that one out, but I think it's pretty safe bet you don't want to be reading off the equivalent of a literacy toaster while submerged in a body depth's quantity of water.

This Part I list is, as the name implies, only the beginning. I welcome any and all suggestions for other highly influential books from your formative school age years. Drop your favorites in the comments and hey, who knows? You might just see it in Part II. I'm looking at you, lurkers. Don't worry, though, I won't make you do all the work. I'll get you started with a few gems from my own reading-crazed childhood:


Sarah, Plain and Tall

If there was ever a book with the power to spark the interest of young girls in historical fiction, Sarah, Plain and Tall is a viable contender. Who would have thought that a story about a mail-order bride could be so touching and poignant? It may not sound like a theme that would resonate well with elementary school girls, but author Patricia Maclachlan tells the tale with great skill. Like the American Girl series, Sarah, Plain and Tall fooled many of us into an impromptu history lesson, transporting us to the world of 100 years prior. We may not all have set out with the intention of learning a history lesson, but MacLachlan sets us up to find one by default.


Indian in the Cupboard

We've come a long way, baby. I'm surprised the 2010 edition hasn't been retitled Native American in the Cupbaord. What the book may lack in political correctness it supplements with great imagination and stimulating creativity. Lynne Reid Banks gives us the story of Omri, a young boy whose disappointing birthday haul includes an Indian action figure and an allegedly boring cabinet. Insert one into the other--I'll let the smartest among you figure out which goes where--and the Indian comes to life as the miniature chief Little Bear. Some may rightfully argue it's not the most enlightened view of Native American culture, but the story is a compelling one nonetheless.


The Way Things Work

Technology and science can be confusing topics for young children. Luckily we had David Macaulay's to unlock their secrets in a comprehensible and engaging way, complete with his useful wooly mammoth sidekick. If you're looking for a way to trick a kid into enjoying perusal of a reference book, this may just be the book for you. They probably know better than to read about building a spaceship straight from the dry and colorless prose of the encyclopedia, but this beautifully illustrated and kid-friendly volume just might do the trick.


Superfudge

Some may not find Superfudge on par with Blume's preceding Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing, but it does give us a charming continuation of Peter and Fudge's story with the new addition of younger sister "Tootsie." Browsing Amazon leads me to believe a small contingency of uptight parents spoke out against the book's defiance of childlike belief in Santa Claus. I say give Blume a break. After all, she is Jewish.


Matilda

Roald Dahl gives us an interesting twist to consider: what if the children are smart, good-intentioned, and moral while the parents act out and carefreely disregard the rules? Such is the case in the wildly popular novel Matilda, the story of an extraordinarily brilliant young girl whose parents could care less about her seemingly limitless potential. The book is funny but also a bit dark, giving it a boost in the edge department. I'm still scared if I mess up at work I'll end up in the Chokey. Thanks, Dahl.


Hatchet

Gary Paulsen's Hatchet tells the story of 13-year old Brian, a brave young boy who encounters an unlikely adventure when the pilot of his single-passenger plane has a heart attack and plunges him into the mysterious depths of the Canadian wildnerness. While Brian is not much of an outdoorsman to begin with, he develops a keen sense of survival through the aid of his trusty hatchet. The book's vivid detail makes us long for wilderness adventures of our own, though my own preference of remote control fireplaces over the real thing leads me to believe the desire didn't totally resonate.


Walk Two Moons

Sharon Creech gives children a relatable and compelling character in her Walk Two Moons protoganist Salamanca Tree Hiddle. Like most children, Sal has problems with her parents, but unlike many of our benign grievances she's truly facing some difficult issues. The book transitions fluidly from the past to the present, weaving a complex tale. The story is pretty complicated for a preteen novel, but unlike many books aimed as young readers, it didn't insult our intelligence. There's something to be said for an author who takes child readers as seriously as they take their own literary endeavors.

The 90s' Favorite Canine Companions

I was actually meaning to write a post about some of our favorite 90s pups two months back when we adopted our dog, but I've been too busy rescuing semi-chewed wallets from the inside of his death-trap jaws and picking up the inner stuffing of his over-loved toys off of the floor to bother. All these TV and movie dogs are always too busy going on Incredible Journeys, professing their love for Taco Bell in Spanish, or rising to fame as canine basketball stars to bother with day to day walking, feeding, and general well-meaning terrorizing of their owners. With this in mind, I was almost certain adopting a dog would be similar to the experiences I'd seen in the entertainment of my childhood. I knew to be prepared for lurking villainous dog fur poachers around every bend and to keep on the lookout for opportunities for my dog to take me on a humorous kid-friendly trip into the world of classic literature. Overall, it was a pretty exciting prospect.

As of yet, however, none of these outcomes have really panned out. I thought the dog was about to transform my living room Wishbone-style into a Shakespearean drama complete with period costumes, but it turned out he was just trying to catch a moth. I haven't given up hope though; it could still happen. I'll be prepared with my Elizabethan snood and pantaloons when it does.

These famous canines may not have given us a realistic depiction of dog ownership, but their general adorableness and lovability makes up for the resultant misconceptions about their magical and athletic abilities. If we overestiamte our own dogs' ability for greatness, it's only because these lovable pups set the bar so high with their hilarious and frequently heartwarming antics.


Chance and Shadow from Homeward Bound




If only we could all hear our dog's innermost thoughts narrated by Don Ameche and Michael J. Fox. They would be alternately wise and mischevious, with a touch of "Dogs rule and cats drool" thrown in for good measure.


101 Dalmatians




After the release of the 1996 live remake of the animated Disney classic 101 Dalmatians, the demand for Dalmatian puppies exploded. The movie created a breed boom, stocking housefuls of vulnerable children with adorable but admittedly rambunctious dalmatians. While the movie pupies were spared the cruel fate of becoming Cruella's fur coat, many of their real life counterparts were frequently abandoned or mishandled. Let the lesson be learned: highly trained Disney movie dogs may be enticing, but that's not what you're going to get at your local pet store or shelter.


Air Bud




Now here's a dog with some serious prospects. Not only was Air Bud an incredibly skilled basketball player, but he later went on to conquer football (Air Bud: Golden Receiver,) soccer (Air Bud: World Pup,) and baseball (Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch) among other pursuits, including Air Buddies puppy spinoffs. If nothing else, this series deserves major props for what may be the most groan-inducing puns to ever grace a movie poster.


