Before They Were Famous: Our Favorite Stars' Early TV Bit Parts

Don't forget to entire the Children of the 90s Ultimate Nostalgia-Fest 2010 Giveaway! It's open until Wednesday, February 17. Click here to see rules and enter for your chance to win some fun Goosebumps, BSC, Magic Eye, Lisa Frank, Pete and Pete, and more!

It's hard to imagine major TV or film stars as anything less than bona fide celebrities, but all of them had to work their way to the top. In Hollywood terms, that usually means paying your dues in sitcom or soap opera appearances until you're eventually discovered and whisked off into a series of starring roles. It's got to give us hope for those of us who aren't quite at the eventual level of achievement we envision for ourselves; heck, at our age, George Clooney was still just a random handyman on Facts of Life and Quention Tarantino was a second-row Elvis impersonator on The Golden Girls. I guess that means we've all got a good twenty years or so to grow into two-time Sexiest Man of the Year or wildly successful quirky screenwriter/producer/actor/director.

That's certainly reassuring, considering many of these stars have gone on to achieve fame and fortune that outstrip even our wildest of future fantasies. It's nice to see that once upon a time, these well-known celebrities were putting in their time and trying to make it just like the rest of us. So sit, back, relax, and luxuriate in the realization that you have plenty of time to reach our ultimate goals. It's even further consolation to know that by the time we meet those goals, some of these stars may be relegated to beauty pageant hosting gigs and Dancing With the Stars appearances. Circle of life and all that.

While many, many television and movie actors started with bit roles on sitcoms or daytime soaps, I present to you a random smattering of both the memorable and the obscure:


George Clooney: Facts of Life


People are always saying Clooney has gotten more attractive with age, but watching him in this mid-80s clip I'd have to argue that he was always pretty darn good looking. 80s and 90s TV tended to be wholly unoriginal in assigning names to guest stars, often simply assigning the actor a fictitious last name to supplement their real-life first. Accordingly, Clooney played be-mulleted handyman George Burnett for two seasons on The Facts of Life. He took on a number of other bit parts, including roles on Roseanne and The Golden Girls, before striking figurative TV oil with ER.



Leonardo DiCaprio, Hilary Swank, Matthew Perry, and Brad Pitt: Growing Pains

That's Hilary Swank at her locker, in case you missed her

Apparently Growing Pains served as a functional launching pad for all sorts of young stars. DiCaprio played Luke Brower, a homeless kid the Seavers eventually adopt. Luke was a Cousin Oliver-type character, a last-ditch attempt to win over people with a cute kid and distract them from the show's decline.

Hilary Swank had a much smaller role (you can see her at her locker in the first clip), but her few lines managed to garner her some attention from Hollywood agents. She'd have to suffer through The Next Karate Kid before eventually segueing into more respectable roles like Beverly Hills, 90210. Oh, and you know, those Oscar roles of hers. Not too shabby for a girl who had just a few lines on Growing Pains.

Brad Pitt: dreamy even with a borderline mullet

Some people are so attractive it's essentially their service to society to become celebrities. In the case of Brad Pitt, I'd say he owed it to us. 80s and 90s sitcoms had a bad habit of recasting the same actors in multiple bit parts, apparently assuming their entire audience had severe short term memory loss. Along this vein, Pitt played two parts on GP: once as Carol's short-lived romantic interest and another as Ben's favorite rock star. He wasn't an especially nice guy in either role, but most of us were pretty won over by his dreamy physique. I don't care how mean he was to Carol; I still would've gone for him




Matthew Perry also appeared on the show as Carol's boyfriend Sandy, who was killed off in a drunk driving accident after just a few episodes. He actually first appeared in the short lived Growing Pains spinoff Just the 10 of Us, but apparently they'd liked him so much they shuffled him back over to the original. And then, you know, killed him off almost immediately. How thoughtful.



