Beauty and the Beast

Disney's proven time and again that a tale as old as time is most attractive to children when stuffed with with stock anthropomorphic characters. Sure, we may like Cinderella or The Little Mermaid as stories, but to whom would we have turned for laughs save for Gus the mouse or Sebastian the crab? It's just not the same without musical numbers featuring animals or ordinarily inanimate objects singing and dancing their little hearts out. We may never have considered that a teacup could be adorably naive or a feather duster sexy, but Disney is always there to show us the way.

In the 90s Disney Animation Studios was at the peak of its renaissance period, churning out hit after hand-drawn hit on an annual basis. The films were of consistently high quality and offered much in the way of catchy music, stunning visuals, and much-needed kid-friendly comic relief. Kids and adults alike enjoyed these movies; adults for the quality and kids for the cuddly, easily merchandisable characters. It was an especially easy sell for young girls, banking on two magic words: Disney princesses. Put those girls in skimpy enough outfits (Jasmine, anyone?) and you'll have adolescent boys on board, too.

Compared to many other Disney animated features, Beauty and the Beast played it pretty safe in sticking with the original story. Beauty and the Beast is based on the French fairy tale La Belle et la Bete and follows the 18th century version fairly closely. Disney, though, has a charming way of Disney-fying everything in its path, meaning inserting the aforementioned anthropomorphic characters whenever deemed necessary. In the case of Beauty and the Beast, Disney dreams up a full menagerie of living decorative homegoods to entertain us, giving us a world filled with French-accented candelabras and wise, matronly teapots. They might not advance the plot any, but they are pretty damn cute.



Disney worked and reworked their version of the story many times, with the studio considering a Beauty and the Beast movie since its early days. Most critics agreed that it was indeed worth the wait; Beauty and the Beast remains one of the best-reviewed animated films of all time, not to mention the only one to be nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture. Their final product was a cinematic bouillabaisse of their various attempts at telling the story.

The movie opens on the Beast's backstory, depicting him as a cruel and selfish prince who is unkind to others. After he gives the boot to a sorceress in disguise as a beggar, she turns it back on him and turns him into some unholy cross between Chewbacca and a Minotaur. As a consolation, he gets a handy magic mirror (that serves little purpose other than to move the plot forward later in the movie) and a magic rose. The rose will die on his 21st birthday, leaving him a beast forever unless he can learn to love. That's kind of a downer, huh? Not exactly how I'd like to have spent my 21st birthday, if I remembered it. I'm pretty positive it didn't involve an eternal fate as a hideous monster, though.

We jump to Belle and her nutty inventor father, Maurice, an oddball family living in the French countryside. Belle is extraordinarily beautiful, loves to read, and has a sophisticated vocabulary that includes words like "provincial". The town's resident beefcake Gaston seeks her affection based on her looks, overlooking what the rest of the town perceives to be her strangeness. Belle, though, just isn't having it. As romantic as it sounds to have your home decorated in early big game hunting, I think I'd pass too.



Belle's father, Maurice, is on his way to some wacky inventors' fair when he takes a wrong turn and ends up at the Beast's secluded castle. I'm not sure if any of you ever saw the Disney on Ice version, but those bats he encounters in the woods were downright scarring. Clearly, I'm still not over it. Anyway, Maurice is pretty taken by the talking household objects, who are really the prince's faithful servants under the same curse. The Beast isn't going for the whole generous hospitality thing and locks Maurice in a cell. He agrees to trade his new prisoner for his daughter when the ever-goodly Belle offers to take his place.

The Beast tries to be hospitable, but it's obviously not really his thing. Belle denies his dinner invitation, so he tells his decorative servants not to feed her. In what may be the greatest act of defiance ever performed by a candelabra, smooth-talking Lumiere pulls out all the stops for her. He even throws in this incredibly entertaining song-and-dance routine:



Fast forward a little and we're at Belle's near-escape. She and her horse encounter some vicious wolves, the Beast steps in, Belle nurses him back to health. One thing leads to another and the two are friends. He gives her a library, you know, like you do to express your friendship. I suppose we should give him a break, he's a furry horn-sporting shut-in, it was a kind gesture. They have a little on-site date where she wears an enviable gold gown, the Beast tries his best to be gentlemanly, and Mrs. Potts provides the song:



Remember that magic mirror that served to set up a later plot point? Well here it is. Belle looks in the magic mirror and sees her father dying and insists she must rush to his side. The beast lets her go, despite the fact that his rose is nearly withered. Needless to say, his servants are pretty pissed. Sure, it was nice to let her go, but would you want to be an armoire forever?

