Friday, May 14, 2010

Children of the 90s' Top 10 Highly Recommended Daria Episodes


Don't forget to enter Children of the 90s $60 CSN Store Gift Certificate Giveaway! You have until next Friday to qualify for the prize, so put your entry in today!



In honor of this week's long-awaited Daria DVD release, Children of the 90s is counting down 10 favorite Daria episodes. While we're not licensed to officially prescribe you anything, we can highly recommend that you spend the requisite time emerged in fully focused Daria viewership. Really, you won't regret it. If nothing else, it will remind you of a time when MTV was so much more than just The Hills and World's Strictest Parents. Oh, the memories.

Daria fans have been calling for the release of all five seasons on DVDs for years, so it's with great pleasure that devoted Daria-heads embrace the 8-disc full series DVD release from MTV/Paramount. Truthfully, all of the episodes are worth watching; Daria gave us some the wittiest, cleverest, smartest humor ever seen on MTV to date. That's not exactly the top litmus test for intelligent, TV, of course; Date my Mom doesn't exactly register in the same tier.

Something must be right in the world. My digital cable's MTV on Demand is even offering the Daria! Musical as a free promotional feature. Verizon Fios must have known I needed some background inspiration on the big screen to write to. Oh, glorious day! The stars have aligned at last. For those of us with a penchant for sarcastic humor, we can now freely celebrate our 90s quipping idol without violating important copyright laws. Well, except for the clips I've posted here. To be fair, I didn't post them and I totally recommend you buy the series for your own collection.

When you do, here are ten of my favorites to check out. I'm obviously leaving out a horde of great material, so share your own favorites in the comments section. If you don't have any favorites, you've got a lot of make-up work to do. Let's get started:

The Invitation



Even in the second episode of the first season, the Daria writers were well on their way to establishing complex and well-fleshed out adolescent characters. They aptly captured the high school social hierarchy with a tongue-in-cheek commentary on its de facto caste system. Popular cheerleader Brittany invites outcast Daria to her weekend soiree, which Daria takes as a prime opportunity to humiliate social cliber younger sister Quinn. We also get a good look at Quinn's ubiquitous suitors, Jamie, Jeffie, and Joey, whom she tries to date simultaneously.


Quinn the Brain



As Daria muses, "Only Quinn could turn having brains into a fad." After Mr. O'Neill reads Quinn's "Academic Imprisonment" aloud in class and publishes it in the school paper, Quinn adopts a pseudo-intellectual persona whose main features are a black turtleneck and a beret. She also writes stellar poems like, "The greasy fry/it does not lie/the truth is written/on your thigh." Brilliant.


Monster



To fulfill their English class assignment of creating a short film, Daria and Jane settle on the perfect subject: Quinn. They set out to capture her vapidness and superficiality and capture some pretty solid material. Quinn tries to stage the whole thing to make herself look better, but when she asks Daria, "Don't you want to shoot me?" The only appropriate response is, "Yes. I want to shoot you." A guilt trip from mom Helen turns the whole project from an expose into a soft focus ode. Quinn emerges from the whole ordeal more popular than before, but we do get to see a softer side of Daria.


Ill



Daria's Trent-induced anxiety at a Mystik Spiral gig leads to a mysterious rash that lands in her the hospital. Between her mystery illness, an attractive young doctor, and Brittany's desperate attempts to cover up the fact that she too was at that gig incognito as an alternative chick, this episode is pure gold.


Arts n' Crass



Trust Daria and Jane to turn a benign district-wide arts contest into a social commentary on the skewed values of teen society. To fit the contest theme of "Student Life at the Dawn of the New Millennium," Jane draws a beautiful girl gazing into the mirror. Daria adds the wittily dark poem, "She knows she's a winner. She couldn't be thinner. Now she goes to the bathroom and vomits up dinner." Not exactly Pulitzer-worthy, but it does make a statement. The girls fight the school's censorship of their work and embark on an undercover mission to save their poster. Awesomeness ensues.


Daria!



