Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Telltale Signs Children of the 90s are Getting Older

You knew it would happen, you just never imagined it would happen to you. One day you’re raging against the machine and bringing the man down while wearing flannel (or if you were more like me, grooving to Ace of Base on your Walkman while donning a Blossom hat) and the next you’re shaking your fist in a crotchety manner and muttering incoherently about the trouble with “kids today.” Where do the years go?

Getting older is inevitable, but the gradual onset of adulthood makes it difficult to pinpoint that exact moment you start to worry about the health of your 401K and can sustain lengthy dinner party conversations about mortgage rates and homeowner association costs. Just in case you’ve been building up a thick shield of denial, Children of the 90s is here to break it down and point out all the glaring signs that you’re just not as young as you used to be. Sounds like fun, right? Here goes:

The Shows you Grew Up With are on Nick at Nite

When we were kids, Nick at Nite was a block of television that featured significantly older and largely black and white sitcoms like I Love Lucy and The Munsters. At some point I must have stopped watching because I was recently shocked to learn that Nick at Nite now plays Home Improvement and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. When did all of the things I grew up with get so retro? Do kids today think of Full House the same way I thought of Mr. Ed? A terrifying prospect indeed.

The Kids on The Real World keep getting Younger

When The Real World premiered in 1992, its stars seemed so grown-up to us children of the 90s. Fast forward 25 seasons and a suspicious trend is emerging: the cast members not only seem to be growing less relevant and more obscure with each year, but also significantly younger. Some may argue that we’re just getting older, but I think it’s all a matter of perspective.

You Still Think of Actors as the Iconic Characters they Portrayed in their Youth

Perhaps you find yourself wondering why Zach Morris from Saved by the Bell and Travis from Clueless are pretending to be lawyers together weeknights on TNT. Or, alternatively, you’re still marveling that Clarissa Darling and Blossom’s brother are involved in weekly madcap manny adventures. Regardless of all of the mold-breaking and serious roles these former teen actors undertake, it can be hard to remove them from the context of the Bop! magazine pullout posters that once plastered our walls.

Your Favorite Teen Pop Stars are Constantly Staging Comebacks

It may seem like only yesterday that young stars like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were shocking audiences with their bare midriffs and provocative dancing, but they’ve long since been replaced by a new generation of teen stars. The teen pop stars we grew up with are desperately clinging to their former sex-symbol statuses, and while many have managed to remain in the limelight it’s often been through tightly managed “comeback” moves and constant reinvention.

Rap Songs all Sound the Same, and the ones you like are by Artists who have been around Twenty Years

Case in point: I still love Jay-Z. His current age? 41. Hardly a representative of young folks today. Other pertinent examples: Snoop Dogg (age 39), P. Diddy (age 41) , Dr. Dre (age 46), Eminem (age 38), 50 Cent (age 35), Nelly (age 36)....need I go on?

It’s finally happened: I’ve turned into the old person who changes the radio station when an irritatingly repetitive rap song comes on. I find myself complaining about the lack of creativity, vulgar lyrics, and overly catchy hooks I can’t get out of my head. When a new rap song I like comes on, nine times out of ten the rapper is older than 35 and has been churning out hits since the early 90s.

Hollywood is already Remaking the Movies you Watched as a Kid

The movie industry is clearly low on new ideas. How else can you explain remaking films as recent as The Karate Kid, Footloose, The Bodyguard, and Total Recall? There are kids out there who don’t even know there was an original Karate Kid, or even if they do, they’re disappointed he couldn’t rap and wasn’t featured in a Justin Bieber song. Truly tragic.

You’ve Lived Through a Full Cycle of Fashion

All you have to do is walk into an American Apparel or Urban Outfitters to realize that their “new arrival” items are a reboot of the what you used to wear in junior high. A quick glance at the American Apparel website shows items like light wash high waisted jeans, neon scrunchies, leggings, and bodysuits. If only you had saved your middle school wardrobe, you’d save yourself a lot of money on new clothes.


Lil' Woman said...

So I really am getting older...ugh ;)

Lindsay @ Tails to Tell said...

Oh boy... So true... I'm turning into a granny!

Belle said...

This is so depressing. Especially this: "Do kids today think of Full House the same way I thought of Mr. Ed? A terrifying prospect indeed."
I'm feel so old :(

Angela_Baker said...

Recently, my neighbor's 13 year old daughter had a sleepover and mentioned to me that she and her friends were going to watch "That old movie, Titanic." After which, I felt a pain on the inside when I realized that Titanic came out 14 years ago, and this girl wasn't even born yet while I was wearing my I <3 Leo shirts and seeing the movie in theaters 10 times in a row.

Amanda said...

This is all so freaking true and depressing. I feel old all the time, which is ridiculous because I'm not. But all "my things" are now "old" and it blows my mind.

Also, I just realized the other day that I am now older than Uncle Jesse was on the first season of Full House. I almost had to lay down.

Shannon Rae said...

So funny!

Julie said...

This is so true! I found myself nodding at so many points, sometimes to my dismay(!), but I got a big kick out of this:

Or, alternatively, you’re still marveling that Clarissa Darling and Blossom’s brother are involved in weekly madcap manny adventures.

jlmarcrum said...

I felt old when I was explaining to the 11 year old that I took care of what a rave was. Her 13 year old sister interrupted me and said "it's something old people used to do to have fun." Ouch! Re: 90s fashion...if you wore it the first time around, you're probably too old to wear it now. Sigh.

Tanya said...

"Grooving to Ace of Base on your Walkman while donning a Blossom hat"...uuummm, you just described 12-year-old me in detail! Oh man I love your blog :)

Scrapyard Butterfly said...

Sad but true. I was out shopping the other day, and saw slap bracelets. I thought those got banned??? Or maybe that's what my mom told me and my brothers after we kept slicing each other up with them...

Jasmin Romero said...

I had the tv on in the back round and the show "step by step" and I haven't seen that in years and everytthing started flooding back to me all the words to the theme songs and that there was good theme songs back in the day and that every single show frrom the 90s without fail always had a lesson to learn from like family matter or the be understanding now days all the shows r either about sex lying or bein fake come on world get it together lol. The 90s great times

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