80s and 90s Celebrity Endorsements

What impels us to buy something? Is it the quality of the item? The masterful craftsmanship? Maybe our deep sense of brand loyalty? Or, possibly, is it just because we saw someone famous using the product? They're cool and they use it, so my exceptional powers of deductive reasoning would lead me to believe that I too have the potential for coolness if only I would shell out the $19.99 plus shipping and handling for this incredibly handy and definitely not useless item.

The 90s would have most of us believing our reason to buy stems from the latter. Celebrity endorsements were everywhere, with actors, musicians, sports stars, and television personalities picking up side gigs hawking for every imaginable product. We couldn't turn on the TV or flip open a magazine without seeing our favorite stars' testimonials to some product or other that they were certain we had to have. Granted, our voyeurism had not yet reached Perez Hilton 24hour celebrity watchdog level, so it's possible these stars didn't have quite the level of influence and sway over us. That sounds suspiciously like a defensive excuse, though, from someone who bought a piece of junk because a celebrity told her to. Hey, I'm not saying it was me, but...okay, it was me. I'm still kicking myself for drinking milk just because those Got Milk? ads drew me in their catchy celebrity mustachioed photos with accompanying blurbs. I knew I should have listened to Fred Savage and had a Pepsi instead.

This strategy, like any marketing style, has its pitfalls. Recently we've seen companies pull the plug on celebrity spokespeople following some form of public relations debacle, such as in the cases of Kate Moss's cocaine allegations and Tiger Wood's insatiable appetite for questionable women. Having a celebrity as your spokesperson can undoubtedly lend some credibility and clout to your product, but there's no guarantee your chosen celebrity will conduct himself in a manner aligned with your company's public image.

The list below is by no means exhaustive; countless celebrities signed on to promotional deals during the decade. It does highlight some of the more interesting backstories, though:


George Foreman Grill


Reclaiming the heavyweight championship at the overripe age of 45 is pretty impressive, but that feat has since been nearly eclipsed by George Foreman's later success as a fat-busting grilling entrepreneur. Even though most of us knew Foreman as a tough guy boxer, he seemed almost cuddly in these commercial spots. It's tough to say exactly what impelled all of us to purchase these allegedly diet-supporting device from a man whose career was dependent on his maintenance of a heavy weight, but it was pretty fun to watch all of that fat drain off of our burgers.


Kathy Lee Gifford for Wal-Mart


When your PR firm tries to foresee potential damage control situations for a celebrity-endorsed product, it's unlikely they'd come up with something quite as damaging as this one. Kathy Lee Gifford, then famous for her co-hosting gig on Regis and Kathy Lee, teamed up with Wal-Mart in the mid-90s to produce a clothing line. The line seemed to be a mutually beneficial deal until evidence surfaced that the Kathy Lee clothing was being produced at a Honduras sweatshop by young teenage girls. Even worse, the girls received around 31 cents an hour for up to 75 hours of weekly work. When the news broke, it was nothing short of a devastating scandal for both parties.


Paula Abdul for LA Gear

I have to say, these commercials were pretty convincing. Celebrities have endorsed flashy products for years, but perhaps never so literally as the LA Lights sneakers. As Paula says in the commercial, "Nobody tells me what to wear." This probably could have used an amendment like "...except the good people at LA Gear, who are telling me to wear these shoes in exchange for financial gain."


Michael Jordan for Nike

This one is pretty much a no-brainer: find the most successful and talented sports player of your time, and get him to shill for your sports-themed product. Even the least prestigious products can afford a sellout like, say, Shaq, but it takes a special type of product to draw in a Michael Jordan. I loved watching him on the Bulls, but I admit that Space Jam sealed the deal for me. To this day whenever I'm in the market for Hanes tagless t-shirts, I reassure myself of the purchase with a heartfelt, "It's what Michael Jordan would want me to do."


Michael Jordan and Larry Bird for McDonalds

If you take nothing else away from this commercial, consider Jordan's example of bringing a Big Mac along to the gym. It's like smoking a cigarette while jogging. Sure, you're working out, but the second variable is bringing you right back down to health baseline. This was shown in two parts during the Superbowl, culminating in a basketball shooting contest with the ultimate prize: a Big Mac. I'm sure that these professional athletes gain no greater satisfaction from their sport than the thrill of earning their very own two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, on a sesame seed bun.


