Memorable 80s and 90s Teen Movie Songs

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If only our own high school experiences had come with their own signature soundtrack, we may have had a better idea of how to properly process our emotions. It's tough to try to have a pensive moment without something deep and soulful playing in the background. Believe me, I've tried.

Real life just can't always measure up to the effective power of a good soundtrack. When the moviemakers choose just the right song, it can skillfully set the mood for a crucial moment. From that point on, whenever we hear that song out of the context of the movie, our minds are likely to transport us back to the scene. A solid song choice has the power to cement the moment in our heads forever, iconic for posterity,

Some of these teen movie moments are silly and some are serious, but they all have one thing in common: they're highly memorable. Without the music, many of these scenes may not be especially worthy of remembering. With the music, though, they create defining moments in the teen movie canon. To create an exhaustive list would be, well, exhausting, so consider these to be a mere skimming of the teen movie music moment surface.

She's All That: Rockafeller Skank



This scene is undoubtedly cheesy, but it's enough to make a tiny part of us wish our own proms had included a highly choreographed school-wide dance number. Granted, most of our peers in high school probably weren't capable of professional-level dance moves, but it may have been fun to watch them try.

10 Things I Hate About You: Can't Take My Eyes Off of You



It's more than enough to make us all mourn the loss of Heath Ledger. He just oozes charm in this scene, allowing us to suspend our disbelief that a high school boy might actually have thought up something legitimately romantic. To be fair, Ledger was 20 years old at the time, so no wonder's his musical seduction outstrips the average high school boy's in maturity.


Can't Hardly Wait: Can't Get Enough of You Baby



Smashmouth must have written this song with the racially deluded white rapper Kenny Fisher in Mind. Seth Green plays this moment to absolute perfection. I suppose if I had to practice romancing myself in the mirror, I could use some good musical motivation, too. Granted, most of us don't need quite as much musical lubrication as Kenny to woo our own reflections. Then again, most of us don't wear goggle/JNCO jeans combos.


Ferris Bueller's Day Off: Twist and Shout



Next time I come across a Von Steuben Day parade, I am totally pulling a Ferris. If the band doesn't know "Twist and Shout," I'm willing to settle for "Danke Schoen." Anything else would just clash with the float girls' Heidi-esque German barmaid ensembles.


Say Anything: Your Eyes



Ah, the moment that inspired a generation of young girls to daydream about the moment a boy would stand in their yard with a boombox held persistently over their heads. This is a moment that might lose of of its recreatability over time. What are kids today supposed to do? Hold wireless iPod speakers over their head? Please. It just isn't the same.


Breakfast Club: Don't You (Forget About Me)



Simple Minds recorded "Don't You (Forget About Me)" specifically for the Breakfast Club, so it's no wonder it comes across as particularly poignant in this coming of age film. Simple Minds may not have gone on to do great things, but they're probably rolling in royalties from all of the many, many Breakfast Club parodies in movies and TV in the years since the original.


Clueless: Kids in America



So you're probably thinking to yourself, "Is this like a Noxema commerical or what?" Cher claims the answer is "or what," but I'm tempted to believe otherwise. No real high schoolers ever frollick in their backyard waterfalls. At least none who attended my high school. Maybe you all grew up in heavily waterfall-populated neighborhoods.


Center Stage: The Way You Make Me Feel



Michael Jackson may have released "The Way You Make Me Feel" back in 1987, but a new generation of teens fell in love with the song after hearing it in the climactic dance performance in the 2000 ballet film Center Stage. It was almost enough to distract us from Jody's impossible pink-to-red shoe switcharoo.


Cruel Intentions: Bittersweet Symphony



Exposing the popular girl in school for dipping into the secret cocaine stash in her cross necklace may not seem like a particularly poignant moment, but back it up with the Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony" and prepare to be moved. Really.


Pretty in Pink: If You Leave



It's pretty much impossible to hear Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark's "If You Leave" without immediately recalling the final scene in Pretty in Pink. Runner-up for most impossible? Spelling "manoeuvres". That's a tough one, at least for the ignorant Americans among us.


Romeo and Juliet: Lovefool



The Cardigan's major hit single aptly set the mood for the romantic meeting moment between Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio as Juliet and Romeo. Their eyes lock across an aquarium, which sounds highly unromantic without "Lovefool" playing in the background. It just works.

Note: Yes, I realize some of these videos don't contain the actual scenes. It's the best we can do with the YouTube copyright crackdown. Thanks for your understanding.

Children of the 90s Party Playlist

I know I'm a few days late on the Cinco De Mayo front, but some of us had to work and are forced to suspend our partying for a couple of days. In the spirit of the upcoming summer season, I've compiled a special playlist with your dance party needs in mind. Even if you can't wrangle up a party in the next couple of days, this will at least get you through a particularly rough commute. It may, however, garner some strange looks from fellow drivers when they see you singing your 90s heart out on the on-ramp.

This list should have you well on your way to throwing a solid 90s party. Just be warned: mixing these songs with alcohol may lead to some adverse reactions. I can't be held responsible for the things you might do or the dance moves you might break out under the concurrent influence of rockin' old school 90s dance music and a couple of vodka tonics. I hereby absolve myself of all liability; I said solid party, not liquid. Consume at your own discretion. Those dance moves are all you.


Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) (C&C Music Factory)



They've got their own music factory, so you know C&C has got to be good. This one is straight, direct, and to the point. Everybody dance. Now. Do it.


Gettin' Jiggy With it (Will Smith)



Ah, the song that encouraged us to use the word "jiggy" in everyday parlance. You want to hate it, but Will Smith is just so darn likable, you might just get carried away by the beat. Or, you know, lost in his eyes on the album cover. Either or.


Boombastic (Shaggy)



This one gets a little PG-13 in parts, so you may want to leave it off your song rotation if you have any young guests. Then again, we listened to it and turned out okay. Well, sort of. To be fair, we couldn't understand most of the words. Also, it starts pretty innocently: "Soft and cuddle hug me up like a quilt." With an intro like that, who would have thought it would get so racy?