Ben Savage: Wonder Years



There he is at 4:20. How cute are the two of them? Boy Meets World's Ben Savage is Wonder Years' Fred Savage's younger brother, so it was of course adorable to have the two guest star in this Valentine's episode. They're pretty good at pretending to be strangers, what with the whole, "Hey you! Kid!" ruse they've got going on.



John Stamos: General Hospital



Obviously this feathered look was his hairstyle of choice for many, many years. It took all the way from General Hospital in 1983 to the early Full House years. Stamos is by far the best actor in this scene, though for a soap opera his style is a bit understated. He seems a little too relaxed in the midst of all the drama.



Christina Applegate: Family Ties



Before she was dizzy 90s blonde Kelly Bundy on Married With Children, Christina Applegate had a number of small sitcom roles. Applegate appeared on Family Ties in an episode shamelessly geared toward launching Tina Yothers' misguided music career. Applegate plays one of her band members, and I must say, in this clip she really rocks those shoulder pads. What else would you expect from the fashion maven of Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead?



Michelle Tratchenberg: Pete and Pete



Even before her starring role in Harriet the Spy (complete with signature Nickelodeon bright orange-VHS tape), Michelle Tratchenberg played Nona on The Adventures of Pete and Pete. It's a far cry from her mean-girl act on Gossip Girl these days, but she is pretty adorable in an un-self conscious, desperately needs-braces type of way.




Jennifer Aniston: Ferris Bueller



Following the success of John Hughes' Ferris Bueller's Day Off, the movie was optioned as a TV show starring none of the original cast. Jennifer Aniston was virtually unknown at the time, debuting in a reprisal of Jennifer Grey's Jeannie Bueller. The show lost steam quickly and was canceled after just a few episodes, but we did get something good out of it: a mid-season replacement Blossom. And Jennifer Aniston's burgeoning career, of course.



Ricky Martin on General Hospital



He may not be a household name today, but in the late 90s we were all pretty loco over singer Ricky Martin. Somewhere in between his Menudo days and his rise to astronomical fame as a solo artist, Martin find the time to play Miguel, a singer/bartender on General Hospital. His acting wasn't anything to write home about, but like most of these 80s and 90s soap-starting stars, his hair may have been.



Jessica Alba: The Secret World of Alex Mack



Oh, this one really takes me back. Just hearing them reference "GC-161" is enough to bring me back to the day of Alex's ill-fated chemical spill. When her mom tries to saddle her with that Trolls lunchbox, it's pure 90s. There's Alba at 7:25, playing the stock mean girl character. Her acting isn't especially impressive, but she's cute enough for us to overlook it. I'm guessing this means she never went through an awkward stage. When the rest of us were gawky and awkward, Alba was well on her way to Amazonian goddesshood. Then again, I saw photos from her few months post-baby bikini photo shoot--I think she's got some sort of genetic upper hand on all of us.



Parker Posey on As The World Turns



If you don't know already, I'm a pretty devoted fan of Christopher Guest Films. I've always found Parker Posey to be hilarious, with great comic timing and spot-on deadpan. Imagine my surprise, then, to learn that Posey actually paved her path to independent movie fame with a recurring role on daytime soap As The World Turns. It's always a little jarring to realize an actor or actress you respect once appeared on a soap; it's like finding out that an esteemed author once ghostwrote Sweet Valley High novels. You might have found them entertaining, sure, but it's not exactly a claim to fame. This stint has probably moved pretty far down on Posey's resume, though. I think she's redeemed herself from the uncertain fate of wooden-acted soap roles.



Quentin Taratino: Golden Girls



This isn't the best quality video, I know, but these specific TV moments are sometimes hard to pinpoint in the vast expanses of cyberspace. In case you missed him in that one-second video-recorded-off-the-TV clip, here's a handy photo helper from Motivated Photos:


Yes, that's right...Quentin Tarantino appeared as one of the many Elvis impersonators who mistakenly populated the audience at Sophia's wedding to Max Weinstock. Is it troubling that I could rattle off all of those details off the top of my head? I've seen this episode more times than I can count, but I never once noticed Tarantino. He's not exactly in a prominent role, but it is definitely an interesting piece of trivia to know. That Motivated Photo poster cracks me up, too. I am totally going to greet him that way if I ever run into him.


