90s Kid-Friendly TV Program Blocks

Parents in the 90s must not have considered the potentially detrimental effects of parking their kids in front of the TV for four or five straight hours. How else can you explain the endless list of hours-long program blocks marketed at TV-hungry kids in the 90s? Children's TV was shaping up to be the ultimate babysitter, seamlessly filling in every possible day and time slot during which kids might be loitering around the house. After all, why go outside and play with our Huffy bikes and Skip-Its when we could just experience it vicariously through the commercials? Those kids were always way more enthusiastic than we could ever be, anyway.

For a decade of children far less dependent on technology than today's kids, we sure watched a lot of TV. We can only imagine the future of children's programming as parents' growing anxiousness to keep their children satiated and entertained continues to grow. In our childhood years, though, we were content watching a few hours at a time and luxuriating in the laziness. It still had that delightful aura of the forbidden. Our parents may have tried their best to limit our TV hours, but at the end of the day (or the case of some of these blocks, the beginning) it was a lot easier to just let the mind-numbing glow of passive entertainment wash over us. It's like those parents who load up their grocery carts with organic kale and banana chips for their kids, but eventually cave to nuking some chicken nuggets. It may not be the right choice, but it's an easy one. As we grow into adults, we can certainly appreciate their laziness.


ABC's TGIF



TGIF reigned supreme when it came to Friday night kid's TV. Originally conceived in the late 80s as the "Friday Night Fun Club", ABC's kid-friendly block morphed into TGIF: Thank Goodness It's Funny. The original lineup included Perfect Strangers, Full House, Mr. Belvedere, and Just the Ten of US. A lot of pretty terrible short-lived shows cycled through TGIF over the years, but they were able to mask it with some solid favorites like Boy Meets World, Step by Step, Family Matters, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch. For every miscalculated move like Teen Angel, there always seemed to be a Dinosaurs waiting in the wings.



SNICK



SNICk was a brilliant marketing tool, as it mainly catered to the then-unclaimed tween demographic. The key to capturing the interest of 8-12 year olds is treating them like teenagers. I don't mean in a current Limited Too miniskirts and go-go boots way. This was thankfully far subtler. Nickelodeon shows with teenage characters and market them at tweens, a demographic that at times is likely to act too cool for kid's shows. SNICK premiered in 1992 featuring Clarissa Explains It All, Ren and Stimpy, Roundhouse, and Are You Afraid of the Dark? Though the lineup changed frequently throughout the years, Nick was pretty masterful at holding our fleeting attention spans. They threw in some goodies like The Secret World of Alex Mack and All That and we were hooked.



Nick in the Afternoon



Another wise and undoubtedly calculated move on the part of Nickelodeon, the network aimed to capture the at-home idling demographic of kids in the summertime. They installed a popsicle stick host with the hours-deliberating-in-the-Nick-boardroom moniker Stick Stickly. It was a great means of getting more mileage out of their reruns, packaging the block as a chance for kids to request their favorite classic episodes. For Nick, this meant they didn't have to come up with anything other than a popsicle stick and some googly eyes. Not too shabby.



The Disney Afternoon



There's no doubt Disney is great at hawking its animated goods to kids. The Disney Afternoon block was no exception, featuring endless variations of their always popular characters. The block premiered in 1990 with Adventures of the Gummi Bears, DuckTales, Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers, and TaleSpin. Later shows included Darkwing Duck, Goof Troop, and the far-inferior Disney's Doug. The shows aired in the after-school hours, a perfect means of entertaining the growing number of latchkey kids left to fend for themselves with nothing but the remote control and a tube of Pringles.