What if the town blew away? It's a legitimate question. As Jane says, "Being a post-apocalyptic town will be cool. Other towns will be scared of us." Sounds like a pretty good deal.

This musical episode is chock full of earworms, so watch with caution. You'll be singing along all day, particularly with gems like "God God Dammit" and "They Must be Worried." You've been warned.


Speedtrapped


What can I say? I'm a sucker for the sappy stuff. I have a soft spots for episodes where Daria and Quinn work as a team. Daria finally gets her driver's license, but she doesn't have much of a chance to enjoy it; Jane and the guys from Mystik Spiral land in jail on traffic charges and need Daria to come bail them out. Quinn's not one to miss out on an adventure, sweeping Daria into her schemes. "Face it, Daria," she says. "You're already accessorizing." Daria asks, dumbfounded, "Do you mean I'm an accessory?" How can you not love the banter between these two? It's just so on.

The Lost Girls



This episode is just pure brilliant commentary on the skewed and underhanded tactics adults use to market alleged youth culture at young girls. Mr. O'Neill enters Daria's essay in a contest for teen magazine Val. Daria lands the prize in the "Win a Day with Val" contest, meaning a self-obsessed name-dropping celebrity hanger-on dressed ten years too young for her true age shadows Daria around at school for the day. In the ever-wise words of Val, things get "jiggy" and "edgy" pretty quickly. Whatever that means.


Write Where it Hurts



Like I said, I go for the sappy stuff. This episode is sharp and funny and places our favorite characters in unfamiliar literary situations as pawns in Daria's story writing attempts, but it also ultimately heartwarming. After many failed tries at writing something good, Daria settles for writing something honest, giving us a peek into the Morgendorfer's future. Daria's parents are astoundingly relaxed, Daria's a famous journalist with an intellectual husband, and Qunn is hilariously a homemaker and mother to several small children. It's touching and sweet, without too much schmaltz.


Boxing Daria



Possibly the darkest episode of the series, "Boxing Daria" gets to the heart of some of Daria's more serious emotional issues. It's the last regular episode of the series before the final TV movie Is it College Yet? In "Boxing Daria," Daria is forced to come to terms with her different-ness and social isolation, recalling a fight her parents had when she was young that culminated in her hiding in a giant refrigerator box to avoid dealing with the situation. The reappearance of a large box in her house coupled with her anxiety about her impending graduation unleashes a Pandora's Box of emotions, culminating in one of the most honest and heartbreaking series conclusions.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Children of the 90s CSN Stores $60 Gift Certificate Giveaway!


CSN Stores recently approached me about giving away a $60 gift certificate to one of my loyal readers (that's you! Or, alternatively--that could be you! Start reading! Loyally!) Anyway, I jumped at the opportunity to offer you some great free stuff. With all the hard work you do reading about the 90s day after day, week after week, you deserve a little something something special. CSN has a great selection of housewares, kitchen accessories, and furniture, so you've got loads of fun stuff to pick from. My favorites are the sectional sofas--this $60 gift certificate might not cover a whole sofa (no upholstery pun intended), but it's a pretty good start.

CSN has all sorts of other cool items, many of which come with free shipping. Their ToysandGamesOnline.com site is amazing. A little browsing taught me CSN sites have some totally awesome 90s throwback toys and games like:

Slip n' Slide
: (Triple Racer! Triple!)

This turtle sandbox I used to play in for hours:


The much-coveted Power Wheels ride-ons:



You can even get The 90s Game:

The 90s Game! With this generous gift and CSN's reasonable prices, you could afford a couple, so feel free to buy one for yourself and send your favorite nostalgia blogger one, too. You know, whoever she is. I'm sure she's pretty cool.

Lucky for all of you, it's incredibly easy to enter this fabulous giveaway. Here are the entry rules:

Entry 1:
Be a Facebook fan. Actually, a Facebook "liker." They keep changing that stuff around. Just click that little thumbs up on the top(ish) right.

Entry 2:
Be a Blogger Follower. Scroll up, to your right. There you go.

