Boy Band Party Playlist

Although I’m still a few months out from my wedding, this weekend I’m traveling to celebrate with some of my girlfriends for a bachelorette party. In the grand spirit of celebration, potential inebriation, silly sashes, and age-inappropriate tiaras, a collection of 90s mood music seemed in order. What better way, I figured, to get into the celebratory mood than with a boy band pregame playlist? No way better, of course.

Truthfully, the notion for this playlist stemmed from my friends’ slightly embarrassing request that I bring my iPod (my vintage pink 2004 mini model) to the weekend’s festivities. I warned my friend that since I lost the cord to update the iPod sometime around 2005, the playlists have been virtually frozen in time. While she assured me it would be fine and to bring it anyway, I mentally calculated the cheese factor of my carefully constructed party playlists. Deciding the nostalgia appeal outweighed the inevitably embarrassment of these decade plus-old songs, I figured I’d bring out the big guns. By guns, obviously, I mean synthesizers and impressively pitch-perfect prepubescent harmony compositions.

I’ve opted to share the most incriminating of these playlists here with you, with the understanding that you may feel free to mercilessly mock my musical mindset. Go ahead, I can take it. I also promise not to tell if you choose to reconstruct this playlist on your own music device and dance to it alone in your room in preparation for a night out, though I retain that you should probably cite you found the idea here somewhere in your footnotes or elsewhere in your music bibliography. Feel free to fear for my future wedding guests and the inevitable 90s pop-packed playlist I’ll probably roll out for the occasion. For now, though, get pumped up with some of these cornball boy band jams. You’re welcome.

Quit Playing Games with my Heart



This is the closest thing to a slow jam you’ll find on this list, and it serves as a nice transitional warm-up to build momentum for all the cheesy 90s dance music that’s to come. “Quit Playing Games” beat out several veritable contenders for this coveted warm-up spot, including 98 Degrees “I Do (Cherish You)” and All 4 One’s “I Swear.”

(You Got It) The Right Stuff



It’s physically impossible to hear this song without breaking into a hearty chorus of “oh-oh-oh-ohoh! oh-oh-oh-OH!” Seriously, try to stop yourself. It’s like a knee-jerk reflex for 90s children. This song is too magically catchy not to sing along, and that dancing in the video is just too ridiculous to hate on.


When the Lights Go Out



If I’m ever looking for inspiration for creative license for spelling, I should just remind myself of the 90s boy band 5ive. I may not agree that a number is an appropriate substitute for the first letter of that same number spelled out, but I will defend their right to make ridiculous faux-hip hop pop songs with inane lyrics and pulsating beats. That’s just common sense.

I Want it that Way



Judging by the 29 milllion YouTube views on a song that premiered long before we’d ever heard of YouTube, I’d say the Backstreet Boys have a pretty well-established 90s fan base. Their ability to gaze pensively into the camera while dressed in matching monochromatic ensembles isn’t bad, either.

Summer Girls


I’ve posted this video on this site exceedingly more times than is remotely justifiable, but I can’t deny my love for it. It never fails to put me in the mood for summer, plus it kind of makes me want to beg my parents for $79 for obscene cutoff shorts and overpriced shirts that simply read “Abercrombie.”

Tearin’ Up my Heart


NSync - Tearin' up my Heart by SUUZAN

These old *NSync videos are pretty compelling proof that if you’re as good looking as Justin Timberlake, you can someday recover from the corniness of being a teen boy band star and reinvent yourself as cool. To the other guys, sorry. At least you had your moment of looking soulfully into the camera for three seconds before the attention deficit music video director cut to a shot of one of your bandmates being more attractive and interesting than you.

U+Me=Us



This song fits in so well on this list, it’s almost difficult to remember that it’s a parody. The satire of MTV’s 2ge+her is so spot-on that without listening carefully to the lyrics, it’s tough to differentiate it from its allegedly serious real life boy band counterparts. Actually, the lyrics aren’t even that far off, if you go on cheesiness and generic content alone.

I Want you Back

Where exactly do I go about getting one of those super-cool zip-front crewnecks Justin and JC are sporting in the opening shot? Those are pure 90s goodness, though the shiny jackets in the next cutaway come in a close second. I imagine someday our kids will watch these videos and tease us mercilessly that we once idolized this kind of incredibly ridiculous dancing and even bought Darrin’s Dance Grooves to try to replicate them in the privacy of our own homes. Wait, who am I kidding? Our kids won’t even know what music videos are. Someday we’ll wax poetic on the virtues of TRL and they won’t understand a word of it.

