Evolution of the Cell Phone Throughout the 80s and 90s

How badly do you want this set of Russian doll-style cell phones created by Karl Bean? Image via geekygadgets.com

These days you feel off kilter and uneasy if your phone is out of your reach for five minutes, but years ago cell phone technology was a flashy trend accessible only to the super rich and Zach Morris. 20 years ago, no one could foresee that even the homeless would be yapping away on cellular telephones, not to mention the growing number of elementary school students who tote personal phones in their backpacks. In an age where we feel a constant need to be plugged in, it's difficult to remember a time when we wouldn't think to tell the whole world of our mundane hourly activities in 140 characters or less. I almost can't believe that I survived an entire decade without knowing via Facebook that my ex-neighbor's daughter-in-law was vacuuming her apartment . A scary thought, indeed.

In the days before communication technology played a major role in our everyday activities, the cell phone was nothing short of a modern marvel. The idea that someone could whip a fully functional phone out of their pockets (or for earlier models, giant carrier bags) was astounding. Let's take a brief trip back through time to an age where simple technology could still delight and amaze the consuming masses:



Motorola DynaTAC 8000X (1983)


While we did see car phones before the 80s, we'd never seen anything quite like this. This was portable enough to be carried around, at least by 1983 standards. Unlike car phones, the DynaTAC series could connect without the intervention of an operator. Oh, and did I mention it cost $3995? In 1983 dollars. That's something upward of $8000 when adjusted for today's inflation. Needless to say, these were not within the reach of most consumers.



Nokia Mobira Talkman (1984)


Even under ideal care and conditions, the more portable DynaTAC could only eke out about 60 minutes of talk time. It was flashy and interesting, yes, but practical, no. On the plus side,these unwieldy battery packs on the Talkman models could allow for extended cell phone life. On the minus, you had to carry a giant battery around with you.

Motorola MicroTAC 9800X (1989)

This phone was widely revered for its small and light construction, boasting "pocket size" proportions. It even featured a revolutionary flip mouthpiece, which of course made it look infinitely cooler than the Zach Morris model. On the low end, no-frills versions of the MicroTAC sold for around $2500, still falling short of the release of a reasonably priced cellular telephone.



Pagers/Beepers

Yes, I admit, it's not really a cell phone. The pager, however, was a stepping stone into regular consumer ownership of phone-related devices. While cell phones were still pretty pricey for the general public, pagers became a sensible means of getting a hold of someone while they were out. For example, the babysitter could alert the parents of their child's incessant projectile vomiting, and the parents could rush to a nearby payphone to offer cleanup tips. It was a handy way to keep track of people, and far cheaper than a full-fledged phone.

As the affordability of cell phones rose, pagers were once again relegated to use by businesspeople and doctors. It almost makes me shed a tear to think that a generation from now, no one will think Daria's Quinn Morgendorfer's line, "Mom! I'm not my sister's beeper!" is funny. It is, by the way, hilarious.


First Cell Phone TV Commercial (1989)



That 80s music! The lack of voice-over! The cheesy montage quality! This commercial had it all. Well, all by the standards of horribly corny 80s commercials. I do kind of like when that guy tries to call his way out of the sheep traffic jam on the road. Classic.



Radio Shack Cell Phone TV Commercial (1990)



Just take a look at that battery pack! I mean, really. Doesn't this seem like somewhat of a step backward toward Talkman territory? Didn't they already have a few phones without enormous battery packs? Why do I need to carry the equivalent of a lumberjack's hearty lunchbox just to make a call on my boat? I assume cost and battery life had something to do with it, but that thing is an eyesore.

Motorola International 3200 (1992)
The first to utilize GSM (Global Systems for Mobile Communications) technology, this is the first of the cell phone dinosaurs that would actually still work on today's network. It also had an LCD screen, though you certainly couldn't do much with it.

First Person-to-Person Text Message (1993)

This nugget of information is included solely to bask in the memory of a time before text messages and the inevitable carpel tunnel developed thereafter. Back then, the idea of composing the equivalent of an entire letter via cell phone was unfathomable. Despite the available technology, it would still be several years before texting took off in a big way.