Madonna for Pepsi

You know you're in trouble when the Vatican is condemning your commercial. Madonna debuted her "Like a Prayer" single in a Pepsi ad, soon after releasing


Bill Cosby for Jello

Anyone who has ever attempted a Bill Cosby impression knows the most immediately recognizable elements to incorporate are invariably a vibrantly hued thick-knit sweater and a solid (gelatinous?) command of his classic Jell-O commercials. They're easily mockable, sure, but they are ultimately memorable, so it seems like the joke's on us: the advertising stuck.


Eric Clapton for Anhauser-Busch

If you want to split hairs, this ad series debuted in 1988, but it's just too juicy to leave off the list. Clapton appeared in the ads shilling for Micheloeb with a version of "After Midnight." Unfortunately for the people at Anhauser-Busch, by the time these ads came out Clapton had admitted himself to a rehab facility and admitted to struggling with alcoholism. Yikes. Not exactly the implied message you want attached to your product. "Drink our beer....until you need professional intervention to stop."


Countless Celebrities for Got Milk?


These print ads were hugely popular throughout the 90s and beyond, with innumerable celebrities signing on to be a part of the mustachioed fun. The list of celebrity endorsers would elongate this post to about four times its legal limit, but suffice it to say most celebrities felt confident and secure aligning themselves with the generally non-controversial dairy industry.


Alyssa Milano, Mr. T, Sarah Michelle Gellar, David Arquette, Michael Jordan, Ed O'Neill, and many, many more for various collect calling services

Services like 1-800-Collect and 10-10-220 (and other various random number combinations repeated daily to us via celebrity spokespeople) were everywhere in the 90s. With the widespread use of cell phones, these functions have slid into obscurity, but back in the 90s they were a legitimate necessity for some callers. To attract callers to use their respective services, companies enlisted the help of many, many different celebrities to urge us to dial their code so they could get paid already. I mean, so we could have cheaper long distance rates. Something like that.


Whether or not we like to admit it, the rich and famous have influence over our daily decisions. Their endorsement of a product or service may not convince us to buy it, but it certainly couldn't hurt. Unless, you know, it erupts in a huge public scandal like some of these did. In those cases, it probably hurt. I retract my previous statement.

90s Tearjerker Movies

Sometimes, we all just need a good cry. Watching a great tearjerker is a bittersweet experience: the emotional release can be enjoyable, but the sadness lingers. I'm still not totally over the whole Bambi's-mom-getting-knocked-off-by-a-hunter thing. It haunts me still.

It's a testament to the quality and effectiveness of a movie when it has the power to make you reach for the Kleenex. Bonus points if it warrants a whole box. When a movie moves you to tears, it allows you to really let it all out. Plus, it's totally embarrassing if there are other people around. Some tips? I recommend pretending you have a bad cold or a loose contact lens. Practically foolproof.

Defining a solid tearjerker is tenuous territory. Plenty of movies have the power to move us, but only some give you that satisfying release of a much-needed cry. Some might be heavy contenders for tears on the basis of subject matter alone--for example, a well-executed war movies. This list, however, focuses more on the non-violent genre. Or, dare I say it, girlier movies. Okay, fine, chick flicks. But I threw in a few neutral picks as well, so, you know. You're welcome.

You're more than welcome to add your own favorite cry-a-minute picks to the list in the comment section. It can serve as a reliable reference for when the next cryfest urge hits. So, whether you consider yourself to be an emotional lightweight or possess tear ducts of unmovable steel, here are some movies likely to make you bawl like a little girl...whether or not you ever were one:



Titanic


If you're watching Titanic at will, you can't say they didn't warn you; it's a pretty sure bet you know just what you're getting yourself into. On the off chance you don't, spoiler alert: the boat sinks. Rose swears to Jack that she'll never let go, but then he freezes to death and she lets go. Not much for follow through, don't you think? Joking aside, it still gets me every time. I'm only partially embarrassed to admit I usually keep a fully stocked Kleenex supply on hand if the Titanic mood ever strikes.