Step by Step



Scratch that whole thing about the last video being the cheesiest in the bunch. Rewind a few years and the dancing gets much, much more cornball. This video also has a little cameo by Donny’s little bro, aka Mark Wahlberg, right around 3:45. You might miss it and get distracted by the miming of the violin that follows it, as that is pretty awesome as well.

Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)



This list has made it painfully obvious I was something of a BSB fan back in the day. What can I say, I appreciated their artful music videos. You know, like this one, where their tour bus breaks down and they stranded at a haunted house. It’s the very very poor man’s “Thriller,” except the song has nothing whatsoever to do with what’s going on visually in the video.(Note: the original music video was causing annoying ads on the blog, so please enjoy the lyrics in lieu of actual video.)

Telltale Signs Children of the 90s are Getting Older

You knew it would happen, you just never imagined it would happen to you. One day you’re raging against the machine and bringing the man down while wearing flannel (or if you were more like me, grooving to Ace of Base on your Walkman while donning a Blossom hat) and the next you’re shaking your fist in a crotchety manner and muttering incoherently about the trouble with “kids today.” Where do the years go?

Getting older is inevitable, but the gradual onset of adulthood makes it difficult to pinpoint that exact moment you start to worry about the health of your 401K and can sustain lengthy dinner party conversations about mortgage rates and homeowner association costs. Just in case you’ve been building up a thick shield of denial, Children of the 90s is here to break it down and point out all the glaring signs that you’re just not as young as you used to be. Sounds like fun, right? Here goes:


The Shows you Grew Up With are on Nick at Nite

When we were kids, Nick at Nite was a block of television that featured significantly older and largely black and white sitcoms like I Love Lucy and The Munsters. At some point I must have stopped watching because I was recently shocked to learn that Nick at Nite now plays Home Improvement and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. When did all of the things I grew up with get so retro? Do kids today think of Full House the same way I thought of Mr. Ed? A terrifying prospect indeed.

The Kids on The Real World keep getting Younger

When The Real World premiered in 1992, its stars seemed so grown-up to us children of the 90s. Fast forward 25 seasons and a suspicious trend is emerging: the cast members not only seem to be growing less relevant and more obscure with each year, but also significantly younger. Some may argue that we’re just getting older, but I think it’s all a matter of perspective.

You Still Think of Actors as the Iconic Characters they Portrayed in their Youth

Perhaps you find yourself wondering why Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell and Travis from Clueless are pretending to be lawyers together weeknights on TNT. Or, alternatively, you’re still marveling that Clarissa Darling and Blossom’s brother are involved in weekly madcap manny adventures. Regardless of all of the mold-breaking and serious roles these former teen actors undertake, it can be hard to remove them from the context of the Bop! magazine pullout posters that once plastered our walls.

Your Favorite Teen Pop Stars are Constantly Staging Comebacks

It may seem like only yesterday that young stars like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were shocking audiences with their bare midriffs and provocative dancing, but they’ve long since been replaced by a new generation of teen stars. The teen pop stars we grew up with are desperately clinging to their former sex-symbol statuses, and while many have managed to remain in the limelight it’s often been through tightly managed “comeback” moves and constant reinvention.

Rap Songs all Sound the Same, and the ones you like are by Artists who have been around Twenty Years

Case in point: I still love Jay-Z. His current age? 41. Hardly a representative of young folks today. Other pertinent examples: Snoop Dogg (age 39), P. Diddy (age 41) , Dr. Dre (age 46), Eminem (age 38), 50 Cent (age 35), Nelly (age 36)....need I go on?

It’s finally happened: I’ve turned into the old person who changes the radio station when an irritatingly repetitive rap song comes on. I find myself complaining about the lack of creativity, vulgar lyrics, and overly catchy hooks I can’t get out of my head. When a new rap song I like comes on, nine times out of ten the rapper is older than 35 and has been churning out hits since the early 90s.