IBM Simon (1994)

IBM and BellSouth teamed up to produce the first market-viable SmartPhone, released in 1994 as the IBM Simon. The Simon had, alongside its regular cell phone capability, the power to send and receive faxes, a pager function, and the features of a PDA. It even came with games and had a touch screen. How progressive is that? At $899 it still wasn't a bargain, but it was slighty more within the range of access for ordinary consumers.



Motorola StarTAC (1996)

Our first flip phone, or as they are more adorably known, the clamshell model. It was extremely compact for the time, and the design looks pretty close to that of a basic flip phone today*. Magazine ads even featured a punch-out picture version of it to illustrate its real size, which was pretty well-received as far as marketing strategies go. On the other hand, this baby still cost you a grand, so you might have just stuck with faking it with your magazine cutout version.

Nokia 5110(1998)

One of the most popular models of the time, this phone was everywhere. Even Scully from the X-Files used it, and I certainly trust her taste in communication technology. This was the first phone I owned, rewarded to me upon receipt of my driver's license, and I certainly treasured it. I lavished it in gifts like jeweled buttons and electric pink faceplates, and let me tell you, I know my 5110 appreciated it.

The 5110 was also the first phone to have the game Snake, which entertained me through a serious bulk of my high school classes and study halls. Seriously, I rocked at Snake. This was also the first phone to feature interchangeable faceplates, meaning you could alter the design and make it look, in many cases, ridiculous.



Nokia 8810 (1998)

Our good friends at Nokia had a novel idea: why not fold up the external antenna and stick it inside the phone? The resultant 8810 with internal antenna was extremely popular, and looked pretty futuristic for its time. Just take my word for it.



Nokia 7110(1999)

Alright, finally we're getting somewhere connectivity-wise! The 7110 was the first to include WAP (Wireless Application Protocol) technology, meaning it had pretty limited access to some online material and capabilities. Plus, they modeled the sliding bottom after the phone in the Matrix. All you needed were a pair of sunglasses and a simulated reality environment and you could be just like Neo.

Nokia 3210 (1999)

Internal antenna? Compose your own ringtones? Switchable faceplates? And the first with T9? Where do I sign up?

My brain is now specially wired (or perhaps in this case, wirelessly capable) to know all of the distinct nuances of T9 without even looking at my phone. Predictive text was a new and exciting concept that meant you didn't have to press every damn button 4 times to get the letter you want, one at time. Well done, Nokia.



All of these phones are a far cry from today's ultra sleek, ultra capable phones, but at the time they were greeted with great enthusiasm. We never knew quite what they'd come up with next. Nowadays, it's hard to imagine how much further technology will go. I can't fathom what more they can do with it, but I'm sure they'll think of something. Catch up with me in 20 years when I'm chatting on my sandwich phone and we'll talk.



*Not that anyone except me still has an archaic phone like that, but still

Rocko's Modern Life

If you're going to do weird, you have to do it right. If you manage that, you can do quirky, surreal, intriguing, enthralling, and interesting=. If you do it wrong, though, it's just plain weird.

Rocko's Modern Life is without a doubt one of the weirdest children's cartoons out there. When I say out there, I mean out there as in that remote distance past normalcy and into a realm of the strange usually occupied by giant squids and Japanese gadgetry. With Rocko, creator Joe Murray managed to strike that delicate balance between strange and entertaining that so appeals to children. As kids, our imaginations have yet to be quashed by harsh cynicism, and we're far more willing to accept the absurd at face value. At least I think that's right; I'm not quite sure how else to explain the success of a show like Rocko.

Murray set out to create a show both edgy and funny, which is a lofty ambition for an ordinary show, let alone for a children's show. He and his team reworked one of his earlier animated concepts (My Dog Zero) to produce Rocko, a mild-mannered Australian wallaby transplanted to America. They packed the show with quirky secondary characters and a hearty dose of silliness that earned it a surprisingly large and loyal viewership over its four-season run.

The first episode of Rocko aired by Nickelodeon was No Pain No Gain/Who Gives a Buck, establishing the show's unique sense of humor, satire, and quirkiness. For your viewing pleasure, I present the first aired episode:


Watch Rocko's Modern Life No Pain, No Gain in Animation | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com


Watch Rocko's Modern Life Who Gives a Buck in Animation | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com


Let's meet our cast of characters:


Rocko

Like Madonna or Cher, our title character is without a last name. Unlike Madonna or Cher, he doesn't possess any diva-like qualities. He is the star of the show, sure, but he is determinedly non-confrontational and non-offensive. I guess they wanted him to be a fresh burst of sanity in the sea of crazy people inhabiting his O-town locale. He works at Kind of a Lot O' Comics and in his spare time enjoys recreational jackhammering and not wearing pants. How's that for a personal ad?