Be My Lover (La Bouche)



It's got a beat and you can dance to it? Plus, it's totally cheesy. What's not to like.


OPP (Naughty By Nature)



You know who's down with OPP? Yeah, you know. Me. Totally am. Constantly singing the praises of OPP. Guilty as charged.


This is How We Do It (Montell Jordan)



This is one of those songs we all knew the words to as children, even though we probably couldn't tell you what any of them meant. At the very least, it promoted designated drivers. That's semi-educational, right?


C'mon and Ride it (The Train) (Quad City DJs)

Quad City DJ's - New Music - More Music Videos

We all need an excuse every once in a while to form a line of people complete with a leading conductor car and a caboose bringing up the rear. It's a dance anyone can do. We all look equally stupid doing that bent arm pull-down train whistle motion.


Whoomp! There it Is (Tag Team)



In case you didn't catch the words, the gist of it is Tag Team telling us how awesome they're going to be. The major theme of the song is their explaining how much they're going to bring it. The answer? A lot. Actually, that's the theme of the next two songs as well, so this is a great segue. Anyway, there is, however, some Whoomp Shak a Laka-ing in this one to which we can all sing along. Thank goodness for that. A sing-along moment always helps break up the party tension after we've unsuccessfully attempted to rap our way through a full song.


U Can't Touch This (MC Hammer)



With MC Hammer's biggest single, we all get the chance to stop and observe a heartfelt moment of Hammer Time. If you could throw in some metallic hammer pants, that would work too. If someone asks who you're supposed to be and you get all embarrassed, feel free to claim you've come dressed as Aladdin. It will probably fly. Like the magic carpet. Yep, I went there.


Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla Ice)

Vanilla Ice - New Music - More Music Videos

Okay, okay, I'll admit I watched Glee this week and thus a few of these so-called songs with bad reputations have been floating around in my cerebral cortex. Anyway, there's just something so magical about stopping, collaborating, and listening. If I didn't know Vanilla Ice better, I'd say that came straight off a worksheet from middle school peer mediation. Who knows? Maybe it did.


What is Love? (Haddaway)



It may be irritating, but that SNL Night at the Roxbury sketch had been pretty persistently persevering. This song still makes most of us want to hit the dance floor and try to attract partners with pickup lines like, "You? Me? Him? You? Me?" It's essentially a foolproof method.


Tootsee Roll (69 Boyz)



Everyone likes a song with step-by-step directions in it. It tends to distract from those of us who have no rhythm and flail wildly, hoping to be obscured by the strobe light. Luckily the 69 Boyz were kind enough to throw in a little "To the left, to the left" and all that good stuff. It even tells us when to dip. Thanks, Boyz!


We Like to Party (VengaBoys)



This is truly a terrible song, but it's just so darn catchy you're almost willing to excuse it. Until your brain is spinning "We like to party! We like! We to party!" on repeat all day. It's a little excessive. Just be thankful I didn't put their other it, "Boom Boom Boom." That one's a real killer.


Everybody (Backstreet's Back) (Backstreet Boys)


Backstreet Boys - Everybody (Backstreet's Back) (Official Music Video) - Watch more top selected videos about: Backstreet_Boys

Yes, it's a song with responsive parts. How easy is that? They say something, then we say something. Simple. Sometimes we also get to go, "yeeeaaah--ahhhh." It's also considerably less awkward for a room full of adults to shout out, "Am I sexual?" than it was for us at a middle school dance or some such equally inappropriate occasion. I can only imagine the adult chaperones were mortified.

Don't Call it a Comeback...Okay, Fine, Call it a Comeback: 80s and 90s Stars who Made it Big the Second Time Around

Many celebrities--or at least their skillful publicists--have the uncanny knack for reinventing themselves many times over. Just when we've grown to accept the notion that they're washed up and irrelevant, they manage to claw their way back to the top again.

It's enough to give hope to currently disgraced public figures like Tiger Woods. Many of these celebrities also dealt with the influx of late night monologue jokes and Saturday Night Live digs at their poor life choices. Generally, there are a few ways to stage an effective comeback after either fading into relative obscurity or committing some heinous act that serves as an affront for even the most lenient rungs on the moral ladder. These means include but are not limited to:

1. Lay low for some period of time and allow your tarnished or dwindling fame public image to fade into the background. As soon as you no longer qualify as legitimate fodder for juicy tabloid stories, stage a comeback in a role completely disparate from your former typecast image. For example, if you were a serious dramatic actor, consider a starkly contrasted comedic cameo or sitcom role. If you were a comic actor, try your hand at a villainous role.

2. Variation: Lay low for some period time and allow your public image to fade into the background. Make a comeback in the exact same role that made you famous. This method works best for reconvening pop music acts.

3. Completely reinvent yourself with little to no grace period between your former "bad" self and the new "good" one. See Spears, Britney. This one requires an especially adept personal management team and potential surrender of your rights.



Robert Downey Jr


You may Remember Him as: Member of Brat Pack, star of films like Less than Zero, Weird Science, The Pick-Up Artist and Johnny Be Good. Also recipient of some cushy industry ins via famous father, Robert Downey, Sr.
And then: Several brushes with law in re: drugs
And then: Brief stint on Ally McBeal as lead male romantic interest. Generates buzz; nominated for numerous awards.
And then: Gets axe in the wake of multiple highly public drug arrests and resultant court-ordered treatment
Now: Rolling in offers and acclaim after monumental success of Iron Man, Tropic Thunder, Sherlock Holmes, and forthcoming Iron Man 2


Britney SpearsYou May Remember Her as: Mouseketeer, racy jailbait schoolgirl who hit it big with single "Hit me Baby One More Time," smokin' hot ab-baring performer with python
And then: Quickie marriage/annulment of marriage to high school sweetheart
And then: Chaotic reality show with trashy husband; children ensue
And then: Head-shaving, can't-keep-legs-crossed-while-exiting-car trainwreck stage
Now: Under lock and key by conservator father and stellar management team; hit CD and sold-out tour, MTV "documentary" re: sanity, all rejoice



Patrick Dempsey
You May Remember Him as: Teen comedy hearthrob in cheesy late-80s films like Can't Buy Me Love and Loverboy
Now: Iconic McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy. Co-stars in a few questionable chick flicks (Sweet Home Alabama, Made of Honor) but I'm willing to excuse it because I love Enchanted so much. Kind of a wash.