All Dogs Go to Heaven




With names like Charlie B. Barkin and Itchy Itchiford, what's not to love? Plus, they're voiced by Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise, some pretty impressive big names during the movie's 1989 release. Everyone learns a lesson, it's sufficiently heartwarming, and all the dogs get to go to heaven. All in all, a pretty good deal.


Otis from Milo and Otis




This originally Japanese movie was dubbed in English for Western release, detailing the cute story of a kitten and a pug puppy who make their way through all sorts of adventures, evenutally settling down with a cat or dog mate of their own, respectively. The animals are adorable, especially Otis, so it's a bit disturbing to learn of the animal cruelty allegated filed against the Japanese filmmakers. I'm just going to hope for the sake of my childhood innocence that the Japanese Humane Society told the truth in the closing credits that no animals were harmed in the filming of this movie.



Beethoven




Here's a solid example of a canine character that bombed with critics but resonated well with enthusiastic and easily amused audiences. Movie reviewers may not have been kind, but the movie's eponymous St. Bernard proved popular enough to spawn a slew of theatrical and straight-to-video sequels. Though I haven't seen Beethoven's Seventh, I can only assume it's equal parts hilarious big dog antics and cutesy symphony title jokes.


The Beast from the Sandlot




Now here is an example of a seriously scary movie dog. To the kids of the Sandlot, this mastiff was their most feared nemesis of the summer. It's pretty safe to say that while it all turned out okay in the end with The Beast, I doubt the demand for mastiff puppies surged as a result of the movie.


Comet from Full House




Here's a revelation: Full House's lovable golden retriever went on to play the title role in the film Fluke. His fur was dyed and apparently restyled to give him a more mutt-like appearance for the film. Turns out by default this makes Comet's post-FH acting career more successful than Stephanie Tanner's or Kimmy Gibbler's. Who knew?


Spunky from Rocko's Modern Life




You've got to feel a little bad for the house pet in a TV show populated by anthropromorphic characters. They're all animals too, but the poor dog is the only one who can't seem to communicate effectively. Tough break, Spunky.


Porkchop from Doug




Porkchop may not have been able to talk, but this dog was awesome. He was forever getting Doug out of jams before going to chill in his igloo doghouse. Get it? Chill? Igloo? No? Okay, okay, fine.


Spike from Rugrats




To be fair to Tommy, as a toddler I always thought the pet food looked pretty tasty, too. I was always rooting for him when I saw the above episode "Fluffy vs. Spike." Fluffy was no match.


Wishbone




What, your Jack Russell terrier never takes you on educational adventures through historically relevant fiction? You're probably just not feeding him the right brand of food. I'd also recommend asking him, "What's the story?" It always worked for Wishbone. You might want to sing it, though.


Yo Quiero Taco Bell Chihuahua





This little guy did for chihuahuas what 101 Dalmatians did for dalmatians. The character was played by canine actress Gidget Chipperton, though she didn't provide her own hilarious Taco Bell-seeking vocals. If nothing else, this little guy did teach even the most unilingual among us a single Spanish phrase. If I ever get lost in a Spanish speaking country where I think there may be a Taco Bell present, I'll know how to find it.


I don't usually do this sort of thing, but I just couldn't resist. In case you were incredibly curious--and I'm sure you were!--here's a photo of my own little monster. He may not be quite as accomplished as these dog stars, but I think we'll keep him. Plus, if we build him an igloo in the backyard, I think he might start co-starring in my Quailman fantasy sequences. It's worth a try.

Children of the 90s Party Playlist

I know I'm a few days late on the Cinco De Mayo front, but some of us had to work and are forced to suspend our partying for a couple of days. In the spirit of the upcoming summer season, I've compiled a special playlist with your dance party needs in mind. Even if you can't wrangle up a party in the next couple of days, this will at least get you through a particularly rough commute. It may, however, garner some strange looks from fellow drivers when they see you singing your 90s heart out on the on-ramp.

This list should have you well on your way to throwing a solid 90s party. Just be warned: mixing these songs with alcohol may lead to some adverse reactions. I can't be held responsible for the things you might do or the dance moves you might break out under the concurrent influence of rockin' old school 90s dance music and a couple of vodka tonics. I hereby absolve myself of all liability; I said solid party, not liquid. Consume at your own discretion. Those dance moves are all you.


Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) (C&C Music Factory)



They've got their own music factory, so you know C&C has got to be good. This one is straight, direct, and to the point. Everybody dance. Now. Do it.


Gettin' Jiggy With it (Will Smith)



Ah, the song that encouraged us to use the word "jiggy" in everyday parlance. You want to hate it, but Will Smith is just so darn likable, you might just get carried away by the beat. Or, you know, lost in his eyes on the album cover. Either or.


Boombastic (Shaggy)



This one gets a little PG-13 in parts, so you may want to leave it off your song rotation if you have any young guests. Then again, we listened to it and turned out okay. Well, sort of. To be fair, we couldn't understand most of the words. Also, it starts pretty innocently: "Soft and cuddle hug me up like a quilt." With an intro like that, who would have thought it would get so racy?


Be My Lover (La Bouche)



It's got a beat and you can dance to it? Plus, it's totally cheesy. What's not to like.


OPP (Naughty By Nature)



You know who's down with OPP? Yeah, you know. Me. Totally am. Constantly singing the praises of OPP. Guilty as charged.


This is How We Do It (Montell Jordan)



This is one of those songs we all knew the words to as children, even though we probably couldn't tell you what any of them meant. At the very least, it promoted designated drivers. That's semi-educational, right?


C'mon and Ride it (The Train) (Quad City DJs)

Quad City DJ's - New Music - More Music Videos

We all need an excuse every once in a while to form a line of people complete with a leading conductor car and a caboose bringing up the rear. It's a dance anyone can do. We all look equally stupid doing that bent arm pull-down train whistle motion.


Whoomp! There it Is (Tag Team)



In case you didn't catch the words, the gist of it is Tag Team telling us how awesome they're going to be. The major theme of the song is their explaining how much they're going to bring it. The answer? A lot. Actually, that's the theme of the next two songs as well, so this is a great segue. Anyway, there is, however, some Whoomp Shak a Laka-ing in this one to which we can all sing along. Thank goodness for that. A sing-along moment always helps break up the party tension after we've unsuccessfully attempted to rap our way through a full song.


