Just in case all of the reasons in this post weren't enough to bring your unstoppable pending adultification to light, here's one more to add to the pile. While hearing the songs we grew up with reduced to Muzak in waiting rooms, dentist offices, grocery stores, and elevators is certainly a step down from their once-hip status, now they're parodying our old favorites for less and less attractive causes. One day your song is an R&B top charter, and the next, well, it's in deep doo-doo.
Dog doo-doo, that is. The Puget Sound Starts Here environmental group (http://pugetsoundstartshere.org/) released a Blackstreet "No Diggity" parody entitled--you guessed it--"Dog Doogity" to raise awareness about how picking up dog's poop can enhance the water quality in the city of Puget Sound. I remember skating to the original Blackstreet jam at roller rink birthday parties, and now it's been reduced to a dog poop awareness campaign anthem:
And the lyrics, for good measure:
You know what,
I like the Puget Sound,
Dog doogity, no doubt, uh!
Play on Puget
Play on Puget
Yo dog dropped a deuce!
Doggy get down, good dog
Baby got her walkin through Seatown
And all around the Puget Sound
Cover much ground, she ain't a hound from the pound
In the rain, it's a good day
Each and every day, the Northwest way
The girl and her dog, they were fine (wow)
Until they left a doodie, that's a crime (bow wow)
East side to the West side
Pushin I-5, take a ferry ride
I hope she got treats in the stash
Bacon gives her gas
Fast when it comes to the snacks
I noticed that dance
It's on when she kicks like a rabbit
Doggy, when you do your doo, I'm gonna help you
Can I get down so I can
I like the way you walk it
We've got to bag it up (repeat 4x)
Hey yo x4
Hey yo, lets keep this clean
Hey yo x4
Pick it up! Pick it up! Keep it green
Hey yo x4
You don't want to swim in poo
Hey yo x4, Heeeeeey
I like the way you walk it
Dog doogity, we've got to bag it up (repeat 4x)
So there you have it. The once-cool songs we grew up with are morphing into some sort of public domain-owned joke song fodder. At least it's kind of funny, if you like lines like "Bacon gives her gas." I think the humor may be a little subjective. I do really like the dramatic way he appears in the shadows with a doody bag, though. That's just good citizenship.
In case you're thinking this is a cop-out of an excuse for a real post, it totally is. Thanks for noticing! More full posts coming soon, I promise.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
You knew it would happen, you just never imagined it would happen to you. One day you’re raging against the machine and bringing the man down while wearing flannel (or if you were more like me, grooving to Ace of Base on your Walkman while donning a Blossom hat) and the next you’re shaking your fist in a crotchety manner and muttering incoherently about the trouble with “kids today.” Where do the years go?
Getting older is inevitable, but the gradual onset of adulthood makes it difficult to pinpoint that exact moment you start to worry about the health of your 401K and can sustain lengthy dinner party conversations about mortgage rates and homeowner association costs. Just in case you’ve been building up a thick shield of denial, Children of the 90s is here to break it down and point out all the glaring signs that you’re just not as young as you used to be. Sounds like fun, right? Here goes:
The Shows you Grew Up With are on Nick at Nite
When we were kids, Nick at Nite was a block of television that featured significantly older and largely black and white sitcoms like I Love Lucy and The Munsters. At some point I must have stopped watching because I was recently shocked to learn that Nick at Nite now plays Home Improvement and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. When did all of the things I grew up with get so retro? Do kids today think of Full House the same way I thought of Mr. Ed? A terrifying prospect indeed.
The Kids on The Real World keep getting YoungerWhen The Real World premiered in 1992, its stars seemed so grown-up to us children of the 90s. Fast forward 25 seasons and a suspicious trend is emerging: the cast members not only seem to be growing less relevant and more obscure with each year, but also significantly younger. Some may argue that we’re just getting older, but I think it’s all a matter of perspective.
Perhaps you find yourself wondering why Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell and Travis from Clueless are pretending to be lawyers together weeknights on TNT. Or, alternatively, you’re still marveling that Clarissa Darling and Blossom’s brother are involved in weekly madcap manny adventures. Regardless of all of the mold-breaking and serious roles these former teen actors undertake, it can be hard to remove them from the context of the Bop! magazine pullout posters that once plastered our walls.
You Still Think of Actors as the Iconic Characters they Portrayed in their Youth
Your Favorite Teen Pop Stars are Constantly Staging ComebacksIt may seem like only yesterday that young stars like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were shocking audiences with their bare midriffs and provocative dancing, but they’ve long since been replaced by a new generation of teen stars. The teen pop stars we grew up with are desperately clinging to their former sex-symbol statuses, and while many have managed to remain in the limelight it’s often been through tightly managed “comeback” moves and constant reinvention.
Rap Songs all Sound the Same, and the ones you like are by Artists who have been around Twenty YearsCase in point: I still love Jay-Z. His current age? 41. Hardly a representative of young folks today. Other pertinent examples: Snoop Dogg (age 39), P. Diddy (age 41) , Dr. Dre (age 46), Eminem (age 38), 50 Cent (age 35), Nelly (age 36)....need I go on?
It’s finally happened: I’ve turned into the old person who changes the radio station when an irritatingly repetitive rap song comes on. I find myself complaining about the lack of creativity, vulgar lyrics, and overly catchy hooks I can’t get out of my head. When a new rap song I like comes on, nine times out of ten the rapper is older than 35 and has been churning out hits since the early 90s.
Hollywood is already Remaking the Movies you Watched as a Kid
The movie industry is clearly low on new ideas. How else can you explain remaking films as recent as The Karate Kid, Footloose, The Bodyguard, and Total Recall? There are kids out there who don’t even know there was an original Karate Kid, or even if they do, they’re disappointed he couldn’t rap and wasn’t featured in a Justin Bieber song. Truly tragic.
You’ve Lived Through a Full Cycle of Fashion
All you have to do is walk into an American Apparel or Urban Outfitters to realize that their “new arrival” items are a reboot of the what you used to wear in junior high. A quick glance at the American Apparel website shows items like light wash high waisted jeans, neon scrunchies, leggings, and bodysuits. If only you had saved your middle school wardrobe, you’d save yourself a lot of money on new clothes.