Ghost


You've got to miss Patrick Swayze when you consider the tearjerking reflex of Ghost. The movie examines a murdered man's posthumous observation of his former lover in mourning. Ghost has some interesting ideas about what happens to our loved ones when they die, striking a tearful chord with any movie-watchers who have ever lost someone close to them. Throw in that much-satirized pottery wheel scene and you've got yourself a surefire cry session.


Selena



As a kid I could watch this one over and over again, though I think I may have been more interested in Selena's spangly stage outfits than her eventual demise at the hands of her fan club president. It's an interesting story, even more so because it's a ripped from the headlines account of a likable teenage girl poised on the brink of potential stardom. Jennifer Lopez's portrayal of the Mexican-American singer is believable and sweet; you can't help but feel for her family, friends, and fans for her tragic murder. There's also some really catchy music as an added bonus, so it's sort of a twofer.


Steel Magnolias



Take one look at this cast and tell me this isn't the ultimate chick flick. It out-chicks the rest of the genre on cast alone. I mean, really. Dolly Parton, Julia Roberts, Shirley MacLaine, Sally Field...they've really got all chick flick hands on deck with this one. Based on the play of the same name, Steel magnolias explores the relationships between a group of close-knit Southern women as they encounter various obstacles in their lives. The movie throws around a lot of funny one-liners toward the beginning, so the whole tragedy/death thing sort of sneaks up on you. Let me tell you though, it's a doozy,


What's Eating Gilbert Grape?



Gilbert (Johnny Depp) lives his small town life with his a 500-pound widowed mother, a developmentally disabled younger brother (Leonardo DiCaprio), and a married lover (Mary Steenburgen.) The movie has an offbeat oddball warmth and appeal, endearing us to this dysfunctional family. What's Eating Gilbert Grape isn't showy and high-minded. It shows us everyday life at its most basic and mundane, making it all the more affective. Bring on the tissues.


Stepmom


Here's a handy hint: if one of your movie's major characters is terminally ill, it's pretty darn likely that movie will try its hardest to elicit uncontrollable sobbing. Like Roberts' other film on this list, it starts out heavy on the humor and then gets us when we've let down our defenses and are at our most movie-watching vulnerable. I remember the previews for this movies hinted nothing about anyone dying a slow and painful death, so many of us were stuck wiping our eyes on our sleeves and popcorn wrappers. I was totally unprepared for this one.


My Girl



Vada (Anna Chlumsky) is an eleven year old hypochondriac whose widower father is in the disconcerting funeral parlor biz. The movie follows Vada through her everyday trials on her path to adolescence, detailing her crushes, friendships, and social tribulations. Her best friend, Thomas J (Macaulay Culkin) is deathly allergic to bee stings, so surprise surprise, he gets stung. That's when the floodgates really opened for me. That scene in the woods is pretty brutal. The movie has no shortage of heart, so at least the ending


The Piano


It takes a very well-conceived and well-executed movie to leave you uneasy and haunted after watching it, and The Piano pulls it off skillfully. The story is intriguing: a mute pianist with a daughter forced by her family into an arranged marriage. It explores emotions in an interesting way, and the result is a movie we are willing to invest in emotionally.


Edward Scissorhands



Who would've thought a movie about a man with shears for hands could be so touching? Johnny Depp is truly masterful as Edward Scissorhands in this quirky but ultimately moving movie from Tim Burton. The product of a mad inventor's experiment, Edward lives as an isolated outsider. Not only does this movie have the potential to make you cry, it also allows you to marvel over the fact that the villainous character is played by Anthony Michael Hall. The role is certainly a far cry from his brat pack days. It just goes to show, if you eventually beef up go through puberty, you may have a whole new world of evil-tinged roles at your fingertips.


Jerry Maguire


Finally, a movie a guy can feel comfortable sobbing uncontrollably at. It's okay: it's about sports! The bulk of the movie is an earnest depiction of Jerry's quest for happiness on a career path paved by ruthless success. Throw in Renee Zellweger, though, and you've got yourself a serious cry fest. She pretty much had us at hello.