Spunky
Rocko's trusty canine companion, Spunky is an ordinary non-speaking domestic pet in a world of anthropomorphic animals. He also has two awesome parasites, Bloaty and Squirmy. I always liked Squirmy.



Heffer Wolfe
Heffer, a steer, is Rocko's dimwitted but well-meaning best friend. As a child, he was adopted by a family of wolves that benevolently deigned not to eat him. Though he tries to deny it, he really is a big fat cow. That guy could put away Chokey Chicken like nobody's business.



Filburt Shellbach


Filburt the turtle is about as nebbishy as you can get with his over-sized glasses, self-deprecating attitude, and overall low self-esteem. He has a sort of Woody Allen thing going on, though we wouldn't have known it as at the time as kids. He's frequently getting nauseous, cursing fishsticks, and turning a page/washing his hands/repeating. He later did some serious inter-species mating with a hook-handed cat. Like I said, weird.



Ed and Bev Bighead

Rocko's obnoxious neighbors, Ed and Bev are a toad couple. Ed works at the town's major employer, Conglom-O as manager. He generally abhors the existence of Rocko and Co, though Bev seems to like them okay.


Melba Toast

(No photo available. Obviously)

The semi-anonymous never-seen neighbor who serves as Rocko's romantic interest. Oh, and her name's a joke. Get it?



Really Really Big Man


Our resident superhero, RRBM was indeed a really, really big man with super strength. Plus, if you gazed into his Nipples of the Future, you might foresee something exciting. Yep, Nipples of the Future. Really. They spun and everything.



Dr. Paula Hutchinson

Paula eventually becomes Filburt's wife, though we first know her as a one-handed Jill-of-all-trades professional. Rocko legend has it that the good folks at Nickelodeon were none to pleased with the lack of positive female characters and asked for "a professional woman, someone with a good hook." Always ones to get the last laugh, the Rocko team gave Hutchinson a literal hook. It was, to their credit, pretty good. Mission accomplished.

The show was often crude and featured sexual innuendo and adult-style humor that usually eked by the censors. Some scenes, however, were omitted from the rebroadcasts due to their allegedly questionable content deemed inappropriate for juvenile audiences. The scene below was only broadcast once before it was cut from the episode "Road Rash":



The episode "Leap Frogs" was also pulled after its initial airing due to inappropriate content. "Leap Frogs" featured Rocko's neighbor Bev Bighead attempting to seduce our wallaby frontman. It's a wonder some of these episodes ever made it past the censors the first time around. I suppose it was a different time, when sex-crazed cartoons were par for the course.


Watch Rocko's Modern Life - Leap Frogs in Animation | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

You must admit, the show has a certain appeal, even now as an adult viewer. I got sucked into that last clip with as much interest as I had as a kid, probably more because my reaction now is peppered with the shock that this Mrs. Robinson-esque episode is exclusively about sex. In Nickelodeon's defense, I liked it the first time around and it was sly enough not to state outright its complete focus on sex. I just thought she wanted to give him some ice-cold lemonade. What's so wrong with that?

On the other hand, that part where he massages his eyeballs was enough to give me some minor-league nightmares. Part of the show's idiosyncratic charm was its almost repellent slapstick gags. Rocko's Modern Life was tough to pin down. It could be sweet, it could be funny or sardonic, and it could be gross-out disgusting. The show's charm lay in the fact that it was unlike anything we'd ever seen, particularly from a kids' show. It was sharp, it was funny, and best of all a whole lot of it was completely inappropriate.

It was all in good fun, though, and kids and adults ate it up like Pasture Puffies. Though you could certainly offer some heavy critiques to content, the show never took itself too seriously, nor did it ever ask us to take itself seriously. It was meant to be funny, and it was funny. Like I said, they did weird right. It was still weird, sure, but more importantly it was entertaining.