No one back in town is buying Maurice's seemingly tall tale about a mysterious beast, so Belle proves it with the mirror. Gaston rounds up an angry, torch-wielding mob and goes after our now-gentle giant. Gaston calls for the townspeople to hunt and kill the beast, and they all seem to be pretty on board with it:



The Beast has no will to fight back, but he spots Belle and finds it within himself to shove Gaston off a cliff. Unfortunately, Gaston managed to stab the Beast before his demise. Beast is fading fast, till Belle utters, "I love you". Presto-Change-o, the Beast is a handsome prince, and we get to see all of our servant friends back in human form. Remarkably, they all look pretty much exactly the same. Who would've thought?

In true Disney fashion, it's a happy ending for all, at least until they can milk the franchise for more profits on a direct-to-video sequel. Lucky for all of you, I never saw those sequels (actually, midquels) and thus will not be subjecting you to a lengthy and snarky synopsis.. Instead, we can just let the story ends where it ends here: happily. The good guys prevail, the bad guy dies a retributive death, and the other sort-of-bad-guy with a secret heart of gold is reformed. The only question left to ponder is why Lumiere is the only guy with a French accent if this whole thing is taking place in France. Any takers on that one?

On This MLK Day, We Revisit Some 90s Songs that Speak to Issues of Racial Inequality...

I deliberated for a sizable chunk of time about what constituted an appropriate topic for Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Sure, these heart-palpitating deliberations were conducted while watching the Golden Globes, but it was a grueling process nonetheless. Thanks to plenty of breaks for rest, Powerade, and protein bars, I was able to make it through. I appreciate your concern, though.

As you know, we love to have a good time here at Children of the 90s, but there are certain topics that probably transcend sarcasm in good taste. That brings us back to the original question: what's the proper etiquette here? As a pop culture blog that covers such groundbreaking issues as Mall Madness and Where's Waldo? books, it can be tough to make that leap to any sort of politically-minded commentary. The Children of the 90s sense of satire tends to lean more toward retired snack food than underlying divisive societal issues. Then again, based on some of the debates we've had going here in the comment section about the merits or shortcomings of Ring Pops, some topics may be more divisive than I'd initially imagined.

So while I could have pulled a moderately-proportioned cop-out move on you and just posted Michael Jackson's "Black or White" video (which I like, for the record), I decided to pull an even bigger one and post a whole bunch of 90s popular songs that reside in a similar genre. Like I said, we've had a lot of laughs here, but that doesn't mean we can't try our hand at tackling some of the big issues occasionally. Some might argue that listening to a couple of popular songs about racial inequality may not add up to "tackling" but to those critics I say, hey. Cut me a little slack here. We're still allowed to have a little fun. There's no rule that dabbling in the issues has to come at the expense of lighthearted fun. Well, actually, there might be, but we're just going to disregard that for the time being.

Black or White (Michael Jackson)

Watch Michael Jackson - Black Or White in Music | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

Let me say right off the bat that I'm a huge Michael Jackson fan. Say what you will about the late performer's personal life, but he made more than his share of contributions to the world of pop music. Before its release, "Black or White" was described by Jackson's label as a "rock n' roll song about racial harmony," and the song delivered on that promise. Admittedly, this video isn't for everyone; it's undeniably a bit hokey, but it's over-the-top in a way consistent with Michael Jackson's style. Macaulay Culkin plays a kid who wants to blast his music, much to the chagrin of his grumpy dad played by George Wendt. George is transported to Africa, where we witness a cross-cultural celebration of dance.

The video is best known for the morphing sequence that takes place toward the end of the video, with faces gradually transitioning from one person to another. As a kid, I was pretty sure this was the coolest thing I'd ever seen, though I did have a brief fear that one day I'd look in the mirror to see my face transition through a rainbow of races.

The song isn't revolutionary in its lyrics; it's pretty general and straightforward, but it certainly makes its point. The rap part in the middle is the meatiest, lamenting "turf war on a global scale" and proclaiming "I'm not going to spend my life being a color." "Black or White" must have spoken to the general public, as the song quickly shot to number 1 on the Billboard charts.