Teri Hatcher
You May Remember Her as: Lois from Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, Bond girl in Tomorrow Never Dies, and that chick in the sauna with disputably real boobs on Seinfeld
And then: A few less than notable bit parts. I mean, Spy Kids? Really?
Now: Cast in 2004 as Susan Mayer on the hit show Desperate Housewives; makes bags and bags of money. Can only assume said bags are delivered to her residence marked inconspicuously like a big dollar sign. You know, like in the cartoons.


Ed O'Neill
You May Remember Him as: Al Bundy on envelope-pushing anti-Cosby-style family sitcom Married with Children
Now: Hilariously misguided patriarch Jay on Modern Family


Rob Lowe

You May Remember Him as: Member of 80s Brat Pack, rises to fame with movies like St. Elmo's Fire and The Outsiders.
And Then: Reputation-incinerating sex tape leaks. Tape stars incriminatingly underage girl. Yikes.
And Then: Rehab. Before it was cool.
Now: Cements legitimate comeback with roles in The West Wing and Brothers and Sisters


Mickey Rourke

You May Remember Him as: Sex icon from 9 1/2 Weeks
And then: Boxes. Messes up face. A lot.
And then: Several smaller roles; Films Another 9 1/2 Weeks, several direct-to-video movies. Cries.
And then: Randomly appears as bad guy in Enrique Iglesias "Hero" music video
Now: Stages major comeback with impressive performance in The Wrestler. Plays villain in Iron Man 2. How much do you bet they saw that "Hero" video and thought, "Hey, we should get us some of that"?


The Spice Girls

You May Remember Them as: Grrrl Power-promoting, Union Jack-wearing girl pop act from the 90s. Stars of Spiceworld. Proceed to spice up our lives.
Now(ish): Play sold-out reunion tour in 2007. Promote selves to proponents of wommmmen-power as fans age considerably.


Kiefer Sutherland

Before he was born: Grandfather brings universal health care to Canada. Wait, what? It's in Wikipedia. It must be true.
You May Remember Him as: That guy from Stand by Me and The Lost Boys, among others.
And then: Also those guys from A Time to Kill and A Few Good Men respectively
Now: Incredibly famous for role as world-saver Jack Bauer on 24
Oh Yeah: Serves brief jail time for DUI; head-butts one of the designers of Prouenza Schouler. Yep. Head-butts. Public image miraculously pulls through.


Neil Patrick Harris

You May Remember Him as: Doogie Howser, MD. Boy Genius and retro-computer diarist extraordinaire
And Then: The star of many made for TV movies
And Then: Made us laugh with his comeback-grade unexpected cameo in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
Now: Generally hilarious on How I Met Your Mother and in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along. Comes out publicly as a gay celebrity in 2006; conveniently already Broadway star. Opens 2010 Oscars because he can.


New Kids on the Block

You May Remember Them as: Having a bunch of hits. At least that's what I hear from LFO.
Now: Stage epic comeback tour in the summa-summa-summertime of 2008. Yours truly failed to procure tickets. Much crying occurrs. Suspect ticket brokers didn't believe I had the "Right Stuff." Proceed to cry much, much more


Alec Baldwin
You May Remember Him as: That guy from Beetlejuice and The Hunt for Red October. Gives stellar performance in Glengary Glen Ross. Marries Kim Basinger.
And then: Divorces Kim Basinger. Raging custody battle ensues.
And then: Narrator of Thomas and Friends? Okay. If George Carlin can do it, why can't Baldwin?
And then: Smaller roles in major films like Pearl Harbor and The Aviator
Actually: You know what? Turns out he's been famous all along. It just took us awhile to realize he's so funny. Call it a comedic comeback. Yeah, we'll go with that.
Now: Comc actor on sitcom 30 Rock with beyond brilliant timing and delivery. Gains some weight and morphs into a significantly cuddlier version of his former self.
Oh Yeah: Threatens aforementioned cuddly reputation with leaked voicemail to his daughter. Uses word "pig" repeatedly. Remarkably manages to retain popularity.


John Cryer

You May Remember Him as: Irritating nerd and frequent dorky hat-wearer Duckie from Pretty in Pink
Now: Alan Harper on equally irritating CBS sitcom Two and a Half Men. Wears significantly fewer hats. Still Dorky.

So You Want to Start a Boy Band...

So you're interested in profiting off of the ignorant and as-of-yet unpubertized voices of photogenic young men. Congratulations, you've come to the right place. We're here to show you the ropes and tropes in your quest to ascend the Billboard charts. Had you thought to jump on the Boy Bandwagon 15 years ago, you would be well on your way to making easy millions off of the hard earned allowance money and babysitting profits of young girls. In today's music market, it's a bit more hit or miss, so try your best to adhere to the formula verbatim.

These tried and tested tips should set you on a path to exploiting aspiring juvenile singers. While we can't guarantee success, if you don't hit it big with this secret recipe, you've probably skipped a step somewhere along the way. Check your work and try again. It should all add up if you're doing it right.


Step 1. Hire Lou Pearlman or like-minded manager. Try best to avoid fraud.

Talent manager Lou Pearlman would make a natural first choice as a partner, but his money laundering and conspiracy charges may cause a hiccup on the road to your goal of wallpapering your guest bathroom with hundred dollar bills. If he's not willing to strike up the biz again for fear of setting off a court-appointed anti-boy band formation ankle bracelet, you can probably make do with a cheaper imitator. A Queens accent and noticeably Semitic last name can't hurt, though.