Ubiquitous 80s and 90s Advertising Slogans

An effective and memorable advertising campaign can be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, a phrase associated with your product will be forever embedded in your consumers' minds. On the other, they will probably find this mentally inextricable campaign to fall somewhere between mildly irritating and hair-tearingly unbearable. So to review, yes, they'll remember it, but they'll also grow to hate it. Sort of a mixed bag if I ever saw one.

Adhering to the age-old adage of "all publicity is good publicity", these advertising agencies pushed forward with these catchy campaigns that with repeated viewing came to resemble nails on a chalkboard. Regardless, if we're still remembering them a decade later, it must be a testament to their effectiveness. Here are just a few of the ads that populated our favorite TV blocks and haunted our dreams throughout the 80s and 90s:




Where's the Beef? (Wendy's)


There must be something to be said for repetition. By my count, the old broad on the right croaks, "Where's the beef?" three times in a thirty second spot. No wonder we all remember it so well: they were essentially drilling it into our consciousness with these ads.

The ad served to showcase the perceived poor ratio of bun-to-burger we find at most fast food restaurants. Not at Wendy's, though, according to our elderly spokesfriend Clara Peller. She's not sold on that all bun/mini burger combo and is quick to question the relative location of her cow byproducts, and with good reason. Nice going, Clara. You tell it like it is.

"Where's the Beef?" became such a popular slogan that 1984 presidential candidate Walter Mondale actually adopted it for his campaign, accusing fellow Democrat-in-the-running Gary Hart of being all show and little substance. Admittedly, Mondale didn't ascend to the presidency either, but you have to admire his cajones for adopting a fast food slogan as a debate point.



Got Milk? (Milk)


The Got Milk? ads are still circulating, but they premiered and reached their peak popularity in the 90s. Above is the first television spot in which an Aaron Burr fanatic fails to win the $10,000 radio call-in prize about, you guessed, it, Aaron Burr. And why, do you ask, were his noble Burr-loving efforts thwarted? Why, a peanut butter sandwich of course. With no milk to wash it down. All sandwich and no milk makes a very sad boy. Or at least one out $10,000. It seems the message here was fail to drink milk, miss out on valuable contest prize opportunities. You don't have to tell me twice.

The ads featuring the trademark mustache ran in many popular magazines, showcasing milk mustachioed celebrities with a blurb about their calcium-rich lifetstyles. We'll just ignore that many of the young starlets featured in these ads went on to lead drug-addled, eating-disordered, generally troubled lives and chalk their resilience up to milk-related bone strength.

To read the full article about the Got Milk? campaign, click here



Wassup? (Budweiser)



This ad is proof that more irritating your ad, the more likely it is to catch on as a general societal phenomenon. These Budweisers commercials feature a group of beer-drinkin', football watchin' fellas greet each other on the phone with the phrase, "Whasssssup?" There was a certain inflection and accompanying head-shaking movement that made the phrase distinctive from its less idiotic counterpart, "What's Up?"

The ad was actually based on a short film entitled True, which was basically the "Whassssup?"-loving premise we see here only with less direct product placement. That film caught the attention of someone over at Anheuser-Busch, and the rest was irritating catch phrase-spewing history. This ad was shown so often and parodied so frequently that it was quickly woven into the fabric of our daily speech patterns. I will admit, I did like the international version of the ad Budweiser put out. When that Japanese guy bellows, "Konichiwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?" I just melt a little inside.



Yo Quiero Taco Bell (Taco Bell)



There's nothing like good old fashioned animal ethnic stereotyping to bring something fresh and fun to the fast food advertising table. Thanks to Taco Bell, I can't imagine any of my friend's chihuahuas speaking in anything other than a Mexican accent. Granted, they don't really speak so much as yip, but I'd prefer to not feel guilty over my racial profiling-style translation of their yips into requests for cheesy gorditas.

Taco Bell's chihuahua became a very popular advertising icon, and his trademark phrase, "Yo Quiero Taco Bell" quickly rose to catch phrase status. All this dog did was walk down the street, proclaim his desire for Taco Bell in Spanish, and everyone loved him. It seems the second you throw another language into the mix, the ad suddenly becomes exotic and interesting to the general public. I can't imagine we'd have reacted the same to a Staten Island Taco Bell Dog.