U Can't Touch This (MC Hammer)



With MC Hammer's biggest single, we all get the chance to stop and observe a heartfelt moment of Hammer Time. If you could throw in some metallic hammer pants, that would work too. If someone asks who you're supposed to be and you get all embarrassed, feel free to claim you've come dressed as Aladdin. It will probably fly. Like the magic carpet. Yep, I went there.


Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla Ice)

Vanilla Ice - New Music - More Music Videos

Okay, okay, I'll admit I watched Glee this week and thus a few of these so-called songs with bad reputations have been floating around in my cerebral cortex. Anyway, there's just something so magical about stopping, collaborating, and listening. If I didn't know Vanilla Ice better, I'd say that came straight off a worksheet from middle school peer mediation. Who knows? Maybe it did.


What is Love? (Haddaway)



It may be irritating, but that SNL Night at the Roxbury sketch had been pretty persistently persevering. This song still makes most of us want to hit the dance floor and try to attract partners with pickup lines like, "You? Me? Him? You? Me?" It's essentially a foolproof method.


Tootsee Roll (69 Boyz)



Everyone likes a song with step-by-step directions in it. It tends to distract from those of us who have no rhythm and flail wildly, hoping to be obscured by the strobe light. Luckily the 69 Boyz were kind enough to throw in a little "To the left, to the left" and all that good stuff. It even tells us when to dip. Thanks, Boyz!


We Like to Party (VengaBoys)



This is truly a terrible song, but it's just so darn catchy you're almost willing to excuse it. Until your brain is spinning "We like to party! We like! We to party!" on repeat all day. It's a little excessive. Just be thankful I didn't put their other it, "Boom Boom Boom." That one's a real killer.


Everybody (Backstreet's Back) (Backstreet Boys)


Backstreet Boys - Everybody (Backstreet's Back) (Official Music Video) - Watch more top selected videos about: Backstreet_Boys

Yes, it's a song with responsive parts. How easy is that? They say something, then we say something. Simple. Sometimes we also get to go, "yeeeaaah--ahhhh." It's also considerably less awkward for a room full of adults to shout out, "Am I sexual?" than it was for us at a middle school dance or some such equally inappropriate occasion. I can only imagine the adult chaperones were mortified.

Don't Call it a Comeback...Okay, Fine, Call it a Comeback: 80s and 90s Stars who Made it Big the Second Time Around

Many celebrities--or at least their skillful publicists--have the uncanny knack for reinventing themselves many times over. Just when we've grown to accept the notion that they're washed up and irrelevant, they manage to claw their way back to the top again.

It's enough to give hope to currently disgraced public figures like Tiger Woods. Many of these celebrities also dealt with the influx of late night monologue jokes and Saturday Night Live digs at their poor life choices. Generally, there are a few ways to stage an effective comeback after either fading into relative obscurity or committing some heinous act that serves as an affront for even the most lenient rungs on the moral ladder. These means include but are not limited to:

1. Lay low for some period of time and allow your tarnished or dwindling fame public image to fade into the background. As soon as you no longer qualify as legitimate fodder for juicy tabloid stories, stage a comeback in a role completely disparate from your former typecast image. For example, if you were a serious dramatic actor, consider a starkly contrasted comedic cameo or sitcom role. If you were a comic actor, try your hand at a villainous role.

2. Variation: Lay low for some period time and allow your public image to fade into the background. Make a comeback in the exact same role that made you famous. This method works best for reconvening pop music acts.

3. Completely reinvent yourself with little to no grace period between your former "bad" self and the new "good" one. See Spears, Britney. This one requires an especially adept personal management team and potential surrender of your rights.



Robert Downey Jr


You may Remember Him as: Member of Brat Pack, star of films like Less than Zero, Weird Science, The Pick-Up Artist and Johnny Be Good. Also recipient of some cushy industry ins via famous father, Robert Downey, Sr.
And then: Several brushes with law in re: drugs
And then: Brief stint on Ally McBeal as lead male romantic interest. Generates buzz; nominated for numerous awards.
And then: Gets axe in the wake of multiple highly public drug arrests and resultant court-ordered treatment
Now: Rolling in offers and acclaim after monumental success of Iron Man, Tropic Thunder, Sherlock Holmes, and forthcoming Iron Man 2


Britney SpearsYou May Remember Her as: Mouseketeer, racy jailbait schoolgirl who hit it big with single "Hit me Baby One More Time," smokin' hot ab-baring performer with python
And then: Quickie marriage/annulment of marriage to high school sweetheart
And then: Chaotic reality show with trashy husband; children ensue
And then: Head-shaving, can't-keep-legs-crossed-while-exiting-car trainwreck stage
Now: Under lock and key by conservator father and stellar management team; hit CD and sold-out tour, MTV "documentary" re: sanity, all rejoice



Patrick Dempsey
You May Remember Him as: Teen comedy hearthrob in cheesy late-80s films like Can't Buy Me Love and Loverboy
Now: Iconic McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy. Co-stars in a few questionable chick flicks (Sweet Home Alabama, Made of Honor) but I'm willing to excuse it because I love Enchanted so much. Kind of a wash.


Teri Hatcher
You May Remember Her as: Lois from Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, Bond girl in Tomorrow Never Dies, and that chick in the sauna with disputably real boobs on Seinfeld
And then: A few less than notable bit parts. I mean, Spy Kids? Really?
Now: Cast in 2004 as Susan Mayer on the hit show Desperate Housewives; makes bags and bags of money. Can only assume said bags are delivered to her residence marked inconspicuously like a big dollar sign. You know, like in the cartoons.