Hollywood is already Remaking the Movies you Watched as a Kid

The movie industry is clearly low on new ideas. How else can you explain remaking films as recent as The Karate Kid, Footloose, The Bodyguard, and Total Recall? There are kids out there who don’t even know there was an original Karate Kid, or even if they do, they’re disappointed he couldn’t rap and wasn’t featured in a Justin Bieber song. Truly tragic.


You’ve Lived Through a Full Cycle of Fashion

All you have to do is walk into an American Apparel or Urban Outfitters to realize that their “new arrival” items are a reboot of the what you used to wear in junior high. A quick glance at the American Apparel website shows items like light wash high waisted jeans, neon scrunchies, leggings, and bodysuits. If only you had saved your middle school wardrobe, you’d save yourself a lot of money on new clothes.

Classroom Games or, how our teachers used up the endless minutes they couldn’t fill with educational material

It’s amazing how some childhood experiences can transcend both generations and state lines. I grew up over 1000 miles from my current residence, yet somehow all of my teacher friends here utilize most of the same games and time fillers I knew when I was a child. Either there is some super elaborate network of teacher communication that has been going strong for the last few decades or those who work with children aren’t always as creative as they like to think.

Whatever the reason, any good teacher or substitute always had a few of these classroom games up their sleeve to fill a dreaded five or ten minute gaps in the daily routine. To their credit, these brave adults were essentially locked in an airtight room with us for eight hours a day; even the most innovative of educators has trouble filling a few minutes here or there with no designated activity. In order to fill the void, our crafty teachers utilized some of the following games to keep us organized and discourage general classroom chaos:

Heads Up, Seven Up

Heads up, seven up is like the gold standard in classroom games: everyone played it and everyone inexplicably believed it was worthwhile. There is no real point to the game, but kids eat it up regardless. Many of us spent the better part of our youths with our foreheads pressed firmly against our wooden desks, thumb extended heavenward, obeying silently as a teacher or classmate ordered us, “Heads down, thumbs up!”

The seven lucky chosen ones circulate the room, each pressing down a single classmate’s thumb. Then “Heads up, seven up!” is called, and the players (who mostly cheat mercilessly with glances at shoes) attempt to guess who pushed their thumb. Some people would use tricky tactics like pressing lighter or harder than would be characteristically associated with them, but in general there’s very little chance we could blindly guess at who pushed our thumb.


Hot or Cold

Especially popular with young children, our teachers probably liked Hot or Cold because it was so time consuming. A student would leave the room and the teacher would hide an item somewhere in the classroom. When the student re-entered, the class would direct them toward the hidden item by rating each movement as either “Warm” “Hot” “Cool” or “Cold.” If your teacher was good at hiding things this process could take quite a bit of time, thus keeping us busy for as long as they needed.


Quiet Game

Ah, the quiet game. Is there no moment more satisfying to a teacher than to have tricked his or her entire class into being silent under the ruse of a game? It’s not a game; it’s just being quiet, but someone wins and most kids lose. For some reason, it remains an effective way to silence children in public or on long car trips. There doesn’t even need to be a prize. Just declare someone the “winner,” and children will continue to compete for your attention.


Around the World
At the very least, Around the World was more educational than the other distractions on this list. Usually played with math or other easily flashcardable facts, two students compete to offer the correct answer first. The loser sits back down in the seat, and the winner goes on to battle his or her classmates at flashcard mastery. Teachers used varying rules, but usually whoever made it all the way around the classroom was awarded some sort of prize and tricked into learning multiplication tables.


Hangman

If you think too carefully about it, hangman is a pretty morbid premise for a children’s game. On the upside, we had a chance to practice writing and spelling, but on the downside, the poor man has to be hanged for your inability to guess letters correctly. For those of us who were really horrible at Hangman, our teachers would offer us consolatory hats and ties and other hanged man accessories to further delay ending the game before we finally solved the puzzle. Little did they know they were also setting us up for a lifetime of being awesome at yelling the correct answers out at Wheel of Fortune.


Silent Ball

Kind of like the Quiet Game with a Nerf Ball, Silent Ball was another crafty ploy by our clever teachers to keep us from chatting during downtime. Students stand near their desks and throw the ball quietly to each other. Any bass passes, out-of-bounds throws, or missed catches led to an “out,” meaning you had to sit down in your seat. The last students standing were the winners, but the true winner was the teacher, seeing as how she had figured out how to adapt the Quiet Game for older, less gullible students.