Outdoor Toys of the 80s and 90s

If you're a regular reader, it should be pretty clear your loyal 90s nostalgia chronicler has a serious case of summer fever. As we close in on Memorial Day weekend, the prospect of summertime fun is almost too much to bear. Granted, I don't have any water balloon fights or Jart tournaments scheduled, but the notion of sunshine and the great outdoors still elicits a childlike level of euphoria. For the record, my weekend is still open for Jart tournaments if you're interested in setting something up.

It's a safe bet to say we will never fully recapture that childhood school's-out-for-the-summer level of excitement; there is simply no adult equivalent to that level of anticipation. All the Moon Shoes in the world couldn't eliminate the grown-up stressors we face year round. Though, to be fair, I imagine it would help. Open reader plea: send Moon Shoes. That is all.

Though we may not be able to reignite the spark of summer vacation excitement, we can at least reminisce about some of the toys that made our summertimes so special. If you're lucky, maybe you still have some of these items lying around. Seriously, what I wouldn't do for a Skip-It right about now. Forget the gym membership--that little pink piece of plastic is way more motivating exercise.


Skip-It


Who could have foreseen that strapping a little plastic ball and chain to your ankle could provide hours of endless entertainment? That little progressive counter on the side tapped into the competitive child psyche, allowing us to compete against our friends and our own personal bests while playing quietly in the driveway. I imagine our parents were thrilled for the long-stretches of easily amused and generally exhausting play.


Rollerblades

Kids today may not believe it, but many of us were around for a time when rollerskates were still the gold standard in wheeled footwear. Inline skates were modeled after ice skates, intended for training use on dry land. Soon they were all the rage, a trend from which many of us learned the value of a deeply skinned knee. Regardless, rollerblades will forever be superior to today's alternative. Don't even get me started on those wheelie sneakers. Every time I see a kid rolling by me at the mall, I yearn to buy him a pair of rollerblades. They just don't know what they're missing.


Moon Shoes


The advertisements for Nickelodeon moon shoes were everywhere, though I never actually knew anybody that owned a pair. Had I been better connected on the playground, perhaps I could have experienced the wonder of spring walking firsthand. Alas, I will never know the gravity-reduced wonder of moonwalking. Until that whole colonization thing goes down. Or maybe if I become a great Michael Jackson-style dancer. Either way.


Super Soakers


One of the most effective ways to beat the summer heat is with a water fight, and we all know the key to winning a water fight lies in the proper arsenal of weaponry. Armed with our Super Soakers, we could outblast flimsy conventional water guns. In case you're not big on Super Soaker trivia, you may be interested to know they were originally branded as Power Drenchers. Or maybe you won't be. Who knows. Either way, the toy makers obviously got their hands on a thesaurus somewhere down the line.


Power Wheels


These much-coveted but oft-denied overpriced mini vehicles undoubtedly caused many temper tantrums over the years. We just couldn't understand why our parents wouldn't shell out the big bucks for one of these babies. If only I'd gotten the mock motorbike I wanted, I could be a bona fide Kawasaki ninja by now. At the very least, I'd hold a chance at being a proficient Barbie Jeep operator.


Nerf Balls
Finally, a company that recognizes kids throw things at one another and it can really, really hurt. Through the clever use of foam, the quantity of bruises per square inch decreased dramatically. Getting hit in the face just got that much more bearable. Thanks, Nerf!


Little Tykes Cozy Coupe


Here's a fact you might not know about your favorite child-sized vehicle: In the early 90s, it was reported that the Cozy Coupe had outsold both the Ford Taurus and Honda Accord, making it one of the bestselling cars of the time. It's certainly more economical than a Taurus or Accord, plus it gets way better gas mileage. The downside? Sore feet from all the Flintstone-style acceleration. You can't win 'em all.


Lawn Darts (Jarts)


Ah, finally a toy that combines the tranquil peacefulness of lawns with the terrifying risk of death by impalement. I'm not sure how or why these toys ever eked past the watchful eye of safety experts and parent groups, but somehow they made it into production and onto toy store shelves. It wasn't long before the US and Canada issued a ban on the sale of Lawn Darts and urged consumers to "discard or destroy them immediately." Yikes.


Slip n'Slide


Speaking of dangerous yard toys, here's a classic example of how innocent concepts can go very very wrong. I'll give you a hint when setting up your own slip n' slide: try your best to avoid cement or a downhill descent into a wall/sidewalk/pile of jagged rocks/any other bone breakin', tooth chippin' slide stopper. It sounds like common sense, but you may be surprised how many people failed to consider the consequences until their child was hobbling around in a cast or sling for the remainder of the summer.

Also, note to college students: It may seem like a good idea to combine a slip n' slide with alcohol. It is not. Believe me. Resist your instincts. Your limbs will thank me.

Sister, Sister

There's something endearingly familiar about oft-recycled story lines. If you've seen one separated-at-birth-identical-twins-reunited-by-random-circumstances story, you've seen them all. Suffice it to say if you're vaguely aware of The Parent Trap, you're more than well-versed in the gimmick behind Sister, Sister. It may not be the most original plot foundation, but the audience is usually so mesmerized by the appearance of two identical individuals that we overlook the hackneyed premise.