FOX Kids



FOX Kids was a formidable franchise, despite the fact that it rarely aired the same shows two years in a row. Though the block opened in 1990 with animated shows like Bobby's World and the game show Fun House, the lineup changed regularly throughout its 12-year run. That's not to say there was no quality programming: FOX Kids played classics like Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Animaniacs, Tiny Toon Adventures, and Goosebumps. My favorite, though, was always the magazine. For some as-of-yet unexplained reason, this block of children's TV shows warranted its own publication. Sometimes we got it free with Pizza Hut orders, others it came in the mail, but whatever route it took to my mailbox the glorified promo was inexplicably awesome.



Nick Junior



Let me just say, that Face mascot is actually pretty creepy. What is that thing? Why is it so happy all the time? I liked it as a kid, but as an adult it's almost disturbingly cheerful. Maybe I just haven't had enough coffee yet to deal with this sort of unnerving smileyness, but it definitely is weirding me out.

Nick Junior was marketed at a younger set, namely kids under the age of 5. I'll admit, though, on elementary school sick days there was nothing quite like curling up with some Blue's Clues and Gullah Gullah Island. I wasn't going to shout it from the rooftops or anything, but I sincerely enjoyed shows like Eureka's Castle, Muppet Babies, and David the Knome. Whew. Feels good to finally get that one off my chest.


Teen NBC (TNBC)



Turns out Saturday mornings weren't just for cartoons: apparently older kids could get in on the action too with these delightfully cheesy teen sitcoms. With shows like Saved by the Bell and California Dreams, they could definitely hold our attention while padding the rest of the block with total fluff. That, of course, hinges on the notion that the aforementioned TNBC shows had any substance. I'll leave that one up to you.


Nick at Nite



Nick at Nite may not have been just for kids, but it was a means of enjoying some good ol' fashioned cross-generational TV. Kids and parents could watch old favorites together, delighting in shows like I Love Lucy, The Brady Bunch and Mister Ed. It introduced a new generation of kids to a lineup of classic shows. The Nick@Nite model has wavered a bit over the years, though, now broadcasting old 90s reruns in lieu of black and white oldies. When did we become so retro? It's rumored they may even add Friends to their lineup in the next couple of years. If the thought of kids viewing Friends the way you saw Bewitched doesn't make you feel the tiniest bit old, I don't know what will.


Overall, the programming blocks were a happy compromise. Kids liked the notion that they were getting away with watching an ungodly amount of TV, while parents liked the fact that the shows were at best marginally educational and at the least, appropriate. We may have lost countless of potentially active hours glued to our screens, but it's given us wonderful life preparation for our hours spent in front of our desk's computers. Thanks, SNICK!

Children of the 90s Mix Tape Travel Playlist: Road Trip Sing-Along

Disclaimer: This playlist give you full license to judge me relentlessly. I don't claim any of this to be quality music. Quite the contrary. That's what makes it so fun to sing along to.


Bon voyage, children of the 90s. Your faithful 90s servant is about to embark on a vacation, but I can't leave my faithful readers in a lurch. I leave you with my personal (and incredibly embarrassing) road trip playlist. These infectious songs are more than enough to entertain you on a long journey--your singing and boy band-esque dance moves in the car will probably keep neighboring drivers entertained as well.

Without further ado, my personal picks for road trip sing-along playlist:


When the Lights Go Out (5ive)



This band spells their name with a number. How clever is that? Whatever they're pushing, it's got to be good.


C'est La Vie (B*Witched)



Why don't we have more Irish dance breaks in songs today?


Never Ever (All Saints)



There's something just so inexplicably fun about singing along to that spoken part. It's just so long, and has such a poor rhyme scheme. How can you resist?


Spiderwebs (No Doubt)



Tragic Kingdom was the first CD I owned, so the songs on that album hold a special place in my heart. I always imagined that when I was a grown-up, I would leave the chorus of this on my answering machine as my outgoing message. It turns out the joke's on me: answering machines no longer exist. Tough break.


Jumper (Third Eye Blind)



I have a soft spot for Third Eye Blind. They played this song when I went to the concert in 8th grade, and again when I saw them last year. I enjoyed it just much. It's one of those songs with easy-to-learn lyrics that you can just belt out along to.