Ed O'Neill
You May Remember Him as: Al Bundy on envelope-pushing anti-Cosby-style family sitcom Married with Children
Now: Hilariously misguided patriarch Jay on Modern Family


Rob Lowe

You May Remember Him as: Member of 80s Brat Pack, rises to fame with movies like St. Elmo's Fire and The Outsiders.
And Then: Reputation-incinerating sex tape leaks. Tape stars incriminatingly underage girl. Yikes.
And Then: Rehab. Before it was cool.
Now: Cements legitimate comeback with roles in The West Wing and Brothers and Sisters


Mickey Rourke

You May Remember Him as: Sex icon from 9 1/2 Weeks
And then: Boxes. Messes up face. A lot.
And then: Several smaller roles; Films Another 9 1/2 Weeks, several direct-to-video movies. Cries.
And then: Randomly appears as bad guy in Enrique Iglesias "Hero" music video
Now: Stages major comeback with impressive performance in The Wrestler. Plays villain in Iron Man 2. How much do you bet they saw that "Hero" video and thought, "Hey, we should get us some of that"?


The Spice Girls

You May Remember Them as: Grrrl Power-promoting, Union Jack-wearing girl pop act from the 90s. Stars of Spiceworld. Proceed to spice up our lives.
Now(ish): Play sold-out reunion tour in 2007. Promote selves to proponents of wommmmen-power as fans age considerably.


Kiefer Sutherland

Before he was born: Grandfather brings universal health care to Canada. Wait, what? It's in Wikipedia. It must be true.
You May Remember Him as: That guy from Stand by Me and The Lost Boys, among others.
And then: Also those guys from A Time to Kill and A Few Good Men respectively
Now: Incredibly famous for role as world-saver Jack Bauer on 24
Oh Yeah: Serves brief jail time for DUI; head-butts one of the designers of Prouenza Schouler. Yep. Head-butts. Public image miraculously pulls through.


Neil Patrick Harris

You May Remember Him as: Doogie Howser, MD. Boy Genius and retro-computer diarist extraordinaire
And Then: The star of many made for TV movies
And Then: Made us laugh with his comeback-grade unexpected cameo in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
Now: Generally hilarious on How I Met Your Mother and in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along. Comes out publicly as a gay celebrity in 2006; conveniently already Broadway star. Opens 2010 Oscars because he can.


New Kids on the Block

You May Remember Them as: Having a bunch of hits. At least that's what I hear from LFO.
Now: Stage epic comeback tour in the summa-summa-summertime of 2008. Yours truly failed to procure tickets. Much crying occurrs. Suspect ticket brokers didn't believe I had the "Right Stuff." Proceed to cry much, much more


Alec Baldwin
You May Remember Him as: That guy from Beetlejuice and The Hunt for Red October. Gives stellar performance in Glengary Glen Ross. Marries Kim Basinger.
And then: Divorces Kim Basinger. Raging custody battle ensues.
And then: Narrator of Thomas and Friends? Okay. If George Carlin can do it, why can't Baldwin?
And then: Smaller roles in major films like Pearl Harbor and The Aviator
Actually: You know what? Turns out he's been famous all along. It just took us awhile to realize he's so funny. Call it a comedic comeback. Yeah, we'll go with that.
Now: Comc actor on sitcom 30 Rock with beyond brilliant timing and delivery. Gains some weight and morphs into a significantly cuddlier version of his former self.
Oh Yeah: Threatens aforementioned cuddly reputation with leaked voicemail to his daughter. Uses word "pig" repeatedly. Remarkably manages to retain popularity.


John Cryer

You May Remember Him as: Irritating nerd and frequent dorky hat-wearer Duckie from Pretty in Pink
Now: Alan Harper on equally irritating CBS sitcom Two and a Half Men. Wears significantly fewer hats. Still Dorky.

Where Do They Come Up With This Stuff? A Few Truly Strange 80s and 90s Children's Shows

It takes a special kind of creativity to dream up the premise of a truly unique kids' show. In grown-up circles, it's more commonly referred to as certifiable insanity. It's almost as if some of these children's show writers have some special gene that grants them an eternally youthful point of view. Otherwise, craziness is probably the most flattering description of their professional endeavors. We'll go with the gene thing.

Though the 80s and 90s saw its fair share of educational children's programming, many kids' shows lacked that level of justification for production. At best the characters might learn a moral lesson or two, but in general the themes of these shows fell into the "WHAAAA?" category. It's hard to imagine the shows' creators delivering their respective pitches for these absolutely ridiculous concepts.

We can only imagine it went a little something like this:

"So there are these Martian mice, right? Oh, and they're motorsports enthusiasts. That part's pretty important, too. And--"
"Say no more. We're putting this into production immediately. Biker Mice? From Mars? Brilliant!"

It's almost enough to make you want to start keeping a dream journal. All of those unrelated thoughts shuffling around in your head just might turn out to be the premise of a lucrative children's entertainment franchise. Maybe.

Regardless of the germination process of these strange concepts, kids embraced these shows as gospel. That's the best part about children's entertainment: your viewers won't question a thing. Everything you show them makes perfect sense to them. Why? Because you said so. It's a perfect balance of getting away with insanity and never having a fan dispute or question anything you present. What's the worst they can do--write a scathing review in crayon on the living room wall?No, they'll watch it and they'll like it. It's just that easy.


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles



We've had such heavy exposure to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that it can be difficult to remind ourselves that the concept is utterly ridiculous. They're not just mutant turtles, they're also adolescents with a penchant for mixed martial arts. Brilliant.


Biker Mice from Mars



As many shows on this list have firmly established, kids go for the literal. When naming your animated or puppet-populated series, it's best to just come up with an exact description of your major concept and just go with that. Biker Mice from Mars are a perfect example, as they are indeed mice from Mars with a passion for motorcycling. Don't fight it, it makes perfect sense.

It's amazing we made it all the way to the 90s before someone turned this into a TV show. You would think someone would have come up with it sooner. After all, motorcycles, mice, and Mars are just so darn intrinsically connected. Anyway, Ian Ziering was in it. Ian Ziering! You've got to have a soft spot for that.


CatDog



Like I said, save the creativity and craziness for your show's concept. The title should be simplified to a point of dumbed-downness. It's half cat, it's half dog, what do you call it? A CatDog. Of course.


Popples



To be fair, in the case of the Popples, the toys came first. At least we know where they came up with it, though the back-story the writers filled in is a tad questionable. The Popples are adorable little pom-pom tailed puffballs who pull mysterious objects from their kangaroo-esque pouches. They also consistently thwart the efforts of well-meaning human children. It's crazy, sure, but their cuteness is a reasonable distraction from how little sense it all makes.