Changes (2Pac)


Released posthumously, "Changes" was a compilation of a number of Tupac's raps. "Changes" samples Bruce Hornsby and the Range's 1986 song "The Way It Is" and expounds on many of its themes, albeit with more profanity. The song is starkly honest about many of the issues facing blacks in America, touching on many of the inherent racial inequalities in American society. The lyrics sugarcoat nothing, and give a pretty bleak outlook on the prospects of racial equality. There are some upbeat elements, though, namely the eponymous "changes" Tupac suggests we make to our lives.

On a more upbeat note of progress, it seems time has defied some of the charges in the song. "Changes" declares "We're not ready to see a black president," which suggests that maybe we've made some headway since "Changes" hit the airwaves in 1998. In late 2009, the song was in the spotlight again for its curious placement on the Vatican's official MySpace playlist. Apparently they deem "Changes" to be on par with Mozart, which is a promising sign for acceptance.


F tha Police (NWA)


Don't be fooled by the tongue-in-cheekiness of the song's title; this one really gets to the heart of the issue. The song had its share of big names in the rising rap scene, produced by Dr. Dre and featuring Ice Cube. "F*** tha Police" sets the scene in a courtroom with rappers offering inflammatory testimonials to the unequal and sometimes brutal treatment of blacks by police officers. It's incredibly volatile, even suggesting violent retaliation against the police, but it also brings to light some issues of racial profiling in law enforcement. While the song predates the Rodney King beating and subsequent LA race riots by a few years, it certainly exemplifies the high levels of tension between police and minorities.


Free Your Mind (En Vogue)


"Free Your Mind" debuted amid the race riots stemming from the Rodney King brutality incident. As the issue of racial inequities in America were coming to a head, the female R&B group released this song to highlight some of the prejudice and systemic issues. The song's lyrics aren't quite as gritty of some of the other songs on this list, but they still touched on


While this post might be a bit too flimsy to pay deserved tribute to Dr. King and the civil rights movement, the songs all highlight issues that continue to plague us. While we've arguably made some progress, there is--as the cliche so aptly tells--a lot of work to be done, not only regarding racial inequality but also all of the other inequities in our society. Until we can reach that point, though, we might just have to settle for uniting in our common love of nostalgia. If we can all enjoy reminiscing about the 90s, can't we all just get along? It seems like a logical leap.

Speaking of socially relevant issues, now seems as good a time as ever to mention the recent Haitian earthquake. Like Cher says in Clueless:

"So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty."

We can't always just leave it to the government, so if we could all take a little time to get to our figurative financial kitchens and rearrange some things we could certainly help out the Haitians. I know I possibly just stretched that connection a bit too far, but please consider donating to any legitimate charitable organization. If you need it, this site offers a lot in the way of helpful advice on where to direct your monetary donations.

As long as we're going to take some time to examine some problems here at home, we can definitely spare some to address those facing the international community. If you don't believe me that there's an international community, just watch that above Michael Jackson video one more time. If we can't collaborate on some sort of full-scale international dance number, the least we can do is try our best to reach out to others.

Children of the 90s One-Hit Wonder Mash-Up: 1997 Edition

1997 seems to have been an especially ripe year for love-'em-and-leave-'em treatment of popular music. A new singer or group would burst onto the scene and we'd all be captivated by their debut single, only to be let down in the coming months by a decided lack of chart-toppers from our new favorites. Don't get me wrong--some of these bands went on to make (and in some cases, even sell) more records, but for the most part, their love affair with the general public turned out to be nothing but a tawdry fling.

Whatever the reason, these songs all shot to astronomical heights before relegating their sources to obscurity. For a brief moment in time each of these groups seemed poised to be The Next Big Thing, though somehow they never ascended to that next level. While this group of one-hit wonder makers may not have grown into legendary artists, they at least have a consolatory space reserved in our respective memories. For those of you who have been reading along for awhile, you can safely anticipate that at the very least, some of these are bound to turn up on one of my humiliating suggested playlists. These artists may not have had industry staying power, but their songs will likely forever live on muzakified in grocery store aisles everywhere.