What I Got (Sublime)



Looking back, it's hard to believe I liked this song as a kid. I don't think I understood a word of it, I just like the beat. I think I also liked that he had a dalmatian. That was pretty much my grasp of it.


500 Miles (The Proclaimers)



A 90s one-hit wonder classic. You can try to harmonize along, attempt to impersonate their accents, or just contemplate the meaning of the verb "to haver". Whichever way, you win.


Wannabe (Spice Girls)



As far as Spice Girls go, no matter what you choose is pretty embarrassing. For me, it was between this and "Stop", to which my friends and I choreographed a full-length dance. It's too tough to perform this complicated dance in the car, though, so we'll go with "Wannabe". It'll make you really, really, really want a zig-a-zig-ah. Whatever that means.


Calculus (2ge+her)



The funniest part about this fake boy band is that when it comes down to it, 10 years later I'd rather have these guys on my playlist than most real boy bands. Touche, 2ge+her.


One Week (Barenaked Ladies)



These guys were huge in the 90s, and as kids the band name could definitely summon a giggle or two. It's always fun to try to learn all the words to a song that goes really fast, it's a very satisfying feeling to get them all right. Or more likely, assume you got them all right. I've got a few questionable mumbled phrases in mine.


You Oughtta Know (Alanis Morisette)



I don't care if you're going through a breakup or not, this song is one of the most fun to sing along to. It's just so angry. It also might be about Uncle Joey, which makes it that much more ridiculous. I want to know the theater this alleged action happened in so I can make a note to never, never go there. It's bad enough to watch Uncle Joey do those god-awful woodchuck impressions, I don't want to have to consider him in these compromising positions, too.


Always Be My Baby (Mariah Carey)



This one is just catchy, plain and simple. Mariah's been at it for years, and she's still got it. And who can hate on that part that goes "do do do dum?" Those are the best ingredients for a quality sing-along.


Inside Out (Eve 6)



This song is pretty dark now that I can make a little more sense of the words, but back in the day I loved singing to it. I didn't really consider the repercussions of putting my tender heart in a blender and watching it spin around to a beautiful oblivion. I just liked the beat. Eve 6 is following me on Twitter, which makes me feel like a champ, too.


Who Will Save Your Soul? (Jewel)



I have a feeling a lot of you will disagree with me on this one, but this is one of those guilty pleasures. I'm still not totally sure what some of the words are, but that won't stop me from singing what I think them to be at the top of my lungs.


Walkin' on the Sun (Smashmouth)



I love how in this video the newscaster introduces them as "Rock n' roll's Smashmouth!" I don't quite see these guys as representative of rock n' roll, but you have to admit they're about as 90s as you can get.


Ants Marching (Dave Matthews)



How can that intro not make you feel just the tiniest upbeat? It's just a happy-sounding song.


MmmBop (Hanson)



You know, I think I can feel you judging me. I was in maybe 6th grade when this came out, and I instantly fell in love with Zach Hanson. Mostly I think I was just jealous that his hair was prettier than mine, but I liked the song either way.


Tubthumping (Chumbawumba)



What exactly is tubthumping? And for that matter, a chumbawumba? This is a sort of (okay, really) terrible song, but it's just so catchy.


Summer Girls (LFO)


Speaking of pretty terrible songs. I still like it. I can't help it. It makes no sense, but it's just pure kitsch. Plus, one of the band members commented on my post on LFO, which I thought was pretty cool.



I Want You (Cherry Cola) (Savage Garden)



If I still have any male readers left by the time I got to this one, I'd be shocked. I know, I know. This is pretty bad. But they say ch-ch-cherry cola! It's fun!


Runaround (Blues Traveler)



This is another one of those songs that just has tons of words squeezed into it, so it's fun to imagine I know all of them. As a kid, I just really liked that part where he goes, "I like coffee and I like tea". I don't know why. As a kid, I didn't like either.