Entry 3:
Be a Twitter Follower. Link's also on the sidebar. In case you can't find it, it's a bird. Holding a Twitter sign. You know what, it's pretty obvious, I think you can find it without my help. If not, you don't deserve Entry #3.

Entry 4:
Blog or Tweet about the giveaway with a link back to this post. It wouldn't hurt to mention how much you love Children of the 90s. You know, just for some good karma to inspire that random number generator to choose you as the winner. I hear that helps.

Let me know in the comments section how many and which entries you qualify for. I can't go chasing down all of your internet affiliations, so you've just got to let me know. Even better, feel free to check out the CSN Stores' sites and let us all know what you would buy. That way we can all be jealous when you get it. If you don't have Facebook, Blogger, Twitter, or a blog of your own, don't worry, you can still enter--just let me know in the comments and you'll qualify for an entry. If I find out you are harboring a secret Facebook account or blog, though, you're totally busted. We investigate that stuff. Don't mess with us.

Okay, fine print: Winner will be chosen next Friday using a random number generator. If you're our lucky winner, I will send you your very own CSN gift certificate code good for $60 on their sites. It doesn't include shipping costs, but many items include free shipping. It's a one-time use gift certificate, so don't get all greedy trying to parcel it out over several weeks with a bunch of tiny hand-towel and barbecue tong purchases. In the ever-wise words of Blanche from the Golden Girls, "This is found money. This is fun money." I'm going to leave off the rest of the quote because it gets a little PG-13 after that, but suffice it to say, this $60 is yours for the free, fun spending. Go nuts.

Oh, and the giveaway is only open to US and Canadian readers--sorry, international readers! We love you, but CSN just can't ship to you. I knew you'd understand. I'd send my condolences, but unfortunately we can't mail them that far.

A winner will be announced right here on Children of the 90s next Friday (May 21) so be sure to come back and take a look. If your comment is not linked to a Blogger profile or any other account, let me know here or on Facebook or Twitter how I can get in touch with you if you win. Good luck!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Fate of Disney Villains


It may seem counter-intuitive for an animation studio touting alleged moral messages and lessons learned, but Disney's animated films are pretty heavy on semi-violent karmic death. The lesson is far from nuanced; if you're a bad guy, you will undoubtedly fall to your painful but ultimately deserved death in a waterfall or from a jagged cliff. It's just the way it is. It may be a tough lesson for children--act out and you'll inevitably take a timely plunge off of a precariously unstable branch or railingless skyscraper--but it's an important one nonetheless. After all, without a terrifying threat of impending doom, what's to keep kids from acting out and going the ominous villain route? It's an airtight defense.

For the sake of simplicity and non-visible-from-a-distance blood splatters, a fall is by far the simplest means of eliminating a bad guy in the last ten minutes of a Disney animated film. The pain and suffering is implied without being explicit, though usually not administered in a particularly sadistic manner. In short, the punishment fits the crime while keeping in mind that a point-blank bullet to the face could probably be traumatizing to small children. This rule, of course, does not apply to the good guys, in which gun-induced trauma is not only acceptable but actually encouraged and played for tears. See Mom, Bambi's for more information and, probably, some uncontrollable sobbing.

In the cases of a semi-historical plot, it can be tougher to administer that climactic fall. While Disney movies are often pretty heavy on creative license in their adaptation of an existing story, there are existing premises in which a villain's fall to the death doesn't quite fit. Writers and animators may be forced to deliver a less crushing blow, such as Pocahontas' Ratcliffe's forced return to England to face high treason charges. It may not have the satisfying resonance of a villain's defeated wail growing progressively quieter as he crashes into the middle distance, but for some stories we may just have to settle.


Ursula



Crime against mermanity: Takes advantage of innocent young mermaid in revealing shell bra; barters voice for human legs.

To be fair:
She does offer a loophole to Ariel in the form of True Love's Kiss. What kind of softy villain offers an escape clause? Maybe she's not so bad after all.

Then again:
If Ariel fails, she'll be Ursula's slave forever. Plus she has to hang out with those freaky eels. Yikes.