As in most identical twin-themed entertainment, Tia and Tamera are cast as polar opposites a la Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield. It seems writers are generally unaware that twins can have anything at all in common. If one is studious, the other has to be social. If one is a deep thinker, the other must be a bit superficial. It's simply the balance of the universe; audiences simply can not comprehend any twin trope outside the basic identical opposites scenario. There's a reason very few shows feature fraternal twins or identical twins with similar interests: they just don't provide enough zany situationally comedic material.

Sister, Sister premiered in 1994 on ABC, lasting a single season on the major network despite its relative popularity. Following its swift cancellation, it was picked up by frequent television show rehabilitator and scrap feeder The WB. The show remained popular in syndication long after its final cancellation in 1999, airing on The Disney Channel, UPN, and most inexplicably, the Gospel Music Channel. Thankfully, the GMC saw fit to edit subjectively suggestive and/or mildly offensive from their broadcast, omitting phrases like "Shut up." Praise the lord.

The pilot episode introduced us to Tia Landry and Tamera Campbell, two unassuming 14-year old girls living in socioeconomically disparate parts of the Detroit, Michigan area. The twins were both adopted at birth by a convenient-to-plot single parent, Tia with sassy mother Lisa and Tamera with uptight stickler father Ray. Tamera and Tia have a classic double-take chance encounter while shopping at a mall department store, and things quickly escalate into full-on Brady-style blending. It may seem remarkably premature for one adult stranger to consent to moving in with another into single house as one happy family without conducting a full-scale investigation of the other, but hey, it's TV. Just go with it.

Premise too confusing? Memory failing? Don't worry, here's the very detailed theme song complete with helpfully literal visual aids:



Following this set-up, much to-be-expected blended-family tension comedy ensues. Suburban-raised Tamera is boy-crazy and spontaneous, while inner city-bred Tia is bookish and intellectual. Unsurprisingly, their respective adoptive parents are not only very different from one another but also have traits more closely matching the other's child. Tia's mom Lisa is a wisecracking brassy seamstress with limited professional success, whereas Tamera's father Ray is an established entrepreneur with a thriving limousine company. I don't know about you, but I smell some zany misunderstandings a'brewin' in this household. Yes, a'brewin'. That's the technical accompanying terminology for zany misunderstandings in situation comedies.

It's worth noting that the Mowry twins had some pretty enviable 90s fashion. Check out the following clip from the premiere episode and try telling me your heart doesn't flutter faintly with desire at the sight of their distinctly 90s getups. Flannel pajamas? Crochet sleeves? Floral vest? Crewneck maroon sweatshirt with mock turtleneck underneath? It's enough to make me want to dig through my 90s childhood closet and pull on that very same denim Blossom-style hat. For the record, I also had it in velvet. Don't be jealous.



In typical twin fashion, many of the show's story arcs involved switcharoo schemes. Tamera begs Tia to take a test in her place. Tamera implores Tia to go on her date to save face on her devastating pimple. Tia and Tamera try to play both sisters and hold down four jobs between the two of them. Sister, Sister pulls out every sitcom standard in the book, from cheesy dream sequences to the requisite Hawaiian vacation. From time to time the show dips into Very Special territory, such as when Lisa suspects the girls are smoking cigarettes to a near-brush in with a potential online predator. Even with the occasional after-school special themes, the show maintained its sense of humor and resisted the temptation to go all Lifetime Movie on its viewers.

Sister, Sister also had a revolving door of minor characters, the most consistent being their irritating neighbor, Roger. Nerdy Roger had an unrelenting crush on both girls throughout the majority of the show's seasons, though he mysteriously disappears without mention after the fifth season. He appears only a handful of times in the sixth season, presumably because we got bored of his antics. Marque Houston, the actor who plays Roger, was a member of R&B singing group Immature (aka IMx), so from time to time he would grace us with a song:



Brittany Murphy and Bianca Lawson also have small recurring roles, as the girls' close friend and school nemesis respectively. Jeffersons' alum Sherman Helmsley shows up as "Soupy," Ray's flaky father. Of the recurring minor characters, I feel it necessary to give special recognition to Fred Willard as the bumbling high school vice principal. Really, Fred Willard is undistupably hilarious in every role. That guy's a comedic genius.

Over its six-year run, Sister, Sister also boasted an impressive and varied roster of guest stars. Kobe Bryant, Mya, Blackstreet, the Olsen Twins, and Kenan and Kel? Someone in casting was working hard. It's hard to imagine celebrities like RuPaul and Milton Berle being billed on the same project, but Sister, Sister made it happen.

Like most teen sitcoms, things got a bit shaky after the girls went off to college. A major prerequisite of a television teen comedy is its teenage stars, so as the Mowrys aged out of that demographic, the show gradually lost steam. There's an age threshold for when it's still cute to watch identical twins go on each other's dates; few viewers want to see grown women engaging in the same schemes they did as 14-year old girls. Regardless, Sister, Sister held it together for the most part without outwearing its welcome. Now, that it's out of syndication, however, there's a little Sister, Sister shaped void in our TV viewing lives. To paraphrase the eternally wise words of the show's theme, I never knew how much I'd miss ya.