Teletubbies



These may have risen to popularity a bit after our time, but their impact on the genre of strange kid shows was incredibly resonant. They're colorful, they roll on the ground in the sunshine, they laugh uncontrollably, and they believe they can see children through a screen on their tummies...I don't know what these guys are on, but I want some.


Eureeka's Castle



This was pre-Harry Potter wizardry, meaning the Eureeka's Castle producers still got away with making up their own arbitrary rules on sorcery. They also gave us a slew of unique characters, including the peanut butter-sandwich gobbling Bogg twins, the flying impaired blind-as-a-bat Batly, bumbling dragon Magellan, and vaguely ethnic pushcart owner Mr. Knack. Magellan even had some terrifying claymation pets, Cooey and the Slurms. Maybe it's just me, but I have always been terrified by claymation. I'm pretty sure it's just me.


The Smurfs



Despite the conspiracy theorist arguments claiming the Smurfs to be a pro-communist vehicle, I've never really bought into it. Yes, the Smurfs are admittedly strange, but their intention is to get kids to share. Maybe we should stop teaching that in kindergartens, too, to simulate a more capitalist classroom environment. Survival of the fittest five-year olds. How could it possibly go wrong?


Bananas in Pajamas



The title says it all: the main characters are indeed bananas eternally clad in pajamas. That's pretty much all there is to it. They don't even get the courtesy and respect of real names, stuck as B1 and B2. You get the feeling the writers meant to fill that in somewhere along the way, but then just gave up on it.


Rocko's Modern Life



What, you've never seen an Australian wallaby with a pet dog whose best friends are a steer raised by wolves and a neurotic over-phobic turtle? You can't accuse Rocko's Modern Life's creators of being unoriginal. The characters are undeniably idiosyncratic, but they're all charming in their own right. Well, charming if you're not too visually squeamish; the show can get a tad gross.


Fraggle Rock



To their credit, the Fraggles did teach us to dance our cares away. That probably counts as moderately educational. They can share dreams by making head contact with another Fraggle, they subsist on doozle sticks and radishes, and they coexist with Gorg giants. Their incredibly specific and detailed existence is at least justified by the show's relative complexity for a kid's program. And, you know, we danced our cares away. That part was the best.


Wee Sing in Sillyville



This one was actually a straight-to-video musical series, but its craziness warrants a legitimate place on this list. Sure, it has a legitimate message of togetherness and anti-prejudice, but the songs are so over the top that you've got wonder what these adult actors were on.


Aaah! Real Monsters



There's something to be said for the originality of 90s Nicktoons. Shows like Aaah! Real Monsters created a fully formed highly imaginative world of monsters-in-training. Ickus, Oblina, and Krum were fully realized characters, which makes up for their sometimes unsavory behavior. We can probably let it go, though. They are monsters, after all. Plus they live in a literal dump. Let's cut them a break.


Zoobilee Zoo



Perhaps this one qualifies more aptly as creepy than just strange. Those costumes are reallysomething else. Adults in full animal makeup and get-ups are sure to simultaneously delight young children an scare the bejeezus out of adults. The older and allegedly more mature I get, the scarier the pictures of these guys seem.


This list is just skimming the surface of the under-examined weirdness of the kids' TV series with which we grew up. Additions to the list are more than welcome in the comments section. Just don't think about any of the shows' premises too hard; you could easily strain a neuron or two trying to wrap your brain around their convoluted reasoning.

Some Things Kids Growing Up Today Will Never Understand

After the popular "Technology We Grew Up With: On its Way Out" post back in February, I received a slew of suggestions for other ways technology has differentiated today's kids' experiences from our own. It's pretty incredible to recount the swiftness of technological change over the last 20 years. Things have very quickly become significantly more convenient, but they're also aging us at an equally rapid rate. While in other generations our childhood technological experiences should be reasonably well-matched to those of children ten years down the road, our own are proving dated and obsolete after a short period of time. Pretty depressing, right?

Not necessarily, it turns out. Nostalgia for the disputably existent "Good Old Days" is a thriving marketplace of discussion, ably summed up in the thesis "Kids today just don't understand." Just 15 years ago, we were right there with DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince lamenting the lack of understanding among parents. How quickly the "just don't understand" tables have turned. Soon we may not even have the energy to rap about it.

Before we all turn into old coots grumbling about our simpler lifestyles, let's take some time to bask in the glow of our once taken-for-granted but now nearly obsolete pre-2000s technology experiences:


Being Out of Touch (unreachable by phone, text, implanted homing device, etc)

Gone forever are the blissful days of being dropped off by a parent at the mall or movies with a quarter (a quarter!) in your pocket for emergency purposes. Instead, today's kids have the added mischief-thwarting stress of cell phone GPS tracking and parents' persistent text messaging. We've all but pet-style micro-chipped our children, ensuring that parents know of their children's exact whereabouts at all time.


Getting Lost

I'll admit this still happens to me, but mostly because my on-hand portable technology is far behind the curve. For the majority of us, finding our way from point A to point B is as simple as inputting the destination address and letting a robotically polite voice do the guiding. Even the worst case technological scenario involves a printout from an online map service. It's tough to recall a time when we relied on the more primitive "Take a right on Main Street"-type directives scrawled on scraps of paper during a phone call.


Not Knowing who's Calling When You Pick Up the Phone


Once upon a time, you could lift a receiver with a flutter of hope and mystery regarding the identity of the person on the other line. Today, whether it's a potential date or the automated call service from CVS pharmacy calling to remind you of a prescription pickup, you know before even accepting the call. Where's the intrigue and allure in that?


Calling MovieFone


Imagine never having the joy of hearing the jovial deep intonations of the MovieFone guy. Sounds pretty sad, right? Now multiply that sadness times every child out there today who will never experience the joy of MovieFone. Sad, right? A little? Okay, fine, it's not a huge loss, but I'll miss it nonetheless. It's been real, MovieFone guy.


Looking Something Up in the Encyclopedia


Or better yet, looking something up on an encyclopedia CD-ROM. Before the days of the internet, this seemed like a high-tech research breakthrough. We could search for articles, watch videos, listen to sound clips...you know, like what we do now every day with the internet.

