Popular Young Children's Books of the 80s and 90s

Children's authors set the groundwork for a new generation to develop a deep love of reading, so it's critical that their output is engaging and amusing enough to hold our limited attention. Plus, our parents often bore the burden of reading these books to us again and again until they could have recited them from memory, so it helped if authors could throw in some humor that satiated the appetites of both adults and children.

These books satisfied both criteria in balance and firmly established a place in our collective nostalgic heart for their silliness, fun, and wit. Let's take a stroll through the magical world of 80s and 90s young children's books. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll develop a catchy rhyming scheme. Don't blame me if you start talking Seusically, though. It should wear off in 10-12 hours.

If You Give A Mouse a Cookie



We all know what happens when you start giving mice cookies. They're insatiable little rodents, really. At least that's the central message of Laura Numeroff's If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. He'll just keep bleeding you dry with favors until he finally just wants a cookie again. There's just no winning. Maybe if you try giving a Moose a Muffin or a Pig a Pancake things might turn out differently. Maybe.


Love You Forever


If you're a leaky-faucet type crier easily set off by emotional material, be warned that you'll release the floodgates by the last cycle of "I love you forever, I love you for always, as long as you're living, my baby you'll be." The book details the relationship of a mother and her young son as she recites the same refrain to him at various stages of his life. Near the end of the story, the adult child recites it back to his dying elderly mother and finally to his own infant daughter. The book resonates well with adults and children alike; it seems the older you get, the more likely you'll want to keep a full box of tissues nearby when you pick this one up.


The Eleventh Hour and Animalia




I spent somewhere in the neighborhood of three years trying to trace these gorgeous illustrations in hopes of miraculously transferring Graeme Base's incredible art talent onto my own hopelessly skill-free hands. Base's books may be visually enchanting, but in the case of The Eleventh Hour they're also incredibly tricky. I still haven't managed to solve all of the many riddles embedded in the story. I almost caved and broke into the solution in the back, but I'm still holding out hope that the answer will just come to me.


The True Story of the Three Little Pigs and The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Fairy Tales




Revisionist fairy tales can be a lot of fun, and this Wolf-narrated version of the classic Three Little Pigs story is no exception. Our allegedly mistakenly accused suspect, Alexander T. Wolf, describes his troubles in borrowing sugar to bake a cake for his Granny's birthday. Is it his fault he has a terrible cold and that pigs build inferior non-sneeze-resistant houses? How could you let a delicious ham dinner like that go to waste, after all?

Along the same lines and written by the same witty author (Jon Scieszka), The Stinky Cheese Man gives us an irreverent look at some of our favorite classic fairy tales. The Gingerbread Man is the Stinky Cheese Man, The Really Ugly Duckling just grows into a Really Ugly Duck, and Little Red Riding Shorts manages to outrun the wolf on the way to Grandma's. The book is a bit chaotic, but it's legitimately clever and witty, too.


Arthur Books


Marc Brown was clearly onto something when he created this lovable anthropomorphic eight-year old aardvark named Arthur. Populating Arthur's hometown of Elwood City are a host of other cuddly animal characters with varying socioeconomic backgrounds, leading me to find that yes, you can indeed be jealous of a fictional monkey. Darn you, Muffy, and your enviable rich-monkey lifestyle.


The Jolly Postman


Kids have pretty short attention spans, so an interactive book is always a major draw: it's like a combination book/game rolled into a neat little package. To be delivered by a postman. A jolly postman.

In The Jolly Postman, our hero postman maneuvers from one fairy tale house to another, delivering correspondences (an apology note from Golidlocks and the 3 bears), junk mail (an advertisement for "Hobgoblin Supplies, ltd."), and even threats of legal action (the case of the Wolf v. Miss Riding Hood.) The jolly postman stops for tea at each home, delivering letters that we as readers could physically open and read.


Chicka Chicka Boom Boom


Learning the alphabet can be pretty boring, so imagine how relieved we were to find a book that turns dry and humorless letters into cute anthropomorphic characters. Our fearless letters climb the tree in orderly A-B-C succession, only to fall back down and sustain alphabetized injuries. Ouch.


Where the Wild Things Are


Monsters might seem like a scary, lurking under the bed prospect until we learn that in our imaginations we can just dance with them in a wild rumpus instead. Sounds like a decent solution to me. The back-story is possibly as entertaining as the tale itself: author Maurice Sendak had initially planned for the book to feature wild horses, but his publisher shunned Sendak's sub-par horse drawings. Sendak replaced the horses with caricatures of his Polish Jewish aunts and uncles: Aaron, Bernard, Emile, Moishe, and Tzippy. I imagine they were thrilled to find their likenesses titled "things."