Movie Montages

It's a prickly situation: you've brought your characters to a certain point, having effectively developed their hopes and dreams, but you aren't quite sure how to proceed in a time-efficient manner. Maybe you have to condense a year's worth of training into a three minute span. Perhaps you're looking to establish a motive for an otherwise inexplicably hardened criminal character. Or maybe, just maybe, a ragtag group of local kids just want to clean up the old rec center with a coat of fresh paint and a gloss of idealistic optimism. We can only hope.

Whatever the major plot hole, you can always enlist a dependable movie montage to plug these troublesome leaks. It's a sort of screenplay all-purpose grout to eliminate the cracks in between well-thought out plot points. We all know actual story development is tough--too tough, sometimes. Yes, we could probably have spent some time delving into the deeper issues and motivations at play, but montages do the trick in a pinch.

If you're looking to amp up your film's soundtrack, the montage is also a source of great musical inspiration. If you ever want anyone to listen to your movie's soundtrack while training for a marathon or somehow otherwise dreaming the impossible dream, it's imperative you back up your inspiring montage with an equally inspirational song. Imagine the Karate Kid montage without Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around" blaring in the background. Nothing, right? Now add the song. Ahhh. Perfection.

Still lost on when to insert a montage into your roughly edited film project? Here are some handy hints from our friends from Team America: World Police:



If you're still looking for clarification on how to insert a cop-out montage to illustrate a major point in your film, try your best to adapt your montage vision to one of the following categories:

Training



This is the most common montage, and with good reason: how else are you supposed to illustrate the ups and downs of a trying training period in a short period of time? Real time training footage would be brutal--watching people lift weights is, honestly, incredibly boring. Plus, I can do it at the gym for free. Even then, I'd prefer to have a pump-it-up song playing on my iPod. It just works.

The training montage has many recognizable hallmarks, such as general physical exercise, excessive sweating, and repeated near-miss attempts to achieve some seemingly unattainable martial arts move/dance step/boxing feat. This last device is supposed to leave us in suspense about whether or not our hero will reach this particularly challenging goal, but its presence in the montage is a sure sign they absolutely will.

As Seen In: The Karate Kid, Dirty Dancing, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, and of course, all of the Rocky Movies--they practically invented the inspirational training montage


Falling in Love



In real life, meeting your mate is rarely a linear process. In movies, however, we've got to keep things moving for the sake of our viewers' sanity. Instead of experiencing a series of ups and downs over a long period of time, some films conveniently repackage the lengthy process into a mere two or three minutes. It may not be entirely accurate, but it's can be significantly more palatable than watching the full drawn-out process post meet-cute.

As Seen In: The Lion King. Can you feel the love tonight? They could. Montage style.


It's All Good



Everything going well, but you don't know how to convey it to the audience? Don't worry, there's a montage out there for you. The "It's All Good" model was designed specifically to portray a general Era of Good Feelings in your story. It's pretty boring to just watch a successful business run its day-to-day operations, so why not invest in some cheesy cut-together footage of the whole gang high fiving at their victories? It sure beats watching them change the office thermostat and answer the phone.

As Seen In: Ghostbusters, subverted and played for laughs in The Naked Gun


Let's Build Something Together



This is a pure 80s montage trope, exuding cheesiness from its every frame. According to the background music, all it takes is "One Foot in Front of the Other" to call to arms your mismatched group of social outcasts. Apparently with enough editing, even the nerdiest among us can look like construction experts and painting pros.

The Revenge of the Nerds scene was mocked mercilessly in an episode of Family Guy where the guys try to fix a dilapidated bar. To be fair, Family guy mocks everything mercilessly and this montage totally deserved it. You can't put out something this cheesy without an openness to endless parody.


As Seen In: Revenge of the Nerds



Overcoming Obstacles/Achieving Once-Impossible Goals

I know, I know, it sounds suspiciously similar to the training montage, but bear with me here for a few moments as I take you on a journey through the magical world of meeting our potential by being our honest selves. Sounds boring, right? It is. that's exactly why we need a montage--to move things along at a watchable speed.

In some cases (see: Back to School, Legally Blonde, other school-heavy movies) a montage is really your only out. Studying in itself is not a suspenseful or exciting activity, so if can show a clock spinning past the hours that would really help move things along. There's only so long the audience will tolerate watching a main character read quietly to himself. Don't push it.

Not all examples are quite so low-key. In Teen Wolf, Scott believes in himself--basketball montage style--just enough to resist "wolfing out" during the big game. What's that? That made no sense? Don't worry, it doesn't help if you've seen the movie. That actually might just make it more confusing. Either way, Scott defies the standard werewolf-to-human degeneration of basketball prowess and wins the big game. Hooray!

As Seen In: Legally Blonde, Teen Wolf, Back to School