Like I said, all of these big names started from pretty meager beginnings, so there may be hope for you yet. Their equivalent of entry-level positions might be a little more exciting than our own, but it's a small comfort to know they had to work their way up. Plus, based on what we've seen in the above clips, I'd say each and every one of you is probably a qualified enough actor to have a supporting role on one of those soap operas. Really.

Double Dare

Don't forget to entire the Children of the 90s Ultimate Nostalgia-Fest 2010 Giveaway! It's open until Wednesday, February 17. Click here to see rules and enter for your chance to win some fun Goosebumps, BSC, Magic Eye, Lisa Frank, Pete and Pete, and more!

Why don't we offer the Physical Challenge as a viable alternative to difficult tasks anymore? It always worked for our pals on Double Dare. Just picture it. You're in a crowded classroom taking your bar exam and you come across an exceptionally confounding question. Imagine how much simpler things would be if you could simply alert the proctor you were going to take the Physical Challenge instead. You'd get up from your desk, put on the giant clown pants, and proceed to catch flying pies catapulting toward you at breakneck speed. "Pie in the Pants" was a credible recourse for baffled minds on 90s kids game shows; why not extend it to other arenas? At the very least, it would give some much needed excitement and spontaneity to those boring hours-long tests.

In actuality, not much of the Double Dare world translates into real life. It's a testament to the show's creators' creativity--or insanity, depending on your sense of whimsy and wonder. It was like some sort of alternate kid fantasy universe: children slimed their parents, slid down a giant Sundae Slide, and went home with armloads of cash and prizes. It was crazy and nonsensical and criminally messy, but it was undeniably pure kid-driven fun.

It's another one of those Nickelodeons 80s and 90s anomalies where you'd just got to wonder what was running through the network executives' respective heads when the Double Dare creators pitched them the show. "We open with a messy challenge, see. Then we move onto a random, disjointed trivia round that's actually an excuse to stump kids and have them opt for an even messier challenge. Next, the team with the most points attempts an utterly insane obstacle course, searching for flags in piles of sloppy food, swimming through vats of jello, running on a giant hamster wheel, and monkey barring their way over to the spewing Gak Geiser. If they make it, they go to space camp and get to thow up on one of those anti-gravity simulation spinny rides. How does that sound?" To which we can only imagine the Nickelodeon bigwigs replied, "Excellent! We'll take 500 episodes."

The show went through a series of reformatted and re-imagined incarnations, but the underlying structure remained the same. First up, we had Super Sloppy Double Dare:



It seems the major differentiating feature of Super Sloppy Double Dare was that it was not just regular sloppy but indeed super sloppy. The original version of Double Dare was messy, but SSDD brought disgusting sloppiness to a whole new level. The challenges existed for the sole purpose of creating the most explosive mess imaginable. This version had more thematic episodes and gimmicks, but the main change was probably in the significant increase in the number of janitors employed by the show.

There was the quickly-dropped Celebrity Double Dare concept:



This version never actually made it into production, so all we have to remember it by is this pilot footage. It was mostly like Double Dare, but everything was just a tiny bit off, meaning fans would probably never accept it. It was hosted by a feathered-haired Bruce Jenner, who depending on your generation is either that dashing Wheaties box-gracing Olympian or the frozen-faced dad on Keeping Up With the Kardashians.


Next up we had the popular Family Double Dare:

This clip hails from the Nickelodeon (not FOX) era. Just in case you were curious.