Berenstain Bears


This friendly bear family has been teaching kids valuable life lessons for generations. I believe I read the Visit to the Dentist book at my own dentist's office at least twenty times, which helped assuage my fear of the infamous yankers while simultaneously teaching me about the untapped goldmine of cash at stake for my expendable baby teeth. Win-win.


Amelia Bedelia


What do you get when you combine a charming rhyming named housekeeper and a penchant for extreme literal interpretation of simple instructions? Pure children's book gold. Amelia Bedelia draws the drapes by trying her hand at sketching the curtains and prunes the hedges by sticking prunes in them. We learned the value of simple vocabulary and double meanings, plus I got some great ideas for how to make a mockery of my household chores,


Oh, The Places You'll Go!


Though it may have become a cliche gift for recent graduates, Dr. Seuss's final book is ultimately inspirational and sweet. The book details our protagonist's travel through uncharted territory, complete with setbacks and triumphs. So go ahead, give it to your graduating cousin or neighbor. He'll probably be able to start a collection with all of the copies he receives, but he may just learn a valuable lesson about endless possibilities.


The Rainbow Fish



This book seems pretty innocent with its message of sharing, so imagine my surprise in discovering it's taken some flack from critics for allegedly promoting a socialist agenda. It's a pretty preposterous accusation; it's enough to make you wish yourself back to a simpler time when you didn't know what things like "socialist agenda" even meant.


Stellaluna


Fruit bats are adorable and owls are evil? What kind of crazy mixed-up pre-Harry Potter owl love affair world is this? Stellaluna is separated from her mother and is raised with a nest full of baby birds, the mother of whom admonishes her for hanging upside down like, well, a bat. In case you were worried, she does eventually reunite with her mother, but the book has a bit of a melancholy feel through the whole "be true to yourself" message.

90s Slang--Catch Phrase Mash-Up, Volume 2

Slang and colloquial expressions have a certain way of dating things. At the time, these phrases seemed so unspeakably fresh and modern, but in retrospect it's clear that these slangy expressions are laughable at best. When we look back at the way we spoke just 10 or 15 years ago, it's easy to cringe at the ridiculous words and phrases we peppered into our daily conversation to feel hip and cool. I'll raise the roof to that.

Whether you were a frequent user and abuser of the day's trendiest terminology or simply dabbled in them recreationally, you can't deny their ubiquitousness in the 90s. Much as we may like to bury it away in our past, most of us were guilty of using these expressions at one point or another. I say, embrace your cheesy slang-dropping former self and revel in the wonder that is 90s slang--part two*:



Boo-Ya


Definition: (noun) Nonsensical noise to be used in situations where one emerges victorious over others and wishes to rub it in. The preferred exclamation of sore winners everywhere.

See also: In your face, BAM!

Example: I just got Jimmy in the face with my Super Soaker. Boo-ya!


Yo Mama


Definition: (noun) Your mother. While this seemingly innocuous phrase may not hold an inherent insult, its context usually suggests a derogatory connotation. In many cases followed by "so fat" or "so ugly" and an expository joke at your innocent mother's expense. As your mother is generally not directly involved in the back-and-forth trading of insults, its use suggests that your inherent familial stock resides at a Depression-era low. Plus, it's just mean.

Example: Yo mama's so fat that when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Note: You could probably throw in a boo-ya at the end of that for good measure.


Who's Your Daddy?

The pop culture reference may not be 90s, but it is pretty funny...if I were just a hair nerdier I would be sporting this t-shirt

Definition: (question, inquiry) Literally, who is your father? Maury Povich has spent countless television episodes examining this very topic, but this single phrase allows a similar impact with significantly less DNA sampling. The expression signifies your dominance over a competitor, implying you have embarrassed him to the extent that you have ascended to the rank of his father. Usually not accompanied by an outright spanking, but the phrase elicits a verbal one.

Example: Oh, I just schooled you in French verb conjugation! Who's your daddy?
Also acceptable in above example: Qui est votre pere?


Open Up a Can of Whoop-Ass

Definition: (verb) A generally empty threat of physical harm to another.

Process: Hold the can of whoop-ass perpendicular to a flat surface. Using a can opener or sharp knife, carefully pierce the outer edge of the lid. Peel lid from can. Discard. Proceed to beat the crap out of someone.