Steal My Sunshine (Len)



Oh, come on. You know you listened to this one, too. The final choice was either this or Vitamin C's graduation song, so you should be thankful I spared you that one.


Alright, I think that's enough humiliation for this week. Have a great weekend, children of the 90s! I swear if you put this on your iTunes and take it to the gym or in your car, you won't regret it. Just don't turn it up too high or roll your windows down. That would just be embarrassing.

90s Hair Trends

It's always tough to judge a trend outside the context of its time. When it's current, it seems the hippest, most innovative idea any of us have ever seen. In retrospect, though, we've just got to wonder what exactly was going through (or in this case, on top of) our heads when we bought into these fads.

In the case of these hairstyles, hindsight really is 20/20. What seemed so stylish at the time inevitably ends up looking dated and at times, ridiculous. When your grandkids are mocking you in your yearbook photos forty years down the road, gently remind them that these looks were the height of style in our day. Just don't be surprised if they still make fun of you for your rat tail. You kind of deserve it.


For the Ladies:

The Rachel


Was there a female alive in the 90s who didn't want this haircut? Jennifer Aniston's hair quickly became an iconic 90s hairstyle, prompting women everywhere to ask their stylists to recreate her famous shaggy layers. It looked great on 20-and-30-somethings, but it was certainly an odd look for anyone outside that age range, especially children. It's just sort of unsettling to see this adult on a kid, though it didn't stop me from coveting my classmates' mature-looking Rachel cuts.


Mall Bangs or Leveled Bangs


A carryover from the 80s, mall bangs were a staple for anyone possessing a hair dryer, a round brush, and a gallon-sized jug of hairspray. These babies were poufed to the max and often featured strangely separated strands. Some bang-wearers took the look to the next level (literally) by establishing a bi-level bang that required not one but two rounds of styling to give each level a different layer of volume.


Scrunchies
These ponytail accessories were everywhere in the 90s. Retailers even sold matching scrunchies with their outfits so we could put together a coordinated look. Isn't that thoughtful of them? I distinctly remember owning a Limited Too outfit that included a matching scrunchie, and it was unacceptable to wear one without the other. Scrunchies were composed of oversized tubular pieces of fabric "scrunched" around an elastic band. The boldest among us even attempted multiple scrunchies in a single hairstyle by segmenting their ponytail into a number of elastic-separated bunches. Extra credit for wearing it with a velvet headband.


Sun-In

This one's been around for awhile, but young girls in the 90s were especially prone to its wrath. It seemed like a good idea at the time: your mom wouldn't let you dye your hair, so why not just spray a few hazardous chemicals in and do it the natural way? Sounds harmless enough. Girls seeking sun-bleached locks turned to Sun-In only to have their blond ambition crushed by the appearance of a splotchy orange tone. You could always pick out the girls who'd experienced unfortunate Sun-In "incidents"--they were the ones with the glowing hair.


Goth/Punk

You'd think hair dye had was a recent innovation given the way it caught on in the 90s. There were two parent-shocking routes you could pick: a flat goth black (with matching inch-thick eyeliner) or a rainbow of colors usually only found in a Lucky Charms box. In middle school, I longed to dye my hair pink. I was certain that was my ticket to hair nivana. My parents only let me get the comb-in kind supplemented by generous wandings of hair mascara, but it just wasn't the same.


Butterfly Clips
For some reason in the 90s, we just couldn't leave well enough alone. We simply weren't ready to go out unless our hair was jam packed with, well, stuff. All sorts of strange hair gems and metal fittings popped up at Claire's and The Icing, but none were quite so ubiquitous as the colorful butterfly clip. The tactic with these usually involved a semi-circular face-framing configuration that ultimately required a virtuous level of patience. The key was to get just the right amount of hair twisted under each butterfly. The whole ordeal made you look like you coated your hair in honey and were attacked in a butterfly garden enclosure, but dammit, it was popular.