Step 2. Assemble a pack of harmony-prone teenagers

If possible, try to find a group of teens on the street who randomly but conveniently erupt in harmonious song. Failing that route, feel free to hold some open casting calls marketed at crazy stage mothers and former Mickey Mouse Club members. As a last resort, stage the audition process as a reality TV series. As a warning, the popularity of the resultant band will be fleeting, but you do get the added bonus of some fun televised in-house drama. All in all, sort of a tradeoff.


Step 3. Establish the stock characters:

Try your best to populate your newly formed boy band with some combination of the following prototypes:

The Sensitive One: It doesn't hurt to have one guy who exhibits general displays of feelings. Socially awkward and otherwise alienated teen girls eat that stuff up, so cast with their quiet desperation in mind.

The Baby: To effectively market your group to a wide age range of fans, keep your band demographic varied in age. "The Baby" is a necessary component, both for his help filling in on that high F note and his statistically adorable innocence.

The Bad Boy/Rebel: If the guy you've cast as the Bad Boy doesn't yet have any tattoos, feel free to adorn him with some ambiguous Chinese characters and a barbed wire ring around the bicep. He may also wear sunglasses at inopportune times,such as indoors where there's particularly dim lighting. He does what he wants; he doesn't need to follow society's rules about vision.

The Heartthrob: This is the guy you need at the center of every album cover to ensure the screaming young girls come out in full force. He may be a handful sometimes, but just try not to punch his teeth out. Those pearly whites will be paying your bills.

The Older One: To appeal to the full demographic of pop music listeners, it's always okay to have one out-of-place significantly older band member. Just give him a sort of big brother/fatherly role in every photo opportunity and no one will notice that he's 43.


Step 4. Commence ad nauseum photo shoots featuring matching outfits and comically serious expressions

Matching outfits display a sense of solidarity and unity, so your fans will know not to differentiate the band members as individual human beings. The serious expressions establish their reputation as legitimate artists. Just kidding, they just make awesome centerfold shots for BOP! Magazine.


Step 5. Amass Screaming Fans, preferably of the teen girl variety

Recruit a loyal army of young girls with supple vocal chords and a propensity to throw teddy bears and training bras onstage during a particularly soulful performance of your band's hit ballad. Bonus points if they'll cry on camera as they express their unwavering love and adoration for your act.


Step 6. Sell millions of records

This is the backbone of your operation, so invest most heavily in this step. No one really buys records anymore, so this is one of those steps that would have played out better 15 years ago. Nonetheless, you can't have a successful boy band without some sort of musical backup to justify your existence and fame...no matter how inconvenient it is to schedule those pesky recording studio sessions between photo shoots and autograph ops.


Step 7. Release incredibly expensive videos with high production values

Fear no special effect; they will prove invaluable on your quest to mass-marketing your boys' faces as a desirable product. This again may have worked better back in the days of Total Request Live when occasional music videos actually graced the airwaves of Music Television, but try your best to improvise with whatever's left of the genre's diminishing fan base.


Step 8. Decline in Popularity; attempt requisite comeback

Prepare yourself for the inevitable: your once fiercely loyal fans will eventually grow into some semblance of adults and will thus lose screaming interest in what you're peddling. As your popularity wanes, you may want to repackage your band to poise them for a late-breaking comeback. There are no guarantees, but the respect they command is too low to warrant a dignity-excusable cop-out. Milk this one for all it's worth.


Step 9. Hope for the best with members' respective solo careers and/or allow them fade quietly into obscurity

At this point, your boys are no longer boys, but over-the-hill 23-year old men--except the Father Figure guy, who's probably pushing 50 by this point. Some may choose the solo career path, though few will succeed. Others will go quietly into the night, but not everyone will settle for this quick relinquishment of fame. Those select few have several options, the most headline-grabbing of which are to come out of the closet, get arrested, or start a reality television series based on the antics of their colorful family. Choose wisely, though; they only get one shot at that People magazine cover, so we suggest encouraging your guys to tread carefully.


So there you have it: a foolproof formula to establishing and marketing your very own boy band. We're not really supposed to make this sort of sensitive information available to the general public, so consider yourself lucky to be among the privileged privy parties. We don't want this information getting into the wrong hands, of course. Well, not again. And again. Really, it keeps happening. Just be ready to apologize for your eventual fraud charges when they go public, okay? That's pretty much all we can ask.

Number One Hits of the 90s: 1994 Edition

Welcome to a brand new feature here at Children of the 90s. We've spent a lot of time looking at one-hit wonders, but what about those lucky few who may have gone on to sell more records? Multiple-hit wonders deserve 90s love too. If you're going to use these lists as fodder for worthy iTunes 90s playlists, you should probably have some variety. I wouldn't want all your friends thinking you're only into fleetingly popular musicians, now, would I?

So, with the readers best interests at heart (you know, like always) I present the new Top Charting Hits feature. Here's your chance to reminisce at the ridiculous songs we loved so dearly that we sent them soaring to the top of the Billboard top 100 charts.

This list should hopefully bring forth since-repressed memories of traumatic school dances, Bar Mitzvah party slow dance fiascos, and haunt-you-for-life level embarrassing talent show performances. If you're brave, feel free to share yours in the comments section of this post. Here, to make you feel more comfortable, I'll get this party started: a DJ played "I'll Make Love to You" at probably every middle school dance I ever attended. Not only was it totally inappropriate, but it was also comically unfit for our preferred method of slow dancing: arms extended straight to ensure maximum distance between us and our partner of the opposite sex. Perhaps they should have recorded a junior high dance version entitled, "I'll Make Love to You...From a Distance."