Philadelphia


At a time when AIDS was still largely off-limits subject matter for popular entertainment, Philadelphia delivers a story about AIDS that is both moving and respectful. Tom Hanks plays Andrew Beckett, a gay lawyer in Philadelphia who has not come out to his coworkers. As he begins to show signs of illness, he suspects he has been framed by his firm to give reasonable cause to firing him. Hanks' performance is a testament to the power of an actor to make us feel for his plight and symp0athize with his situation. At a time when AIDS was largely a taboo subject, Philadelphia gave us a realistic and human look at its impact.


Free Willy



This movie forever changed my ability to visit Sea World. It's not that I can't, because let's be honest here, I have; it's more that it leaves me with a sort of undefinable sadness. Not so much at the whole entrapped and forced to do tricks thing, but more that I'll never have an orca of my own to dramatically jump over me at just the right moment. I've been waiting patiently, but the moment has yet to present itself.


It takes a special sort of movie to bring forth such strong emotions, but if you're in the mood for a good cry any of the above movies should more than fit the bill. They are not all fine works of high-concept cinema, but they will definitely do the trick. Just don't forget the Kleenex multi-pack: you're going to need it.

Children of the 90s is Still on Vacation...In the Meantime, Please Enjoy this Classic Post on Super Soakers

Children of the 90s is on vacation...please excuse this interruption from your regularly scheduled nostalgia programming. In the meantime, please enjoy this classic Children of the 90s post from way back when in the blog's early days. Not many people were reading, so you might be seeing it for the first time. How exciting is that? It's like a new post all over again. Almost.

Without further ado, I present this classic post: Super Soakers



Kids today have it too easy. Forget the value of dedication and hard work that so defined our generation. Their need for instant gratification continuously pushes aside their pioneering spirit of industry and diligence.

That's right, I'm talking about water guns. In our day, we knew the meaning of painstaking commitment to getting the job done. There was none of this "press the trigger and water sprays" nonsense. We would pump those Super Soaker air-pressure chambers until our fingers blistered, but it would all be worth it to spray our friends standing fifty yards away.

Originally christened the "PowerDrencher", Super Soakers burst onto the scene at the tail end of the 1980s. Approaching the 90s, toy water gun producers had fallen upon hard times, garnering flack from all sides on their regrettably realistic renderings of actual weaponry:

(image of Larami Uzi via iSoaker.com)

With parents and lawmakers increasingly conscious of how violent toys and media impacted the impressionable youth of America, these troublingly accurate imposters were on the way out. Water guns needed a new, updated image to distance themselves from their connotations of violence and war. What they needed was a light-hearted, neon-colored remastered water gun prototype with a distinctly non-military name.

At the prime meeting of timing and technology, inventor Lonnie Johnson and toy-maker Larami teamed up to produce a new water gun that fully diverted from the warlike water weapons of the past:



Super Soakers had a distinctly different tone from preceding water guns, and the ad conveys the odd sense of whimsy associated with their product. Though the commercial prominently features the theme of revenge, we can only assume that stereotypical 90's rich girl Buffy really had it coming. Also, who could resist the throwback to the Blues Brothers in their execution of their masterminded pool party-ruining scheme? This is 90s advertising as its finest.

Revolutionary in design, Super Soakers required their wielders to pump pressurized air into a separate chamber on the water gun that would build up the power to shoot water at great distances. While updated models abandoned this arm-exhausting mechanism, a great deal of the fun was contingent on that re-arming period. You felt that you had really earned that shot. You worked hard for it, and the results were spetacular. Plus, there was that awesome water bottle chamber with super-accesible fillability.

Unfortunately, while Super Soakers of today may possess greater power and precision, their R&D department's insistence on churning out novel products have led them to...well, new lows. In an effort to keep this blog in the PG range, I am not going to comment on the following video. Rather, I leave it to you to deduce from it what you will. Let's just say it stirred up quite a bit of controversy among children's advocate groups for its...provacative implications. I'm going to leave it at that.




Check it out:
Super Soaker Evolutionary Family Tree
AV Club Spoof of Hasboro Oozinator Marketing Meeting