Lovefool (The Cardigans)


This song had the luck of being featured in Baz Luhrmann's updated film version of Romeo and Juliet, thus guaranteeing the song some love from teenagers everywhere. You'd be hard-pressed to find a teenage girl from the 90s who doesn't hear this song and automatically summon an image of Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio locking eyes across a fish tank. It's more romantic than it sounds, take my word for it. On its own merits, "Lovefool" is almost painfully catchy in a bubblegum-pop sort of way. I suppose that could qualify as merit or demerit, depending on your take on 90s Europop.

Ooh Aah Just a Little Bit (Gina G)


Speaking of Europop, Gina G's "Ooh Aah Just a Little Bit" definitely fit the bill. It also deserves some sort of award for the longest nonsensical song title. It has a beat and you can dance to it, though, so I'm willing to overlook it.


How Bizarre (OMC)



New Zealand band OMC's "How Bizarre" quickly became a hit worldwide, though I still don't get it. If anyone understands the meaning behind this song, please feel free to drop some wisdom in the comment box. I get that the gist of it is the guys cruising in their Chevy '69, but this part kind of throws me:

Elephants and acrobats,
Lions snakes monkey
Pele speaks righteous
Sister Zina says funky

Anyone?


This is Your Night (Amber)


"This is Your Night" is not a great song, but it is a great dance song. It's hard to listen to it without at least tapping your foot a bit. And I dare you to restrain yourself from singing along with those "Da ba ba da ba da dip doppin days". It's impossible.


All for You (Sister Hazel)


I spent about 10 years of my life thinking this song was recorded by Hootie and the Blowfish, so imagine my surprise to find that it was recorded by...these other guys. Sister Hazel. It's not a bad song, though I probably wouldn't call it a good song. It capitalizes on the mind-entrapping powers of repetition and pounds that chorus into your head. I miraculously still know all the lyrics, and I never even liked the song that much in the first place. Now that's staying power.

Da' Dip (Freak Nasty)


The lyrics on this one are a bit fuzzy at best. I always heard something along the lines of, "I put my hand upon your hip and I dip, you dip, we dip........yours......mine..............." I know a quick internet search could easily fill in those ellipses with lyrics, but I'm a bit afraid to find out just what we were dancing to at Bar Mitzvah parties and middle school dances. The fact that the singer goes by "Freak Nasty" doesn't bode especially well.


Let Me Clear My Throat (DJ Kool)


That intro just gets you. It's hard not to like this song, it has an upbeat feel to it and the lyrics seem pretty innocent; it's mainly just a rap about rapping. It also taught me the expression "stop on a dime", which was pretty helpful. Plus, they cheered to it in Bring It On. How can you not like a song with those credentials?

Sunny Came Home (Shawn Colvin)


"Sunny Came Home" definitely takes our list to the melancholy and depressing. The song details the life of a repressed housewife who ends up burning down her house. Sounds fun, right? As a kid, I loved to sing along, though it did make me question whether I believed in transcendence. At the time (middle school) I was torn on the issue.


Return of the Mack (Mark Morrison)


Mark Morrison deserves some props for recording a song with almost no content whatsoever. Most of the lyrics are just filler, like "here it is" or "come on". It is catchy, though, and appropriately found its way onto my college drinking playlists. What I can I say? We're suckers for nostalgia. Jury's still out on what a "Mack" is, though.


Butterfly Kisses (Bob Carlisle)


A country music song about the love between fathers and daughters. Don't worry, it's not that country, it's all innocent. It's also incredibly, intensely cheesy.


The Freshman (Verve Pipe)


Even as a kid, you just knew this was a sad song regardless of whether you really understood the lyrics. Like Ben Folds Five's "Brick", the song was about abortion, though I certainly didn't know it at the time. I also frequently got most of the lyrics wrong. The lead singer is kind of a mumbler.

Bitch (Meredith Brooks)


It's definitely a gamble to make the title of your song mild profanity. But, like she says in the song, she's a bitch. What does she care? Screw the censoring public. Swear words for everyone!


Tubthumping (Chumbawumba)


Thought we'd end on a high note here. Tempo speaking, of course. In the history of music, words like "Chumbawumba" and "Tubthumping" generally denote a dark time.


That's all I've got for you this week, Children of the 90s. Join us next week when we discuss...some as of yet undetermined subjects. But really, they'll be good. Have a good weekend, 90s children, and feel free to throw some of these songs on your iPod playlist--they're the hearty dose of music nostalgia your ears so desperately crave.