Thank You!

From the bottom of my heart (as pictured in the I ♥ 90s logo), I want to thank Fidgeting Gidget and Wild ARS Chase for their respective extremely generous Blogger of the Month awards! You guys are awesome! If you haven't yet, all of you have to go check out these blogs--they are very different from one another, but they are both among my favorites to read on a regular basis. Thanks, Gidget and Andy!

Slip n' Slide

You'd think with a company name like Wham-O, Inc., people would know to take these products seriously. Slip n' Slides may have slid onto the scene in the 60s, but it was not until the 90s that we got to see some good old-fashioned ambulance-chasing legislative action. The 90s showed a distinct rise in the level of safety-consciousness on the part of overanxious parents desperate to helmet and pad their children to the most insulated degree. Contrary to popular 90s parent opinion, children had once lived in a world without safety features and generally lived to tell about it; those who did not were simply sucked up by the forces of social Darwinism. In the 90s, however, the tide began to turn.

Some would say we were fighting nature. We were protecting the weak. Defying the forces of nature that acted to weed out this type of risky irresponsible behavior.

Others would say that perhaps we never should have been sliding down an glorified sheet of cheap plastic lubricated with hose water into rocky backyard terrain in the first place.

Parents succumbed to children's begging for Slip n' Slides largely on a cost-efficient and effort-exertion level. You could either install a pool, pack up every possible necessary belonging and lug it to the faraway beach, drag your kids to the suspiciously grimy public pool...or you could just run the hose over a giant sheet of yellow plastic in the backyard. Which would you choose? The answer seemed pretty clear. Or at least clearer than the public pool.

Slip n' Slide.




I know there's a Wham-O! Hula Hoop ad on the end of this, but I couldn't help myself when I saw it. It's just so 90s.


The name doesn't leave much room for questioning. No, this was a straightforward product, through and through. It didn't seem necessary for it to come with a dictionary-size manual of directions and warnings. What would they possibly say?

Step one:
Remove Slip n' Slide from package and unroll unto level ground.

Step two:
Place running hose at edge of Slip n' Slide.

Step three:
Slip.

Step four:
Slide.

Wasn't that pretty much it? You slipped, you slid, you laughed in the face of the scorching hot sun's attempt to swelter you, and called it a day.
In reality, the problem was probably not so much with the product as with the parents. In a time where everyone was quick to assign blame to anybody but themselves, it was easy to call foul on a faulty product or unsafe design. However, there were many actions taken by lackadaisical parents that were more than likely the underlying culprits of these purported Slip n' Slide injuries. In case you were unaware, I am happy to share with you a few tips for care and use of your Wham-O Slip n' Slide:

1. Do not place in an area generally abounding with rocks and boulders. I don't even know if I'm supposed to share this type of highly classified information, but some scientists report that boulders can be damaging to heads upon forceful contact.

2. Do not place your Slip n' Slide on a steep hill. As much fun as if may be to go barreling headfirst at full speed down a miniature mountain, the plastic sheet has to end at some point. Then you're simply plunging headfirst into the ground, which I've also been told can be a tad on the painful side.

3. Enormous, oversized, supposedly responsible adults should not use a toy intended for children.

4. This especially goes for any time when these adults are intoxicated.

5. FYI, this includes fraternity parties.

6. And really, any kind of party.

7. Because honestly, this product is recommended for ages 5-12.

8. And while we're on the subject, why the hell are you using this as an adult?

9. Again, I'm not sure how much clearer I can make this.

10. But just to reiterate, really, a terrible idea.


In the 90s, the major lawsuit-prompted injury warnings were not based on injuries sustained by unsuspecting children. The injuries were generally caused by grown-ups attempting to join in on the fun, especially while highly intoxicated, and smashing their spinal column in a paralyzing manner. Teenagers and adults would slip and slide as the directions indicated, but failed to take into account that they were approximately two to three times the size of the recommended users. When coupled with the mere inertia garnered from their notably heavier weights, this was certainly a cause for concern.

What should have been concern for the right-mindedness of these adults was morphed into concern over a lack of safety features. Because really, a product should probably include every possible cause of injury or death in its packaging. I'm not sure your level of marketing expertise, but it's fairly safe to say that a 3000-word brochure on potential causes of death isn't always a major selling point for your product.

Just in case you were curious (which no doubt you were!) here's a handy excerpt from the US Consumer Product Safety Commission's report on the matter:

WASHINGTON, DC -- Kransco Group Companies and the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) warn consumers that WHAM-O backyard water slides, manufactured by Kransco and WHAM-O for years as popular summertime toys for children, should NOT be used by adults or teenagers. The toys were designed for use by children only. Use by adults and teens has the potential to result in neck injury and paralysis.

Alright, seems pretty straightforward. Go on, CPSC.

Because of their weight and height, adults and teenagers who dive onto the water slide may hit and abruptly stop in such a way that could cause permanent spinal cord injury, resulting in quadriplegia or paraplegia. The slider's forward momentum drives the body into the neck and compresses the spinal cord.

Ouch. But again, makes sense.

Kransco reports that seven adults who used WHAM-O slides suffered neck injuries, quadriplegia, or paraplegia. A 13-year- old teenager suffered a fractured neck while using a WHAM-O slide. The incidents occurred between 1973 and 1991.

Considering this report was released in the early 90s, that's a pretty troubling grace period before taking a clear stand on this. Oh, you know, it's been happening for 18 years, but we wanted to make sure this lifetime paralysis was the real deal.

According to Kransco, 9 million WHAM-O water slides called Slip 'N Slide, Super Slip 'N Slide, Slip 'N Splash, White Water Rapids, Fast Track Racers, and Wet Banana were sold nationwide from 1961 to February 1992. The slides are long plastic sheets with stakes to secure the sheet to a flat lawn free of rocks, mounds, and depressions. Some slides included an inflatable raft to slide on the plastic sheet; others may have an inflatable pool at the end of the slide.

Oh no, not Wet Banana!

CPSC and Kransco urge adults and teenagers NOT to use the WHAM-O backyard slides. Consumers should read the warnings and instructions on the box and on the toy itself which state that the product is NOT intended for adult use. Adults should instruct children how to use the slides safely.

So there you have it. Slip n' Slide. Sure, it may be risky, but again, who wants to schlep all the way out to the beach when you can lay out a bright yellow roll of cheap, non-durable plastic?

Case closed.

A Little Something to Get You Through Your Weekend...

I have yet to get around to writing about the Golden Girls' because I'm a tad concerned about not doing this comedic gem justice in blog post form. I keep putting it off for some imaginary date when I will have adequate time and motivation to sufficiently convey its hilarity. Until then, here's a little something to tide you over and give you a heaping spoonful of 90s humor to hold you for the weekend.

As sad as I was to hear of Bea Arthur's passing, it did remind me of a little something I vaguely recollected from the 1996 MTV Movie Awards. I will admit up front that this is 100% cheating to in any way link this to Bea Arthur as she was the only Golden Girl who did not appear in this, but I remembered this clip existed earlier this week and felt it was my duty as distributor of all things sacred and 90s to pass it on to you.

This Clueless spoof had me laughing so hard I nearly ruptured an internal organ, and not because it's so brilliantly scripted. In actuality, the script is no comedic revelation and the spoof lifts many lines nearly word-for-word from the original film. No, the real humor is all in the uncanny Clueless-to-Golden-Girls visual translation. I don't want to give it away, so you will just have to watch it for yourselves.

Without further ado, the Golden Girls (or perhaps the Golden Palace, as it is sans Bea) do Clueless:





Happy weekend, everyone!