Friday, April 30, 2010

More Fun with Children of the 90s Search Terms

There have been so many hilarious search terms popping up in my Google Analytics tracking data, I felt it was only fair to spread the funny around and share them with you. After all, haven't you ever wondered what make other readers and/or random internet lurkers like yourself curious about the 90s? What's that? No? You'd rather just reminisce about the 90s? Just kidding, of course you do. Due to popular demand, we're having another brief interlude to examine just how confused some of us 90s fanatics really are.

In the case of many of these terms, it seems the asker is simply misguided or possibly suffers from incredibly vague childhood memories. Others, though, are far more troubling. For one, it makes me want to build a makeshift time machine with suicide doors, gun it to 88, and knock out the guy who came up with the bright idea of teaching Whole Language in lieu of grammar in elementary schools. Clearly, many of us are still suffering from the unfortunate ramifications; if the frightening structure of some of these searches are indicative of our grammatical prowess, I'm about to invest in widespread remedial training.

Granted, we all behave differently when we think no one is looking. We act differently in the comfort of our own homes than we do in the presence of others. After all, we'd be far less likely to blast the Tom Jones and break out the Carlton dance if company was present. Google has granted us with a precious gift of insight into these innermost thoughts of our fellow 90s fans, and just what kind of nostalgiaheads would we be if we didn't accept and delight in that gift?

I appeal to you, fellow 90s fans, for help in decoding these Google quests. Between the lot of us, we've got to be able to provide these poor lost souls with some answers. If we can't come up with anything, well, then there's always mocking.

19 ninety's nickelodeon game show
I just really like this interpretive spelling; I propose we issue extra credit for number breakdown creativity.

90's cartoon that has a strong man that when changes back to a kid, green goo release
I'll need your help with this one, I'm drawing a blank. Admittedly the description is lacking in...everything. Mostly proper tenses and pronouns.

3 boys, brothers. blonde hair, young musicians from the 90s, who were they
First of all, they were Hanson. Second of all, I feel like you're giving progressive clues on a game show. What do I win?

1993 music video with kids wearing bee

Really? Just wearing a bee? That's it?

90's hair styles what were we thinking
Good question. Unfortunately, my crystal ball is in the shop, so I'm unable to ascertain the specific collective spirit of our innermost thoughts and feelings. I'm guessing you could probably search deep within yourself and find the reasoning, if you just believe.

are you afraid of the dark janitor
Maybe it's just the political correctness in me, but I'm reading this as racist. For shame, anonymous googler.

children running away from foster care movies in 90s
What do you think, were there really that many of these in the decade? Enough to warrant their own genre? It seems a bit suspect. Unless maybe they mean children who ran away from movies about foster care. In that case, this might be very serious.

fruit snack in the 90's that are made of noodles like a fruit
They're probably talking about String Thing here, but there's something to be said for the creative license in that description. Made of noodles like a fruit? Not noodle-like fruit, that might make some semblance of sense, but just noodles like an actual fruit. The comparison is baffling.

describe the types of lifestyle children live in the 9o’s and in the currant year that promoted fatness
We could probably start with the currant, the fruit is very sugary. Other than that, we've got an "o" instead of a zero in 90s, some very confused grammar, and the word "fatness." That word is pretty awesome.

compilations of awesomeness 90s
Look no further--you're already here!

edward scissorhands is so sad
Good point. No, really, I appreciate you sharing. I'm glad we had this talk.

oh we have that baby-sitter died
I don't even know where to start with this one. What? I guess it could be some very confused variation of Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, but it's really all over the place.

kid show that has talking plains on nickelodeon
Oh, I always preferred the ones with the talking mesas. As far as slope landforms go, they're pretty much tops. You know, elevation-wise. At least compared to the plains. I think I'd better stop while I'm behind on this one.

90s song can i get your number the one with the seven digits
I know the song you're referring to, but I can't help but love this misheard interpretation of it. Oh, that one. I was going to give you one with the area code included and/or my European access code, but then I was like, hey, just the seven. Got it.

dont you hate it when your eating a dunkaroo and the biscuit breaks in the
In the what? The what? The suspense is killing me now. And for the record, I totally do.

how many kids in the 90's didn't have a dad
Um, total? Worldwide? Fictional? You've really got to be a little more specific. I'd like to help, but you're throwing a two centimeter lure into a 343,423,668,428,484,681,262 gallon ocean. Yes, I just had to google "gallons in the ocean," so someone will probably be making fun of me on their Google Analytics search term round-up sometime soon.

90's cartoon which superhero usually says lets get dangerous
I just like the phrasing on this one...usually. Did Darkwing Duck occasionally forget his lines or have flash of creative discretion? Maybe sometimes he just didn't feel like it.

That's not even the worst of it, but I used my discretion in censoring the really obscene and/or absolutely non-native English speaker-generated content. If any of you know these answers, please, throw these poor souls a line. It's the least we can do. Well, actually, we could probably not do anything, so it's the second least we can do. Regardless, they truly need your help.


Nic said...

Haha. I love this. Search terms are always amusing. People are so stupid.

Cee said...

wow I just started laughing out loud in my cube at work when I saw "are you afraid of the dark janitor"

Anonymous said...

"describe the types of lifestyle children live in the 9o’s and in the currant year that promoted fatness"

sounds suspiciously like an essay question for a middle school health class. Though I'm guessing the actual question did not include the terms "fatness, currant, and 9o's".

Shawn said...

I am definitely afraid of those pesky dark pretty damn funny! P.S your blog freakin rocks, I love reliving the 90's.

Anonymous said...

1993 music video with kids wearing bee?...

this is blind melons "no rain" video

Ren said...

I think the talking plane one might be 'Jay Jay the Jet Plane', of course I have been wrong before.

Love your blog by the way.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, this had me cracking up! So funny. I'm going to have to be a little more conscious about what I Google from now on. Generally, I only put down the most important words in my inquiry. Thank goodness I didn't show up on here! :)

Katie said...

Fabulous! I love all your posts, but this was a fun rabbit trail. Happy Friday!

Sadako said...

Me too, Cee. It makes me wonder, too, --did s/he mean the janitor from that swimming pool ep? or that caretaker guy, Old Man Corcoran? Or a different janitor? Hope it was old Man Corcoran myself. That episode totally mind fucked me and left me high dry and gasping for more twists.

KT said...

These google posts are my favorite of yours. They are seriously dangerous at work!!

Kristie said...

That bee video is "No Rain" but I thought that was 1994. This was a very interesting post!

Brian said...

"90's cartoon that has a strong man that when changes back to a kid, green goo release"

He's looking for the show called "Ultraforce". Prime is the name of the character he's referring to.

April's Flowers said...

*sigh* I love your blog.

Anonymous said...

"Are You Afraid of the Dark?" was a show about a group of kids who sat around a campfire and told each other scary stories. That poor person was probably just trying to find an episode involving a janitor in some capacity.

The Sports said...

I found my way here searching for "Nickelodeon Gak". Been browsing for a good half an hour now. Love the site, thanks.

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