Bra-Strap Headbands


Why, oh why would anyone think it acceptable to wear a discarded part of lingerie on your head? We wouldn't show up to junior high with panties in our hair, so why were bra straps an acceptable hair ornament? These caught on in a big way for reasons we may never understand. We have the salon at Bumble and Bumble to blame for this trend catching on in a big way.


For the Guys:


Hi-Top Fade

There must have been a memo sent out one day informing black men everywhere that Jheri curl was out, geometric hair was in. How else to explain the sudden switcharoo? The look entailed shaving the sides of the head and leaving all of the volume up top. It was a style some people carried better than others. If you were a rapper, you could certainly pull it off, you could even throw in some shaved zig zags for good measure. My personal favorite variation was "the gumby" which gave your head the illusion of being shaped like our favorite claymation friend.


Caesar

When we run out of new hairstyles to premiere, apparently we go pretty far into the back-catalogues. In this case, all the way to ancient Rome, mimicking the style of Caesar himself. George Clooney on ER helped to pioneer the trend by looking dreamy even with the straight short horizontal fringe. It was also a good look for those who had thinning hair, because the pushed-down front helped mask that effect.


Rat Tail

This one always came off looking like a horrible mistake on the part of the hairdresser, which wasn't always a fair assessment. It was actually a horrible mistake on the part of the person sporting the look. Whoever thought it was a good idea to leave a single lock of long hair in the back of a closely cropped 'do has some serious explaining to do. In every school, there was that kid with the rat tail. It was something of a mystery. Had the boy requested it? Had the parents suggested this? Did they just watch too much professional wrestling? We may never know.


Mullet

Okay, this may be a pretty exaggerated example, but it is pretty awesome

In the 80s and 90s, a group of misguided beauty school dropouts joined forces to unleash the ultimate trashy haircut: the mullet. It had popped up a few decades before, but it didn't have bonafide widespread appeal until the 80s and early 90s. The idea was short ("business") in the front, long ("party!") in the back. This, of course, flattered no one. The mullet wasn't just for men, either: some ladies jumped in on the action as well. There are still some diehard mullet throwbacks out there. You can usually see them on the Maury show.


Grunge

Grunge, unfortunately, was just what it sounded like. Yes, we got some good music out of it, but as the name implied, it was dirty. Grungy hair was greasy, stringy long locks meant to convey your angst and apathy. Why do you think they wore so much flannel? It wasn't just an unwavering love of plaid, it was for its superior absorbency.


Bowl Cut

Also known as a Mushroom Cut, the bowl cut was very popular among young males in the 80s and 90s. It looked like the stylist had overturned a bowl on your head and shaved everything that stuck out underneath. Younger boys tended to wear them Beatles'/Moe from Three Stooges' style with a straight across cut, while teens often parted theirs into two distinct hair curtains.


Spikes

It seemed half the guys I knew transitioned straight from the bowl cut into the spikes. The style required a staggering amount of hair gel to pull off the gravity-defying height favored by boys and young men. The popularity of this look ebbs and flows, but it's certainly not dead: just catch an episode of MTV's Jersey Shore. It's not just a situation, it's the Situation.


Bleach/ "Tips"

Sometime around Eminem's rise to fame, guys everywhere thought it would be a good idea to knock off his signature style. Not everyone's cut out to be a blond, and it showed. The bright blond hair definitely stood out in a crowd, but probably not the way the bleacher had intended. If you weren't quite ready to commit to the full-on bleach job, you could also isolate the tips of your hair and give them a little boost. It was hideous, yes, but at least you could just chop off your unfortunately-hued spikes.


These may not have evolved into classic looks, but it was the hairstyle hand we were dealt. Not every era can be full of timeless style. It's tough to imagine future historians waxing poetic about our choice to wear bra straps on our heads, but dammit, we're standing behind it.