For this version, the show had a brief stint on the Fox network in a Saturday night timeslot. As the name implies, this version pitted two families against one another in lieu of all-kid teams. Teams included two parents and two children. Families cycled through the same segments as in the original Double Dare (Opening Stunt, Physical Challenges, Triva, Obstacle Course) but it was a new plane of funny to watch adults wade through knee-deep slime ravines. The show moved back to Nickelodeon in 1990, where it continued to humiliate parents everywhere through the cunning use of pies.

We also had Super Special Double Dare, which was basically a pared down retooling of Celebrity Double Dare. We had sports stars, Nick stars, and minor celebrities competing for charity. I don't know if it necessarily lived up to its promise of being Super Special, but it was at the very least averagely special.

Unfortunately, the Double Dare book didn't close then. There was actually a Double Dare 2000 version, or as 90s children may better know it, The Version That Shall Not Be Named. Heresy, I tell you. Um, hi, they called the Obstacle Course the Slopstacle Course. Really? Really? They should be ashamed of themselves. Where's my beloved host Marc Summers? What? Relegated to an executive consultant credit? For shame.


Can you believe this was already ten years ago? Depressing, no?

Speaking of Marc Summers, Double Dare and his ever-expanding portfolio of other Nickelodeon hosting duties turned him into the poster child for irony. Unbeknownst to the world (and to Marc, until he was diagnosed at age 43), Summers suffered from obsessive compulsive disorders. Yes, that's right. The man who brought us our daily dose of super sloppiness later went on to co-author the book, "Everything in its Place: My Trials and Triumphs with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."



Double Dare lived on in syndicated reruns for many years following its 1992 cancellation. As Summers remarks in his book, "We had enough episodes on tape to do reruns forever." Indeed, the pure volume of episodes must speak to the high demand for this type of purely entertaining children's television programming. Yes, the show had a trivia question or two thrown in for good measure, but it was far from educational. It taught us something far more valuable: how to have fun and be kids. Oh, and how to dig a flag out of a Super Sloppy Blue Plate Special. I'm still thinking that one's going to come in handy someday.

90s Songs We Did Not Understand (or That Were Pretty Darn Inappropriate for Us to Like) as Children: Volume Two

Don't forget to entire the Children of the 90s Ultimate Nostalgia-Fest 2010 Giveaway! It's open until Wednesday, February 17. Click here to see rules and enter for your chance to win some fun Goosebumps, BSC, Magic Eye, Lisa Frank, Pete and Pete, and more!

Innocence is wasted on the young. As we grow older, we learn the world isn't the squeaky clean playground we grew up believing it to be. The glossy veneer cracks, and we start to see the equivalent of a caravan of ceepy windowless vans filled with lollipop-luring sickos lurking in the shadows. Things start to get real adult, real fast, and there's just no going back to the blissful ignorance of our younger days.

It's a phenomenon that occurs in every generation. Kids hear a song on the radio, they like the rhythm or the music, and suddenly they're shocking adults everywhere by parroting the X-rated lyrics in crowded, conspicuous places. Just a few weeks back I saw a little girl at the mall merrily humming to herself, eventually segueing into, "Let's have some fun/this beat is sick/I want to take a ride on your disco stick." Needless to say, her mother was less than pleased. Mama Gaga looked generally mortified as she tried to convince her sweet little kindergartener to keep that one to herself, but she should at least be comforted by the notion that her daughter didn't mean a word of it. The little girl likes Lady Gaga because she styles her hair like Minnie Mouse and she assumes Gaga's mom doesn't force her to wear pants. It's not a philosophical alignment, it's a matter of naive juvenile taste and general wardrobe envy.

Like that little girl, so many of us likely humiliated our parents by singing what we thought were our favorite songs in busy public spaces filled with their tongue-clucking judgmental peers. We didn't mean anything by it; we didn't even marginally comprehend what we were saying. In fact, in many cases we got the illicit lyrics wrong, which made the songs all the more confusing to us as we got older and tried to unwrap their elusive meanings. For the longest time, I thought the lyrics to Ludacris's "What's Your Fantasy" were "Backseat, windows up/that's the way I like my truck." I was always sort of wondering how he could drive it if he was stuck sitting in the back. Honestly, I wasn't even that young when it came out, I just couldn't understand the words. When the song comes up on my iTunes on shuffle, I realize the entire song is a full-out graphic description. How I missed that one as a kid is a testament to the ramifications of abstinence-only sex education.