Hero (Mariah Carey)



Geez, Mariah Carey has been pumping out top-charting hits for over 15 years now. No wonder she feels she has license to marry desirable younger men and dress in lavishly diva-esque outfits: she's earned that right. I'm pretty sure we sang this song in our 7th grade chorus, but our arrangement undoubtedly did no justice to the belt-it-out singer's version. The song might have highlighted our inner strength, but it also brought forth our outer vocal weakness. Sorry, Mariah. You deserved better.


All for Love (Sting/Brian Adams/Rod Stewart)



It takes a special occasion to bring together a group of prominent artists. You know, like recording a track The Three Musketeers movie soundtrack. That was the case with Sting, Rod Stewart, and Brian Adams' hit single "All for Love." Maybe they just all happened to have a lot of free time that weekend. To their credit, the song is much better than the movie.


The Power of Love (Celine Dion)



Celine Dion had quite a thing going in the 90s. This song was a major international hit, cementing Dion's position as a global superstar. The song is actually a cover of a 1985 Jennifer Rush song. Rush's original version charted well outside the US, but the song was unfamiliar to wide American audiences. Like the song, Celine Dion was similarly lesser known amongst American music listeners, so it was a good fit.


The Sign (Ace of Base)



Admittedly, a video like this would get laughed out of a music vid countdown these days. It's just so heavy on the over-the-top slow motion, super-imposing special effects. Luckily, they don't really show music videos on TV much anymore, so it's sort of a moot point.

Ace of Base were some of the foremost artists of the wave of mid-90s Europop hits. "The Sign" is undeniably catchy, repetitive, and it has a beat you can dance to. Well, a beat you can dance to using signature 90s moves. It might not jive so well with the dance styles most popular on today's club scene, but in the 90s it was a near-perfect fit.

Of course, some of you may also remember this classic Full House cover version by Steph, Gia and friends. I must say, it is totally necessary for them to have that many instruments in their ensemble.




Stay (I Missed You) (Lisa Loeb)



It's a rare accomplishment to hear your hit single on the radio without even procuring a record deal, but Lisa Loeb achieved just that with her 1994 release "Stay (I Missed You)". The song gained popularity from its position on the much-hyped Reality Bites movie soundtrack. Lisa Loeb has a certain likability; she just seems nice. Maybe it's her glasses. That said, Loeb is probably responsible for hundreds of sexy librarian fantasies amongst boys coming of age in the 90s.


Bump n' Grind (R Kelly)



Back in the days before R. Kelly found himself entrenched in lawsuits and scandals, he was putting out solid number one hits like this one. Okay, so "solid" is pretty open to interpretation, but let's just all agree the album falls more clearly into that defined category than gaseous or liquid. His moves in this video are pure 90s slow jam, by the way. Classic performance stance, plus we get some bonus zoom moments on our video girls in their spelunking hard hats. If that's not sexy, I don't know what is.


I'll Make Love to You (Boyz II Men)



This platinum-selling single held the top spot on the Billboard charts for a then-record 14 weeks. It was wildly popular at the time, and, as I mentioned above, often awkwardly played in adolescent slow dance/slow roller skate-type situations. Just imagine the sheer number of people who have played this song during their most intimate moments--Boyz II Men probably deserves some form of honorable mention from cheesy music-loving men everywhere for sufficiently setting the mood.


I Swear (All 4 One)



All 4 One proved that Boyz II Men hadn't cornered the market on harmony-rich R&B male vocal groups. "I Swear" was their only major hit, but it made an indelible impact. There are few of us 90s kids out there who couldn't immediately fill-in-the-blanks for the lyrics following the "I swear..." lead in. In case you can't, it's "By the moon and the stars in the sky." Just for the record.


Here Comes the Hotstepper (Ini Kamoze)



I was pretty sure I'd never heard of this song until I listened to it and realized I knew it well, but had no idea the words were "Here comes the hotstepper, murderer." It always sounded to me more like "Here comes mmm mmm mmm mmm, turn it up!" It was Kamoze's sole number one hit in the US, but he definitely made his mark. Who can resist singing along to that "Na, na na na na, na na na na na na na na na na, na na na na" part? Yes, I counted those out, and yes, my count might be wrong. Deal with it.


On Bended Knee (Boyz II Men)



Boyz II Men were just about everywhere in the 90s. We were all suckers for well-arranged harmony, which explains for the explosion in boy bands in the later part of the decade. The Boyz were kings of the ballad during this time, cranking out slow jam after slow jam for our easy listening pleasure. "On Bended Knee" ascended to number one in December of 1994, reinforcing the band's popularity by reaching the milestone of replacing their own number one song (previously "I'll Make Love to You") with a new number one song. Boyz II Men is one of only a few acts to achieve this feat; the preceding benchmark-holders were The Beatles. Impressive stuff.


So, there you have it: the number one hits of 1994. Some are worth remembering, while others yet we may sooner wish to wipe from our memories entirely. One thing is for sure: at least one of these songs should embed itself somewhere deep within the fiber of your skull and play itself on incessant repeat until you can bear no more. It's just the way of catchy 90s singles. You'll thank me for the memories just as soon as you can extricate those pounding beats from your cerebral cortex.

Children of the 90s One-Hit Wonder Mash-Up: 1996 Edition

It's about that time again, folks. Time to delve into the magical world of bygone one-time chart topping artists, that is. The one-hit wonder retrospective is always a bit surprising. In some cases, we may have once thought these artists to be poised for greatness and industry longevity, only to have since forgotten about them entirely. Whatever the explanation, these artists hit it big in mainstream markets with an appealing single and failed to deliver on the much-hyped follow-up.

The outlook's not all bad for our one-hit wonder makers, though. If you ever go to the dentist, you're pretty likely to hear their former hit cropping up on the inoffensive LITE FM radio station being piped into your examination room. With enough laughing gas, you can probably even transport yourself right back to where you were when you enjoyed the song the first time around. Really, with enough laughing gas, anything is possible.