Example: I'm about to open up a can of whoop-ass on whoever graffiti-ed obscenities all over my Trapper Keeper.


Whassup

Definition: (question, inquiry) What is up. Not meant to be taken literally, though true pains in the butt may gleefully respond, "The sky." Best received in delivered into the phone at an irritating decibel level with an incessant lengthening of each letter.

More: Budweiser popularized this pronunciation in an incredibly catchy but undeniably irritating 1999 ad campaign.

See also: How are you, what's new, what's (up arrow)

Example: I'm probably going to do something I'll regret if I have to watch that Whasssssuuuuppp?? commercial one more time. I'm warning you.


Raise the Roof


Definition: (verb) To delight in one's success. An outward expression of one's prideful joy.

Process: Bend arms upward, palms facing above you. Pump flat palms upwards several times in succession. Enjoy.

We would also accept: Remove roof from house. Raise skywards.

Example: This party is kickin'--raise the roof!


Word (to your Mother)


Definition: (interjection) A salutation or indication of agreement. The "to your mother" part is optional, but reflects firmer agreement.

See also: I concur, well said sir

Example: Yo man, let's get out of here. Word to your mother.

Note: That example has been shamelessly lifted from the song "Ice Ice Baby"


As If
Definition: (exclamation, interjection) A comical expression of exaggerated outrage. Popularized by Clueless's Cher Horowitz, the phrase indicates one's speculation on the unlikeliness of a situational outcome.

Example: Ugh, get off of me! As if!


Aiight

Definition: (adverb) An alternative pronunciation of "all right"; an indication of agreement with an inexplicable aversion to l-r connectivity.

Example: "You up for going out tonight?" "Aiiiiight."


Duh!


Definition: (exclamation, interjection) Of course, certainly. A reactive response to stupidity and obviousness. Grated on the nerves of a generation of parents who did not appreciate the sass.

Example: "Did you clean your room?" "Duh!"


My Bad

Definition: (interjection) Assumption of guilt or blame; admission of a mistake.

Example: (Nearly kills man on bicycle in out-of-control, poorly driven Jeep) "Oops! My bad!"
Note: Yes, that's a scene from Clueless. Cher's coinage is legendary.


Phat
Definition: (adjective) According to slang lore, an acronym for "Pretty Hot and Tempting." An urban word adopted by suburban poseurs in typical filter-down slang fashion. Experienced extreme overuse and outwearing of welcome in the late 90s. For clarification purposes, may need qualifying statement regarding the "P-H" spelling.

See also: Cool, Jiggy...yes, Jiggy.

Example: "Man, that girl is phat. With a p-h. Also, kind of with an f."



*Find part 1 of the Children of the 90s Catch Phrase Mash-Up here

90s Teen Idols: Hunks Edition...Yes, I Said It..."Hunks"

It may seem easy these days to pick on the dog-whistle declibly screechy screaming hordes of Justin Bieber fans, but mainly because many of us girls have selectively blocked out memories of our own embarrassing teen idol worship. Back in our adolescent years, we did more than our fair share of shrieking over tame pin-up celebrity teen centerfolds ripped from BOP! or J17 magazine. Embarrassing? Yes. Escapable? No. Nostalgic? Absolutely.

Teen stars usually have a capable team of managers and industry experts who specialize in issuing their clients as a palatable brand: The Bad Boy, The Sensitive One, The Free Spirit. The 90s boy band boom specialized in this sort of one-dimensional projection of celebrity personality, condensing full people into an exclamation mark-laden photo caption in a teen magazine fluff piece. These brief blurbs were practically irrelevant to young girls, though--we were far more interested in collecting the tear-out posters and plastering our walls with their dreamy likenesses.

All you heterosexual male children of the 90s may just have to hold your tongues on this one--or rather, your impulsively commenting typing fingers. Yes, this is admittedly incredibly girly fare, but it was in its own way a thriving industry throughout the decade. Some of us spent inordinate quantities of time and resources collecting airbrushed publicity photos and devouring carefully managed and processed information about these young male celebrities. As a female child of the 90s, it's still a little tough to repress my swooning reflex at these photos. That said, I'm open to taking bids from male blogging volunteers to detail the other side of the teen idol coin. Oh, and by bids I mean just send me an email and we'll talk. Thanks.