We all have those "Aha!" moments when it all comes together and we wash away the sweet innocence of youth. After reading up on some of these song lyrics, I feel like I need to wash away more than that; many of them may necessitate a cold shower. Maybe you were all far more streetwise than I at a young age, but I'm willing to guess there was some level of misunderstanding somewhere along the way. At the least, they were sure to have made our parents cringe hearing us singing along to these songs on the radio.






Crash Into Me (Dave Matthews Band)



What's more romantic than a song about a peeping tom? In his appearance on VH1's Storytellers, Matthews explained the song was about a guy watching a woman through her window. Sweet, right? The lyrics weren't exactly enigmatic; it all should have been pretty clear had I not been in elementary school at the time. I mean, "Hike up your skirt a little more/and show the world to me" isn't exactly great metaphor.

On an aside, Clear Channel Communications included this song on its memorandum to radio stations regarding lyrically questionable songs in light of the September 11th attacks. Abit of a stretch, right? It would be one thing if a song titled "Crash Into Me" was written from the point of view of a building, but this seems like an unnecessarily sensitive precaution.



Touch Myself (DiVinyls)



I know, this one isn't exactly subtle, but not all of us were savvy enough to realize two and two made four. I have no idea how this one got past the censors, but I distinctly remember doing a talent show dance to this song at summer camp. To be fair, it was the year Austin Powers came out and this was one of the few CDs our bunk had on hand, but really. We saw absolutely nothing wrong with it, but someone probably should have.



Closer (Nine Inch Nails)



To be fair, the radio edits on "Closer" were pretty extensive. Most of us had no idea that we didn't understand it until we heard an uncut version of the song. Looking at it from an adult perspective, it sounds to be about a man who attempts to escape his life through sex. "I want to feel you from the inside" should probably have been a clue, but I always thought "You bring me closer to God" meant it was a religious song.



Gin and Juice (Snoop Dogg)



I'm surprised there were any words left in the song once it was cleaned up for radio play. As a kid, I was almost positive I knew all the words to this song. It was only when I started hearing it at college parties that I realized all those muted-out spots from the radio contain actual lyrics. Who knew?



I'll Make Love to You (Boyz II Men)



Perhaps it's not so much that we didn't understand this one, but the fact that it was so inappropriately played as a slow dance song at bar mitzvahs and middle school dances. Who thinks this is a good snowball song for 11-13 year olds? I can just imagine the parents or teachers on the outskirts of the dance floor, looking on in horror as we swayed arythmically to this song. At least we were still at that age where a slow dance meant maximum distance between couples with awkward ramrod straight arms. We weren't considering the meaning, we were too busy trying not to notice the unfortunate height difference between the middle school girls and boys.


She Talks to Angels (Black Crowes)



This song definitely has a melancholy feel to it, even to a less-than-perceptive kid. Still, I never gave second thought to the meaning behind it. I just thought this chick talked to angels. Very spiritual, you know? Obviously it ran a little deeper than that, examining a woman who lost a child and turned to drugs for escape. After all these years, I never put that together. It's something of a revelation. I knew the song was sad, sure, but it runs much deeper than we ever could have realized as children.


Feels So Good (Mase)

No joke, here he is performing "Feels So Good" live on All That. For kids. Yes, it's an edited version, but those are 12-year olds rocking out in the front row

I distinctly remember buying this CD single in 6th grade and singing along to it at sleepovers with my friends. Someone would belt out, "Bad, bad, bad, boy, you make me feel so gooood" and the others would chime in on backup on "You know you make me feel so good, oh, you know you make me feel so good." We were pretty naive to the actual connotations of the lyrics, so I'm glad we could never quite understand the verses. Mumbling along is a whole lot better than hearing a 12-year old rap, "I'd hit everything from Cancun to Grant's Tomb." I still do rather like that that part that goes, "Do Mase get the ladies? Yeah, Yeah." It really is pretty catchy.