Though they may not have stood the public opinion-administered test of sophomore CD success, in 1996 these songs were among the most-played on the airwaves and in Discmans (Discmen?) everywhere. Considering they don't even make Discmans anymore, these songs aren't the only thing that failed to live up to their initial fanfare and promise. Tough break all around.


Peaches (Presidents of the United States of America)

For the record, this is clearly not the video, just the song set to a bunch of peach-related images. It is sort of amusing though, right?

We just can't leave well enough alone in this country, can we? We're so full of repressed latent sexual content that we keep projecting it onto innocent songs. At least that's what PotUSA claim. The song is really just about peaches. Get over it, people. It's offensive music at its best, so please stop trying to assign it some dark deeper meaning.


Counting Blue Cars (Dishwalla)



This is one of those sort of melancholy-tinged songs that can really pull your mood in the general direction of ennui. Most often, this song is referenced for its line, "Tell me all your thoughts on God/'Cause I'd really like to meet her." Yep, her. How out there is Dishwalla? Just imagine what else they could have made quietly gender-bendingly shocking if they'd churned out a few more chart-toppers.


I Love You Always Forever (Donna Lewis)



I distinctly remember listening to an end-of-year 1996 countdown and hearing this song as the year's top chart hit, so imagine my surprise at learning that this is the last well-performing song we saw from Lewis. "I Love You Always Forever" has that light, airy, sticks-in-your-head-for-all-eternity quality to it. It may not be heavy on substance, but the song makes up for it with catchiness. So much catchiness. Be warned before listening: you're going to be singing this one for the rest of the day.


That Thing You Do (The Wonders)



Okay, so this one is sort of cheating. Technically, it's a song from a movie about a band who learns firsthand what it means to be one-hit Wonders (formerly one-hit Oneders-- feel free to mistakenly pronounce it Oh-need-ers. Really, go ahead. I won't tell.) This is a great movie with an undeniably catchy title song, so it's no surprise that the music translated well to the real-life pop charts. Of course, it wasn't quite at the movie's level of Beatlemania-esque hysteria, but it performed pretty well for a song released by a fictional group.


One of Us (Joan Osbourne)



Every once in awhile, the public just yearns for a pop song that dares to ask the tough rhetorical questions. It helps, of course, if the songwriter is articulate enough to include lyrics like, "Yeah, yeah/God is good/yeah, yeah/God is great/yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah." Throw out those old hymnals, people; this girl's a theological poet.


Macarena (Los Del Rio)


I know, I know, how many times can we talk about the Macarena here at Children of the 90s? Apparently the answer is something like bi-weekly, but we'll have to chalk it up to the fact that it was just that infectious. Forget parental warnings: his single needed a CDC warning. After the song enters your ear canal and undergoes a brief incubation period, The Macarena is doomed to be contagious to others for up to a week. We still see flare-ups of spontaneous outbreaks of the dance today. I think you never really get over it; we're all carriers of the dormant Macarena, our bodies poised and waiting for the song to strike so it can break out into well-ordered group line dancing.


Jellyhead (Crush)



Jellyhead is one of those songs that you might still be sort of embarrassed if it came up on your iPod on shuffle in front of other people but that you secretly relish listening to on your own. Its techno-pop dance beat is fun and upbeat, which might sound strange for what is essentially a breakup song. Somehow, though, Crush makes it wok.


Breakfast at At Tiffany's (Deep Blue Something)



It's a sweet song, but the premise is a little thin, don't you think? If you no longer had anything in common with your significant other, would a shared reminiscence about an Audrey Hepburn movie really rekindle your relationship? Especially considering that the band's original idea for the song had featured Hepburn's Roman Holiday instead. I guess, "So I said, what about, Ro-o-man Holiday" just doesn't have the same ring to it.


Everything Falls Apart (Dog's Eye View)



This is another one of those deceptively upbeat songs, though to its credit "Everything Falls Apart" has significantly more depth than say, "Jellyhead." The music video is just so 90s, from the overacting antics of the lead singers with the brief vignette cutaways. That lead singer really rocks that grungy button-down left open over a t-shirt, too.


Closer to Free (The BoDeans)



This song was actually released in 1993, but it didn't get any chart action until 1996. It became the theme song for the TV drama Party of Five, assuring the song's quick ascendancy to popularity. The BoDeans also recorded a lesser-known theme for Jennifer Love-Hewitt's short-lived Party of Five spinoff Time of Your Life. Unfortunately, like the new show, it seemed their mass appeal was all tapped out.


Their time at the top may have been brief, but most these songs are memorable enough to spark a little nostalgia. Just because we don't have daily conversations about the rise and fall of Dog's Eye View and Dishwalla doesn't mean they're completely forgotten. If you hear one of these songs on the radio, it's more than enough to jar you back to 1996. Well, you know. Give or take some flannel and stringy hair.

Children of the 90s' Pop Girl Group Playlist

If you're looking to beat those Oh-My-God-How-Is-It-Still-Not-The-Weekend-Yet blues, look no further than this 90s pop girl group playlist. Alternately, it can also serve as a soothing remedy for those pesky post St. Paddy's Day hangovers. If you keep the volume very, very low, I mean.

The 90s is so often characterized as major era of boy bands, but the decade saw more than its fair share of wildly popular girl groups as well. They operated largely on the same principles: nonorganic formation through open casting calls, careful harmony arrangements, synchronized dancing moves galore. Whatever beef you may have with their impact on the legitimate singer/songwriter/musician profession, you've got to admit that they churn out some toe-tapping singles. One of these songs comes on and there's a pop-and-lock reflex we succumb to; I'm pretty sure I picked it up subliminally from my days of shaking to Darrin's Dance Grooves on VHS.

So throw your cautious music taste to the wind and give in to these guilty pleasures. They'll undoubtedly have you singing along at the top of your voice. Just don't make the mistake of leaving your car windows down--these are more than sure bets to induce all sorts of music superiority-gloating glances from your judgmental roadmates.