Back in the 90s, when we had a query, it was actually possible to come up empty on an answer. A frightening notion, really. There was no Googling to get us out of a quandary. We could go to the library or phone a friend, but failing those options we might actually have to have to write things off as a mystery. When I think of how frequently I type into Google a question about how to get my dog to sit still (positive reinforcement and/or high-grade tranquilizers) or why I'm tired all the time (possibly anemia but more likely daily caffeine overdose,) it's frightening to imagine a time when I'd be resigned to not immediately identifying an answer.


Not Being Able to Place an Actor or Actress
It used to be a source of frustration to see a moderately familiar face in a TV show, movie, or commercial and not remember the 37 other shows in which you'd previously seen that actor. The unanswered question would haunt you, hanging over your head and enshrouding you in a state of generally distracted confusion for days at a time. These days it takes minimal effort to access the internet and putz around for a few minutes on IMDB. Sure, you might learn something, but you're left with that cheap feeling of not really earning it.



Finding a Number in a Phone Book

You know, those moldy old books that get stacked up outside your house or apartment building when you never bother to bring them in out of the cold? After all, why should you? They serve a pretty limited function these days outside of killing a good chunk of our dwindling forest populations. Any and all relevant contact information can usually be found online. Also, there's no real need to speak to an actual person now that an email can serve in its rapid-response stead. Why talk to a human being when some passive non-confrontational typing will do?


Renting a Movie


Pretty soon, I imagine they will just beam a movie directly into our retinas. I can't imagine what other way they could elevate the convenience of watching movies at home. We used to peruse a local video store, picking out physical copies of our intended films. Today, you can easily access any movie your little technology-savvy heart desires at the click of a remote control button. It's hard to imagine them making it more convenient, but I'm sure they'll find a way to do it. Whoever they are.


Partying like it's 1999


This is a major one. They really have no idea. Unless they plan on living another 990 years, these kids will never get that feeling that Prince so eloquently described through the art of song. Heck, to them, he's probably just the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as a symbol formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince. The words "Party over, oops, out of time" mean absolutely nothing to these kids. For shame.



It may not be much, but we've got to cling to whatever makes our generation uniquely us. Sure, it's just MovieFone and encyclopedias, but someday we'll be amazing our technologically superior grandchildren with tales of our cavemen-esque childhood existence. Unfortunately, they won't even get our well-timed Encino Man references. It's too bad, really, because I'm sure we could have set up some great ones.

So You Want to Start a Boy Band...

So you're interested in profiting off of the ignorant and as-of-yet unpubertized voices of photogenic young men. Congratulations, you've come to the right place. We're here to show you the ropes and tropes in your quest to ascend the Billboard charts. Had you thought to jump on the Boy Bandwagon 15 years ago, you would be well on your way to making easy millions off of the hard earned allowance money and babysitting profits of young girls. In today's music market, it's a bit more hit or miss, so try your best to adhere to the formula verbatim.

These tried and tested tips should set you on a path to exploiting aspiring juvenile singers. While we can't guarantee success, if you don't hit it big with this secret recipe, you've probably skipped a step somewhere along the way. Check your work and try again. It should all add up if you're doing it right.


Step 1. Hire Lou Pearlman or like-minded manager. Try best to avoid fraud.

Talent manager Lou Pearlman would make a natural first choice as a partner, but his money laundering and conspiracy charges may cause a hiccup on the road to your goal of wallpapering your guest bathroom with hundred dollar bills. If he's not willing to strike up the biz again for fear of setting off a court-appointed anti-boy band formation ankle bracelet, you can probably make do with a cheaper imitator. A Queens accent and noticeably Semitic last name can't hurt, though.


Step 2. Assemble a pack of harmony-prone teenagers

If possible, try to find a group of teens on the street who randomly but conveniently erupt in harmonious song. Failing that route, feel free to hold some open casting calls marketed at crazy stage mothers and former Mickey Mouse Club members. As a last resort, stage the audition process as a reality TV series. As a warning, the popularity of the resultant band will be fleeting, but you do get the added bonus of some fun televised in-house drama. All in all, sort of a tradeoff.


Step 3. Establish the stock characters:

Try your best to populate your newly formed boy band with some combination of the following prototypes:

The Sensitive One: It doesn't hurt to have one guy who exhibits general displays of feelings. Socially awkward and otherwise alienated teen girls eat that stuff up, so cast with their quiet desperation in mind.

The Baby: To effectively market your group to a wide age range of fans, keep your band demographic varied in age. "The Baby" is a necessary component, both for his help filling in on that high F note and his statistically adorable innocence.

The Bad Boy/Rebel: If the guy you've cast as the Bad Boy doesn't yet have any tattoos, feel free to adorn him with some ambiguous Chinese characters and a barbed wire ring around the bicep. He may also wear sunglasses at inopportune times,such as indoors where there's particularly dim lighting. He does what he wants; he doesn't need to follow society's rules about vision.

The Heartthrob: This is the guy you need at the center of every album cover to ensure the screaming young girls come out in full force. He may be a handful sometimes, but just try not to punch his teeth out. Those pearly whites will be paying your bills.

The Older One: To appeal to the full demographic of pop music listeners, it's always okay to have one out-of-place significantly older band member. Just give him a sort of big brother/fatherly role in every photo opportunity and no one will notice that he's 43.


Step 4. Commence ad nauseum photo shoots featuring matching outfits and comically serious expressions

Matching outfits display a sense of solidarity and unity, so your fans will know not to differentiate the band members as individual human beings. The serious expressions establish their reputation as legitimate artists. Just kidding, they just make awesome centerfold shots for BOP! Magazine.


Step 5. Amass Screaming Fans, preferably of the teen girl variety

Recruit a loyal army of young girls with supple vocal chords and a propensity to throw teddy bears and training bras onstage during a particularly soulful performance of your band's hit ballad. Bonus points if they'll cry on camera as they express their unwavering love and adoration for your act.


Step 6. Sell millions of records

This is the backbone of your operation, so invest most heavily in this step. No one really buys records anymore, so this is one of those steps that would have played out better 15 years ago. Nonetheless, you can't have a successful boy band without some sort of musical backup to justify your existence and fame...no matter how inconvenient it is to schedule those pesky recording studio sessions between photo shoots and autograph ops.