Until that point, here is our squealing, giddy side of the teen idol story:


Jonathan Taylor Thomas



Best known for his role as Randy Taylor from the TV show Home Improvement, Jonathan Taylor Thomas was a major young commodity in the 90s. He cemented his young appeal with family-friendly roles in films like Tom and Huck, Man of the House, I'll Be Home for Christmas, and The Lion King. Plus, he had that hair. My god, that hair. 90s teen idols really knew how to lay on the mousse.


Devon Sawa


One glance at Sawa in Little Giants or as the human version of the animated ghost Casper and we fell hard. Add to that the glimpse of his butt during the naked-boys-running-through-the-woods segment of Now and Then and you've got yourself a serious celebrity crush.


Leonardo DiCaprio



Now here's a child star with staying power. Leonardo DiCaprio has maintained respectable and relatively incident-free fame since his breakthrough role on Growing Pains. Following his roles in Romeo + Juliet and especially Titanic, teen girls worldwide broke out in contagious fits of floppy hair-induced Leo-Mania. In atypical teen idol form, though, DiCaprio shunned his "Tiger Beat" image and sought credit as a legitimate actor. A 2000 Time article explains:

"...DiCaprio still thinks of himself as an edgy indie actor, not the Tiger Beat cover boy. "I have no connection with me during that whole Titanic phenomenon and what my face became around the world...Although it's got to hurt deep inside, DiCaprio says he's at peace with being usurped by the Backstreet Boys. 'I'll never reach that state of popularity again, and I don't expect to,' he says. 'It's not something I'm going to try to achieve either.' Instead, he has spent his post-Titanic life avoiding interviews."

It certainly didn't hurt him any; DiCaprio has since achieved an impressive acting resume, boasts numerous award nominations and wins, and has dated scores of supermodels. All in all, I'd say he came out of teen stardom pretty well.


Jared Leto


I don't care if you are on Team Brian Krakow--you have to admit Leto as the rebellious and near-illiterate Jordan Catalano on My So-Called Life was worthier of our swooning affections. Leto went on to appear in films such as Requiem for a Dream and achieved musical fame as lead singer/songwriter/guitarist for the band 30 Seconds to Mars. It's hard to believe that this former teen star is now 38 years old. Really. 38. I'd always sort of thought I had a chance with him, so I'm shocked to learn that when I was idolizing him at age 10, he was already in his mid-20s.


Hanson


Take heed, Jonas Brothers: you're next. Brothers? Check. Religious? Check. Endearingly floppy hair? Check. It's like looking into the future. Truthfully, the Hanson brothers weren't nearly as persistently chart-topping, but their hit "MMMBop" established them as serious contenders for teen idoldom.


Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC



These two groups deserve far more than a fleeting mention, but as this is a compilation post that's the best they can expect to get. These rival harmony-rich tightly managed boy bands dominated the pop music scene in the 90s, both catering to the same general screaming young girl fan base. The record companies and teen magazines portrayed each band member as a specific and easily definable "type," featuring characters like The Sensitive Guy and The Baby of the Group. Incidentally, these characters were actually real people, but for years they resided pretty comfortably in a describable space of 100-200 words.


Rider Strong


I'll say it again: teen stars in the 90s had the best hair. It wasn't too featherily androgynous like in the 70s or bat-poop crazy a la Flock of Seagulls in the 80s. Rider Strong had great 90s hair, though he and Will Friedle probably could have duked it out for the title of most attractive Boy Meets World cast member while hair is blowing gently in the breeze.



Andrew Keegan


We met Keegan as a camper in the Home Alone-esque summer flick Camp Nowhere, after which he made the rounds on the requisite teen-dream guest part circuit in shows like Full House, 7th Heaven, and Party of Five. Add a dash of satirical modeldom in 10 Things I Hate about You and you've got yourself a teen star. His acting career may not be accelerating at the rate it did in his younger days, but his fame will undoubtedly live on through the ceaseless rerunning of 10 Things on television.


Luke Perry and Jason Priestley





These two were both beloved by teens for their respective roles on Beverly Hills, 90210. At the time they seemed the epitome of the cool teenager, which is somewhat ironic considering they were both in their 20s at the time. Yes, these two former heartthrobs are currently in their 40s. How old does that make you feel? Don't fight it, it will only hurt more. Embrace your aging teen dreamboats.


Some remain famous and others have faded into obscurity, but they're forever ingrained in our memories as teen idols. In some cases, their likenesses are still attached to the walls of our childhood rooms, cementing their stardom for posterity. Believe me, if I could plaster my current walls with old foldouts of Andrew Keegan and Luke Perry, I would. Really. I wonder if eBay is a viable marketplace for Tiger Beat magazine circa 1996...