Wannabe (Spice Girls)


Spice Girls - Wannabe
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Ah, the classic. If by classic you mean gratingly shrill, then it's a perfect fit. Truthfully, you can criticize this song all you want but you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who grew up in the 90s who doesn't know all or most of the lyrics. It was just a pervasive part of popular youth culture, so you might as well embrace it. I heard if you do they'll treat you to a zig-a-zig-ah, so you've got that going for you.


Say My Name (Destiny's Child)



Remember when Beyonce wasn't just the leotard-donning star of the infamous Kanye-approved "Single Ladies" video or the cameo in Gaga's "Telephone?" With all her recent success, it's easy to forget that she's been in the game for so many years. Not just in the game, but winning it; this girl's been a part of more number-one hits than most musicians can aspire to in a lifetime. In the 90s, the Beyonce-fronted Destiny's Child released single after hot single. Admittedly their lineup changed over the years, but whoever was showing up at the studio that day always brought it.


Where my Girls At (702)



Whatever happened to 702? With the incredible popularity of their single "Where My Girls At" they seemed poised to be the next up-and-coming girl group. As unbelievable as it sounds, the group was discovered by Sinbad. I know, I know. I don't even mean the adventuring Middle Eastern sailor of legendary lore; that would almost make more sense. No the actor/comedian Sinbad caught these girls singing in the lobby of a Vegas hotel, went and chummed up with their parents to grant him rights to drag them to a music show in Atlanta, and the rest, as they say, was history. Really, really weird history.


My Lovin (You're Never Gonna Get It) (En Vogue)


Try to listen to this song without breaking into a lightly treaded backup of "No, you're never gonna get it/never never gonna get it." It's nearly impossible. Would you expect anything less from a group whose album is titled "Funky Divas"?


C'est La Vie (B*Witched)



Just look at those moves! They just don't cut girl groups from the same cheesy pop-and-lock choreography cloth that they used to. Enjoy this one in the true traditional spirit of St. Patrick's Day: drunk. No, no, actually you can just enjoy their bagpipe solo. Yes, really.


I Want You Back (Jackson 5 cover by Cleopatra)



I know, I know...I just as easily could have chosen their "Cleopatra--Coming Atcha" theme, but that seems like the easy way out. Plus, I still have this on all of my running and car trip playlists. This 1998 cover of their song "I Want You Back" may not have been as authentic as the Jackson 5 original, but it manages to capture the same breezy tone and catchiness. And hey, look on the bright side. I could have subjected you to Cleopatra's "Thank ABBA for the Music." Then we'd really be in trouble.*


Never Ever (All Saints)



As far as lengthy intros go, this is one of the most extensive. It's not even really an intro anymore--they may well have made it into a full spoken track, it's that long. It really builds anticipation for the main event, though, doesn't it? You just can't wait to find out what happens next. Spoiler alert: they sing.

If that just doesn't do it for you, maybe their debut "I Know Where It's At" will do it for you. I know it's left me scratching my head over what exactly happened to all those old mix tapes with this song on it. This used to be my jam in my maroon station wagon:




Waterfalls (TLC)



Many of us probably could enjoy this song a bit more in our blissful ignorance of young naivete; nowadays, we're forced to confront its message of drugs, violence, and irresponsible sexual behavior. In lieu of letting the cautionary tale get us down, maybe we should just watch the video and enjoy these girls grooving on the water. It's pretty cool, actually.


He Loves U Not (Dream)



This song came up on shuffle on my iPod the other day and I almost had a heart attack. How have I managed not to mention this song somewhere on this blog in the year it's been up and running? Granted, it technically came out in 2000, but it's just quintessential 90s girl group pop. Contrived, well-executed, and complete with a video full of colorfully dressed jailbait popping their heads back and forth in a sassy, in-your-face way.


No More (3LW)



This was also in 2000, so we were starting moving into a bit of a different sound. The general girl group principles still apply though, right down to the cutesy lisp in the first verse. 3LW cleverly stands for "3 Little Women," who didn't stay little too long. Like all good girl groups, their story ends in some petty squabbling that escalated into we-can-no-longer-appear-onstage-together level girlfights.


Push It (Salt N Pepa)



Just look at them pop in the VHS at the beginning of the video. Kids growing up today wouldn't even understand what's going on. A scary thought, right? My favorite part, though, is probably when they cut to a Girl Scout rockin' out in the crowd somewhere around 1:12. She looks all hopped up on Thin Mints and Samoas and she likes it. Thankfully she at least looks old enough to be audience to the racy lyrics. Whew.


Like all guilty pleasures, these songs should be enjoyed sparingly and as a part of a balanced musical diet featuring artists who play their own instruments. That said, there's no harm in occasionally venturing to the musical equivalent of the top corner of the food pyramid. The experience will likely be just as sweet and with comparable levels of artificial ingredients.




*Is it wrong to admit that I also have "Thank ABBA for the Music" on my iPod? Feel free to judge me, but I'll feel equally free to tell you it's awesome. Well, maybe not awesome, but at least serviceable. Okay, okay, fine. It might make your ears explode. Happy?

Some of the 90s' Most Ridiculous Song Lyrics

It's never a good sign when you can listen to your 2Ge+her boy band parody CD and find its lyrics only marginally distinguishable from its real-life counterparts. Popular music is generally more about entertainment than quality control, but sometimes a song slips onto the charts without passing even the most basic standards of industry. Even the most lenient of genres has got to have its limits.

Apparently these limits aren't particularly stringent, or else none of these songs would ever have been written, produced, recorded, and issued a heavily promoted wide release. It's somewhat troubling to think that dozens of people worked tirelessly for the release of these songs, directing questionable music videos and lobbying for increased radio play. For some reason or other, the natural music selection never phased out these ridiculous songs and they went on to become not only very famous but also highly lucrative. If only I could come up with a good song about a certain style of undergarment or a particular spoke on the color wheel, I'd be set for life. If only I'd thought of it first.