I Want to Be Like Mike (Gatorade)



In 1992, who didn't want to be like Mike? We were all in awe of the basketball star's incredible prowess on the courts, and if Gatorade promised to make us just a little more Mike-like, well, then we were going to take them at their word. I drank hundreds of Gatorades and have yet to make a jump shot. How do you explain that one, Gatorade? Huh?



Keeps Going and Going and Going (Energizer)



Though most of us 90s kids wouldn't know it from our own respective childhoods, the Energizer Bunny actually started as a parody of their battery-producing rival Duracell's trademark Duracell Bunny. I know, right? A Duracell bunny? Who knew? The popularity and resonance of Energizer's mascot far outlived its competition, and its Energizer Bunny soon became a highly recognizable character. I mean, he wears wayfarer sunglasses and plays a marching band-style drum. What's not to like?



What Would You Do For a Klondike Bar? (Klondike)



The people at Good Humor-Breyers just knew that we were all gaga for the rich chocolatey ice-creamy taste of their trademark Klondike Bars. So they posed us a simple question: What would you do for a Klondike Bar? According to their commercials, it seemed we'd do quite a bit. The ads were definitely memorable, but they also made me seriously question my candy-coated ice cream intervention. I'm still working on my 12 step program. I'm just about to apologize to my dog in the above ad for mocking him just to get my fix. Sorry, Fido.



Just Do It (Nike)


What exactly is this mysterious "it"? We may never know, but at least Nike dropped us all some helpful hints in the slogan's premiere ad spot in 1988. "It" must be some sort of athletic ball, though its exact specifications are never clarified. I guess we'll just have to keep buying Nike products till we find out. I have a feeling that Swoosh will eventually point us in the right direction, though I can't be sure.



Once You Pop, You Can't Stop (Pringles)


Yes, that's right: not only did this decade's advertising campaigns encourage us to embrace our addiction to Klondike Bars, we were supposed to take on the Pringle fix as well. I'm not exactly sure what all of these addiction-themed ads are trying to tell us about the relationship between advertising and susceptibility to addiction, but I don't think I want to know. I can't even look at a duck anymore without picturing myself in full on Pringle duck-bill mode. That's how far this has gone. Are you happy now, Pringles? Well? Are you?



Pardon Me, Would You Have any Grey Poupon? (Grey Poupon)


When I think class and upper crustiness, the first place my mind usually goes is mustard. I can't help it. I know they must eat caviar and filet mignon also, but my childhood advertising never exposed that side of wealthy living to me. No, all I got was the Grey Poupon angle. Apparently, if you're classy and you drive a Rolls Royce, people are bound to trouble you for some Grey Poupon so you sure as hell better have some on hand. I mean, can you imagine the humiliation if another Rolls pulls up alongside yours and you don't even have any mustard to offer? For shame.



I've Fallen, and I Can't Get Up! (LifeAlert)



Okay, okay. I admit it. This one is such an easy target. It just oozes a corniness and poor reenactment quality that rivals any grainy black and white fake footage I've seen in those Discovery documentaries about unknowing pregnancies. And let me tell you, that's no easy feat.

Despite the fact that our narrator informs us that she was allegedly "deathly ill", she still summoned the mental wherewithal to press her LifeAlert button. Now that's a powerful system. Death doesn't stand a chance against it. Whether it's Mr. Miller's poorly acted chest pains or Mrs. Fletcher's trademark falling/inability to get up, this commercial was really asking to be mocked. If you're trying to convince children to respect the elderly, I'd advise never showing them this commercial. Even after the laughter eventually dies down, they're doomed to forever think of the old as both helpless and in desperate need of acting classes. Not exactly the respectable combination they may have hoped for.

To read the full post on the I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up! campaign, click here




Whether or not you'd like to admit it at this juncture in your life, most of us shamelessly repeated these refrains as if we'd discovered the golden ticket to comedic exceptionality. At one point or another, you probably pretended to be a Rolls Royce patron in desperate need of spiced mustard or a Chihuahua seeking his favored cheesy sour cream chalupas. It's time to embrace your embarrassing youthful slogan parroting and remember these campaigns for what they were: brilliant forays into the realm of eternal memory. Someday we may be old and senile, but we will probably still quip from our adjustable hospital beds about the addictive qualities of Pringles or the basketball skill-affirming powers of Gatorade. Now that's good advertising.