What's Your Fantasy (Ludacris)



Okay, okay, this one is pushing it. It came out in 2000, so there's almost no way any of us could have missed the subject matter on this one though we might not have been totally clear on all of the graphic references. This song got all kinds of specific. I'm still not sure I understand all of it.



Pony (Ginuwine)



I think they used to play this one at our local roller rink during birthday parties. I guess I should just be relieved that they didn't use it for a couples' skate. It's pretty explicit, so it must be a testament to the innocence of my 10-year old self. I'm not sure if they bleeped any of it or what, but my research (read: Googling) indicates that the chorus goes, "If you're horny, let's do it/ride it, my pony/my saddle's waiting/come and jump on it." Is it too embarrassing to admit I really thought it was about a guy and his pony? I was still at an age where owning a pony was the ultimate goal, so it's not that off base.


There She Goes (The La's, later covered by Sixpence None the Richer)



Upon first listen, this song sounds fairly innocent. According to the La's, it's strictly PG rated, but the rumors seem pretty convincing. "There She Goes" sounds like it's about a woman, but closer inspection of the lyrics gives us reason to believe it may be about heroin use instead. You know, "...racing through my brain/pulsing through my vein/no one else can heal my pain" and all that. The La's denied the rumor, and the public might be guilty of overspeculation, but it's definitely not something we would have picked up on as kids.


Anytime, Any Place (Janet Jackson)



Looking back, I think that the PSA-style caveat at the end of the music video should have tipped us off. It said, "Any time, any place...be responsible." To a child, that means pick up your toys and don't spend all of your allowance on ice cream. How were we to know it was a cleverly incorporated safe sex campaign?



They say you can't go back, and looking as these songs now proves that all too well. It's nice to think there was once a time when all of these references had yet to corrupt our impressionable young minds. We were free to sing out as loud as we wanted without having a clue what we were saying. Adults everywhere may have been horrified to hear us spewing this filth, but most of us were none the wiser.

Romeo + Juliet

Don't forget to entire the Children of the 90s Ultimate Nostalgia-Fest 2010 Giveaway! It's open until Wednesday, February 17. Click here to see rules and enter for your chance to win some fun Goosebumps, BSC, Magic Eye, Lisa Frank, Pete and Pete, and more!

There's no better way to tick off the purists than to come up with some newfangled punk rock version of their treasured masterpiece and market it to teenagers. Really, nothing will get these staunch traditionalists fuming like the infusion of popular youth culture into their beloved classics. It seems their assessment of art as timeless isn't always compatible with timeliness. Sure, they might think it nice to renew an entire generation's appreciation for classical drama, but I doubt they were on board with the assertive trendiness of it all.

If you're going to fiddle with the original, chances are your resultant work will be pretty divisive. Some people are just more open to change than others. In the case of 90s adolescents, though, I the probability was far greater that they were more open to the notion of Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. Throw in a couple of attractive young stars and teenagers are willing to overlook the fact that it's the same book they've been struggling with in their 9th grade English class. Pump up the rock music loud enough and we can just about tune out the iambic pentameter altogether.


The whole thing plays out sort of like a fast-paced music video, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It might sound like Shakespeare lite, but director Baz Luhrman sticks pretty firmly to the original verse. If he'd reworked the script into slangy teenspeak-addled fluff, the effect wouldn't be quite so jarring. Instead, Luhrman simply plucks the Shakespearean characters from their Verona setting and conveniently deposits them in the surreal modern Miami-area Verona Beach. We've got guns, we've got fast cars, and we've got more "thees" and "thous" than we know what to do with. Luhrman throws the 16th and 20th centuries in a blender and gave us a delicious (and to be honest, occasionally fruity) mixture of new and old.