LFO Summer Girls



Luckily, this song was released a time when many guys did indeed seek out girls who favored Abercrombie and Fitch, so it was all in all pretty good timing. This song deserves some type of award for most non-sequitors dropped in the shortest period of time, if only such an award existed. "Summer Girls" utilized every cheap rhyming trick in the book, even writing some new ones on its own with some completely irrelevant but meter-consistent lines.

LFO gave us gems like, "There was a good man named Paul Revere/I feel much better baby when you're near" and "Fell deep in love, but now we ain't speakin'/Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton." It didn't make sense, but if you're good-looking in a classically generic boy band sort of way, you've pretty much got it made. If Rich had ever come up to me in real life and ventured, "Hey, my name is Rich. You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch" I probably would've just gone along with it.


Sir Mix-a-Lot: Baby Got Back



The fact that this song was standard fare at junior high dances and bar mitzvah parties is pretty troubling in itself. We all thought it pretty cool to sing along, shouting out, "My anaconda DON'T WANT NONE unless you GOT BUNS HON! You can do side bends or sit-ups! But please don't lose that butt." I can only imagine what the adults chaperoning along the periphery must've thought. I never really considered the lyrics all that ponderously. I actually sort of preferred the Bill Nye parody version ("Bill's Got Boat" but Sure-Floats-A-Lot), so I think that brands me too nerdy to have been negatively influenced from exposure to this song.



5ive: Baby When The Lights Go Out



Let's lay it all out here: if your group spells its name with a numeric 5, our expectations for the quality of your music will be at best underwhelming. It's just not a great first impression, and certainly not an indicator of substantial musical credentials. My favorite part about this video has got to be that it takes place in a bowling alley. If that's not a seductive setting, I don't know what is. I was sold from their first spoken line, "Yeah, I like that/You know what I mean/You're lookin' kinda fly tonight/What's up, check it!" Pure poetry.


Aqua: Barbie Girl


We always thought it sort of scandalous that in the song, Barbie sang coyly, "Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky." That was only after we looked up "hanky panky" in the dictionary. True story.

This song almost defies commentary, it's just that ridiculous. It's catchy in a generic bubble gum pop way, but the lyrics are completely and utterly ridiculous. Let's just blame it on the fact that English probably wasn't Aqua's first language and move on.


Sisqo: The Thong Song


Did anyone else find the phrase "dumps like a truck" to be just slightly problematic? We're already singing about that general bodily geographic region, so it seems dangerous territory to venture phrases that could possibly be referring to defecation. I'm just saying, it's possibly a poor word choice. "Dumps like a truck"? Really, Sisqo?

This song was huge, and for a brief moment in time Sisqo was the hottest rapper on the charts. The entire song revolves around the examination and study of thong panties. In case you forgot what he was talking about halfway through, he conveniently repeats the words ad infinitum: "That thong thong thong thong thong." Oh, right. That.


No Authority: Can I Get Your Number (A Girl Like You)


I was almost positive this song was a figment of my youthful imagination until recently I heard it playing Muzak style in a restaurant. I'm not totally sure how this was chosen as one of the carefully preselected and focus group-tested songs in circulation for background music. My best guess is that all the focus group participants had a pretty strong sense of humor.

This one is beyond ridiculous. "Can I get your number baby? Hit me with the seven digits!" Or, my personal favorite, "I've seen blondes, and brunettes, and some really hot redheads, but I've never seen a girl like you (seen a girl like you)". It always leaves me wondering just what color hair this chick had if she didn't fall into the above categories. I'd say purple, but you just cant be sure about these kinds of things.


Vanilla Ice: Ice Ice Baby



You've got to give the guy some credit where credit is due. He does, as he claims, flow like a harpoon daily and nightly. Be careful, though, you might end up killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom. It's all good: if there's a problem, YO! he'll solve it. I'm feeling better already. Even about that potentially hazardous poisonous mushroom situation. Thanks, Vanilla!


Backstreet Boys: Everybody



Some songs go just a smidgen over the top with the audience participation segments, and "Everybody" is no exception. Large stretches of it exist solely for the purpose of our offering our assent via a hearty "Yeaaahh--eahhhh". What we're agreeing to is more or less unimportant. Is he original? Sure! Is he the only one? Why not? Is he sexxxxxuuuual? You get the idea.


Baha Men: Who Let The Dogs Out



You know it's a tough question when we have to punctuate it with a staccato repetition of our leading question room. It's not good enough to simply ask "Who let the dogs out?" No, instead, we've got to back it up with a heartfelt "Who? Who? Who?" It also helps if you divide all of the words into indistinguishable syllables. Case in point "Get-back-you-flea-in-fest-ed-mon-grel." Genius.


Eiffel65: Blue (Da Ba Dee)



I like a song with a narrative as much as the next person, but there is such a thing as taking it too far. The "Listen up" lead-in is a solid attention getter, but they lose us somewhere between describing his little blue house and his blue Corvette. This song lacked meaning to such a point that we had to ascribe meaning to its erroneous "da-ba-di-da-ba-dis", insisting our pals in Eifel65 were really saying something like, "If I was green, I would die" or "I believe I am pie."


Right Said Fred: I'm Too Sexy



I'm all for trashy Europop, but even I have my limits of tolerance. I'm too sexy for my cat? That's just stepping over the line. I just can't take him seriously anymore when he's doing his little turn on the catwalk.


Britney Spears:Email My Heart



Sure, she was young and it wasn't released as a single, but some offenses are just inexcusable. There are some rules here, people. For future reference, here's a major one: if you're gonna record a soulful slow ballad, don't entitle it "Email My Heart." Really, that's all I ask.


Even with all of their glaring flaws, these artists must have done something right. We're still talking about them fifteen years down the road, so you can't deny their cultural impact. Even if their mark on society was writing a song exulting the derriere. We can't all be great lyricists. If this has taught us nothing else but sometimes, sometimes, we just want a song about butts.