Step 7. Release incredibly expensive videos with high production values

Fear no special effect; they will prove invaluable on your quest to mass-marketing your boys' faces as a desirable product. This again may have worked better back in the days of Total Request Live when occasional music videos actually graced the airwaves of Music Television, but try your best to improvise with whatever's left of the genre's diminishing fan base.


Step 8. Decline in Popularity; attempt requisite comeback

Prepare yourself for the inevitable: your once fiercely loyal fans will eventually grow into some semblance of adults and will thus lose screaming interest in what you're peddling. As your popularity wanes, you may want to repackage your band to poise them for a late-breaking comeback. There are no guarantees, but the respect they command is too low to warrant a dignity-excusable cop-out. Milk this one for all it's worth.


Step 9. Hope for the best with members' respective solo careers and/or allow them fade quietly into obscurity

At this point, your boys are no longer boys, but over-the-hill 23-year old men--except the Father Figure guy, who's probably pushing 50 by this point. Some may choose the solo career path, though few will succeed. Others will go quietly into the night, but not everyone will settle for this quick relinquishment of fame. Those select few have several options, the most headline-grabbing of which are to come out of the closet, get arrested, or start a reality television series based on the antics of their colorful family. Choose wisely, though; they only get one shot at that People magazine cover, so we suggest encouraging your guys to tread carefully.


So there you have it: a foolproof formula to establishing and marketing your very own boy band. We're not really supposed to make this sort of sensitive information available to the general public, so consider yourself lucky to be among the privileged privy parties. We don't want this information getting into the wrong hands, of course. Well, not again. And again. Really, it keeps happening. Just be ready to apologize for your eventual fraud charges when they go public, okay? That's pretty much all we can ask.

More Fun with Children of the 90s Search Terms

There have been so many hilarious search terms popping up in my Google Analytics tracking data, I felt it was only fair to spread the funny around and share them with you. After all, haven't you ever wondered what make other readers and/or random internet lurkers like yourself curious about the 90s? What's that? No? You'd rather just reminisce about the 90s? Just kidding, of course you do. Due to popular demand, we're having another brief interlude to examine just how confused some of us 90s fanatics really are.

In the case of many of these terms, it seems the asker is simply misguided or possibly suffers from incredibly vague childhood memories. Others, though, are far more troubling. For one, it makes me want to build a makeshift time machine with suicide doors, gun it to 88, and knock out the guy who came up with the bright idea of teaching Whole Language in lieu of grammar in elementary schools. Clearly, many of us are still suffering from the unfortunate ramifications; if the frightening structure of some of these searches are indicative of our grammatical prowess, I'm about to invest in widespread remedial training.

Granted, we all behave differently when we think no one is looking. We act differently in the comfort of our own homes than we do in the presence of others. After all, we'd be far less likely to blast the Tom Jones and break out the Carlton dance if company was present. Google has granted us with a precious gift of insight into these innermost thoughts of our fellow 90s fans, and just what kind of nostalgiaheads would we be if we didn't accept and delight in that gift?

I appeal to you, fellow 90s fans, for help in decoding these Google quests. Between the lot of us, we've got to be able to provide these poor lost souls with some answers. If we can't come up with anything, well, then there's always mocking.



19 ninety's nickelodeon game show
I just really like this interpretive spelling; I propose we issue extra credit for number breakdown creativity.

90's cartoon that has a strong man that when changes back to a kid, green goo release
I'll need your help with this one, I'm drawing a blank. Admittedly the description is lacking in...everything. Mostly proper tenses and pronouns.

3 boys, brothers. blonde hair, young musicians from the 90s, who were they
First of all, they were Hanson. Second of all, I feel like you're giving progressive clues on a game show. What do I win?

1993 music video with kids wearing bee

Really? Just wearing a bee? That's it?

90's hair styles what were we thinking
Good question. Unfortunately, my crystal ball is in the shop, so I'm unable to ascertain the specific collective spirit of our innermost thoughts and feelings. I'm guessing you could probably search deep within yourself and find the reasoning, if you just believe.

are you afraid of the dark janitor
Maybe it's just the political correctness in me, but I'm reading this as racist. For shame, anonymous googler.

children running away from foster care movies in 90s

What do you think, were there really that many of these in the decade? Enough to warrant their own genre? It seems a bit suspect. Unless maybe they mean children who ran away from movies about foster care. In that case, this might be very serious.

fruit snack in the 90's that are made of noodles like a fruit

They're probably talking about String Thing here, but there's something to be said for the creative license in that description. Made of noodles like a fruit? Not noodle-like fruit, that might make some semblance of sense, but just noodles like an actual fruit. The comparison is baffling.

describe the types of lifestyle children live in the 9o’s and in the currant year that promoted fatness
We could probably start with the currant, the fruit is very sugary. Other than that, we've got an "o" instead of a zero in 90s, some very confused grammar, and the word "fatness." That word is pretty awesome.

compilations of awesomeness 90s
Look no further--you're already here!

edward scissorhands is so sad
Good point. No, really, I appreciate you sharing. I'm glad we had this talk.

oh we have that baby-sitter died
I don't even know where to start with this one. What? I guess it could be some very confused variation of Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, but it's really all over the place.

kid show that has talking plains on nickelodeon

Oh, I always preferred the ones with the talking mesas. As far as slope landforms go, they're pretty much tops. You know, elevation-wise. At least compared to the plains. I think I'd better stop while I'm behind on this one.

90s song can i get your number the one with the seven digits

I know the song you're referring to, but I can't help but love this misheard interpretation of it. Oh, that one. I was going to give you one with the area code included and/or my European access code, but then I was like, hey, just the seven. Got it.

dont you hate it when your eating a dunkaroo and the biscuit breaks in the
In the what? The what? The suspense is killing me now. And for the record, I totally do.

how many kids in the 90's didn't have a dad
Um, total? Worldwide? Fictional? You've really got to be a little more specific. I'd like to help, but you're throwing a two centimeter lure into a 343,423,668,428,484,681,262 gallon ocean. Yes, I just had to google "gallons in the ocean," so someone will probably be making fun of me on their Google Analytics search term round-up sometime soon.

90's cartoon which superhero usually says lets get dangerous
I just like the phrasing on this one...usually. Did Darkwing Duck occasionally forget his lines or have flash of creative discretion? Maybe sometimes he just didn't feel like it.