Means of death:
Animated heartthrob and all around good-haired hero Eric runs over her with a ship.

Verdict:
It's a little more malicious than the standard "Oh, oops, she fell off a cliff" out, but it's satisfying nonetheless.


Jafar



Crimes against humanity: General deception, hypnotizes sultan, attempts to enslave whole of Arabian royalty.

Also: Owns irritating parrot. This may be the worst offense.

Means of death: Tricked by own greed and overconfidence into eternal imprisonment in the genie's lamp.

Verdict: Not quite a death, but a life sentence comes in as a near second in the Disney animated tropes for villain elimination.


Scar



Crimes against African wildlife population: Lies, betrayal, ruthless pursuit of throne, general disregard for Circle of Life.

Means of death: Falls on jagged cliffs. Okay, fine, that's not his death, it's a fakeout. Technically, falls on jagged cliffs and survives.

Add insult to injury: ...only to be eaten by his former allies the hyenas.

Verdict:
Totally brutal, and just a tiny bit sadistic. They couldn't have just killed him with the fall? No, no, he needed to doubly learn his lesson...and then be eaten alive by wild beasts. It's warranted.


Percival McLeach



Crimes against endangered species of the Australian Outback: Poaches rare eagles, cruelty and entrapment of animals, terrorizing of adorable mice.

Means of death: Narrowly escapes death by crocodiles; celebrates by falling into waterfall.

Verdict: Classic Disney villain demise. Clean, quick, and a little mean.


Gaston



Crimes against French provincial townspeople and/or potentially dangerous but ultimately kindhearted monsters: Incredible hubris, undue beast hunting, smelly socks.

Means of death:
After the Beast makes a legitimate attempt to spare Gaston's undeserving life, Gaston goes and stabs the big guy in the back. Literally.

And then:
...trips and epically falls into the night.

Verdict:
Totally justified. That's what you get for bringing a lynch mob to the castle of a mysteriously furry recluse. He really should have known better.


Shan Yu



Crimes against East Asian warrior culture:
Leads the bloodthirsty Huns into China.

Means of death: Gets totally distracted by firework strapped to comic relief dragon; explodes.

Verdict:
Not quite the fall we may have been hoping for, though we can assume he did eventually plummet to his redundant death after exploding. Whatever, we'll take consolation wherever we can find it.


Ratcliffe



Crimes against persecuted Native American population:
Greed for gold, exploits land, unreasonably distrust of natives.

Means of death:
None. Trapped by settlers and shipped off to England to be tried for high treason.

Verdict: Lame. John Smith gets shot and Ratcliffe gets off with some treason charges? Granted, Smith lives and Ratcliffe's charges are for high treason, but really. How's a five-year old supposed to understand the karmic value in that outcome? "Oh, it's cool. He was sent back to his native country to be tried in a court of law for crimes against the state." They would have done better falling off a cliff and/or into a waterfall. It's a far more resonant visual.

Frollo



Crimes against Notre Dame hunchback community:
Acts totally unjustly while serving as Minister of Justice. Go figure.

Means of death: Loses hold on stone gargoyle, plummets to death from atop Notre Dame cathedral.

Verdict:
As far as Disney villains go, Frollo is one of the downright slimiest. Here's a case where a more specifically violent visual may have been welcome.


Hades



Crimes against mythological Greek figures:
Though justifiably bitter about role as lord of the deceased in the underworld, Hades' quest to overthrow brother Zeus by knocking off Hercules is still pretty villainous.

Means of death:
Punched out by super strong Hercules, plummets into River Styx.

Also: Eaten by dead people's spirits.

Verdict: Awesome comeuppance with a real lesson: if you're gonna mess with Hercules, you're going to be smothered by the lingering souls of the dead. That's just the way it goes.


Clayton



Crimes against tree-swinging contingency of jungle-dwelling humanity: Gorilla hunter and guilty of all-around bad guy-ness.

Means of death: Falls out of tree, strangled by vine, hanged.

Verdict:
A little graphic, but overall pretty fair. You don't go after gorillas n' friends. They'll get you.

Digg This!