That's not even the worst of it, but I used my discretion in censoring the really obscene and/or absolutely non-native English speaker-generated content. If any of you know these answers, please, throw these poor souls a line. It's the least we can do. Well, actually, we could probably not do anything, so it's the second least we can do. Regardless, they truly need your help.

Memorable 80s and 90s PSA Campaigns

I wish I could take credit for this picture, but I just found it on Amazon. Funny, though, right?

No matter how hip and focus group-tested you aim to make your public service announcement campaign, it faces pretty dire odds of coming off as incredibly, mockably cheesy. It's just the nature of the medium. There's no cool way to say something totally buzzkillish and square, so you may as well shoot for saying it memorably.

This was the strategy these campaigns took, capitalizing deftly on their 30-second moment of influence over impressionable young people. Through the power of incessant repetition and catchy songs or phrasing, these publicly serving commercials took up residence in our malleable juvenile minds. Whether we were young enough to buy into their message or old enough to snark on their relentless harping, they undoubtedly held enough intrigue to be worth remembering fifteen-odd years down the road.


The Incredible Crash Test Dummies



The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration had a message for us: don't be a dummy. The clearest way to transmit that message? Actual crash test dummies. Sure, their crash-induced injuries were played for laughs, but we soon learned that driving without a seat belt was no joke. Thanks, Vince and Larry. We owe you one.


Mr Yuk



What easier way to warn non-literate small children of the danger of hazardous noxious household chemicals than with a giant, disgusted neon green grimacing face? I certainly can't think of any. Wikipedia helpfully points out that children may associate the traditional poison emblem of a skull and crossbones with pirates rather than poison, so we definitely need an alternative symbol. Right. I know when I'm trying to break into the yummy candy vials in the medicine cabinet, I'm pretty sure that one with the Jolly Roger on it is full of pirates. It all adds up so perfectly.


McGruff



I'm still waiting for my opportunity to take a real bite out of crime. I imagine it would be tasty, meaty and substantial, just as McGruff sold it to me in the 80s and 90s. McGruff empowered us to stand up to bullies and engage in healthy behaviors. Plus, we could write him for some free safety-themed comic books and pamphlets. It just doesn't get any better than that.


Smokey the Bear



Smokey's been around for years, so it always surprises me a little that we still have forest fires. I mean, don't these mischievous match-wielding kids ever watch TV? If they had, they would know that they were the only hands on deck capable of preventing forest fires.


The More You Know



NBC really knew how to cut to the PSA core: short, to the point, and featuring celebrity spokespeople. They also threw in a fun shooting star-type logo with a memorable series of tones that I'm pretty sure are supposed to be the instrumental track of the words "the more you know." I've yet to verify this with actual research, but it's the way I've always interpreted it.


This is Your Brain on Drugs



Ah, the classics. Talk about to the point--"This is your brain on drugs" practically invented to-the-pointness in public service messages. This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions? Nope, think I can take it from here. Thanks, ominously sizzling frying pan.


I Learned it by Watching you



"Who taught you to do this stuff?" "You, alright? I learned it from watching you!" Yikes. Talk about a major buzzkill for recreationally drug-using parents. Guess what? Smoke one joint and your kids will turn into hardcore crack addicts. That's just basic science. They learned it from you, alright? They learned it from watching you.


Dontcha Put it in Your Mouth



This one is sort of terrifying. What exactly are those furry things supposed to be? If anyone has any insights, please enlighten me. I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when the ad guys were hawking this one to the Concerned Children's Advertisers. What do you think that studio recording session was like? It just leaves me with so many hilarious mental images about the possibilities.


Don't Copy that Floppy



This one truly speaks for itself, though today it would probably need a spokesperson to explain to kids what a floppy was. You know, the archaic giant computer disks from days of yore? Nowadays you can pirate anything online, but in the 80s and 90s your best bet was copying a game you borrowed from the primitive computer lab. If you did, someone would probably rap about it.


Check Yourself



In this FOX Kids series of PSAs, the network taught us to check ourselves before we wrecked ourselves while cleverly avoiding copyright infringement on the Ice Cube song. These ads taught us to imagine rewinding our unsportsmanlike actions and replacing them with good old fashioned polite conduct. At the time, we may have thought they were pretty helpful, but watching them now it's clear that they were among the cheesiest of public service ads.


Nickelodeon Orange Apeel



Until I just typed the words now, I'd completely forgotten Orange Apeel ever existed. Now that I've brought the memory to the forefront, though, it's clear as slime. Nickelodeon put its own slant on PSAs, producing a series of brief bumper-like spots teaching us a succinct but nevertheless valuable lesson. If it hadn't been for Omar from Wild and Crazy Kids' plea, I may never have become physically fit. I'm still meaning to do that, by the way.


Saved by the Bell: There's no Hope with Dope


Saved by the Bell - No Hope With Dope
Uploaded by ox-stargirl-xo. -

In one word, would I use dope? Nope. These kids are right! I appreciate Brandon Tarnikoff's hit idea for the new season. I'm not sure how much more of this I can paraphrase of this for laughs without generating any of my own original content, but truly I don't need any. It mocks for itself. From the moment these good looking teens uttered a single word each into the camera with deliberate seriousness, this was pure PSA gold.


Gopher Cakes



How fat did you feel at that moment you realized Gopher Cakes were fictional? Undoubtedly, to many of us they looked legitimately deliciousness, so it was a major let down to find that they were actually just poking fun at our tendency to consume foods that paved the path for our eventual morbid obesity. I still occasionally have dreams of covering one with whipped cream and swallowing it in a single gulp, like a python with a field mouse. Delicious.



These PSAs are certainly corny, but they do for the most part manage to get their point across. Into our teenage years many PSA agencies changed strategies and opted for cold, seriously threatening public service ads in lieu of the beloved lighthearted fare of our childhoods. Scare tactics work sometimes, sure, but we'll never be reminiscing about them in 2024. Stick to what you know, PSA people. Corny cartoons, puppets, and jingles are clearly the way to our still-impressionable hearts.



PS If you're looking for a drug-related PSA that's not on here, check out the full post here. In it I promise to do a part two about something hilarious I must have thought of at the time but have since forgotten, so here's my best shot at it. Not here, really; above. You know. Press Page Up. There you go.