Like I said, it wasn't for everybody. It may not have been your particular vial of poison. Whatever your personal taste, you have to admit that it quickly morphed into a cultural phenomenon. It's hard to think of a Shakespearean tragedy as emblematic of young people in the 90s, but Luhrman's iconic updated adaptation seemed to pull it off. It was almost aggressively hip with its attractive young stars, loud music, and a drag queen Mercutio. In short, it struck a chord with young people because we had a lot in common with the film: it was the same thing people have enjoyed for generations, but it still managed to piss off adults. It was the story of our lives. You know, minus the whole star cross'd lovers bit.



Watch that trailer and tell me you don't find it just a tiny bit cool. Even critics have got to grudgingly concede that Luhrman managed to put a uniquely trendy spin on the original. It takes some pretty flowy creative juices to cast the Capulets and Montagues into gangs feuding over corporate industry turf. They may not be able to dance like their West Side Story counterparts, but they make up for it with a wealth of dramatic violence. With their sword-brand guns, of course.

The movie opens with a newscaster reporting on the star-crossed lovers, quickly segueing into a quick-paced montage of our main characters. We meet the Montagues and Capulets, but they're not quite the families we remmber from English class:


Romeo + Juliet Opening
Uploaded by gmprunner. - Check out other Film & TV videos.

Things slow down a bit when our heroes get their requisite cinematic meet-cute at a masquerade party. They spot each other across an aquarium, and plunge immediately into headstrong, family-defying love. Claire Danes looks ethereal and beautiful, and Leo looks every bit as handsome as in any of his many 90s Bop! magazine appearances. It's all very romantic and subdued, especially when compared to the rest of the film's breakneck sense of urgency.



To anyone who's read or even heard of the play, what's in store for our doomed lovers doesn't come as much of a surprise. Juliet is betrothed to Paris, who doesn't seem like such a punishment when you consider he's played by Paul Rudd. Actually the casting choices in general always sort of amused me. I like Brian Dennehy as Romeo's father, but it always sort of odd to think that Romeo and Tommy Boy have the same dad. But alas, I digress. Juliet and Father Laurence hatch what they think to be a foolproof plan, but Romeo misunderstands and presumes Juliet dead. In this version, she actually wakes up and sees him after he took the poison. It's all very serious and somber until Claire Danes breaks into the fakest crying I have ever heard in my life. I love the movie and I'm a fan of Claire Danes, but that just can't go without mention. It's criminally bad.




This has become something of a love-it or hate-it kind of movie. When it came out, I loved it without question. It was edgy and cool and the cameras moved all over the place really really fast, so I was pretty sure it spoke to me on a personal level. To view it more objectively now in the more boring and analytical adult sense, I see where people find fault. I'd say if you're a naturally critical person or a purist, there's not a lot of wiggle room for liking this one. Conversely, if you're the type who is more willing to get caught up in the moment, it's far likelier you're a fan.

Romeo + Juliet performed well in theaters despite the mixed reviews. Some critics praised the film's originality and talented young stars. Others were not quite so won over by the film. Roger Ebert went so far as to remark, "The desperation with which it tries to 'update' the play and make it 'relevant' is greatly depressing." If anything, this might have just make us love the movie with greater ferocity. After all, isn't that the definitive sign of youth culture? If adults hate something, teenagers have an automatic responsibility to love it. If Romeo and Juliet could act against their parents' disapproval, the least we could do was pay homage by liking Luhrman's version.

Memorable 90s Game Commercials: Jingles That Will Occupy Valuable Brainspace for Eternity

Don't forget to entire the Children of the 90s Ultimate Nostalgia-Fest 2010 Giveaway! It's open until Wednesday, February 17. Click here to see rules and enter for your chance to win some fun Goosebumps, BSC, Magic Eye, Lisa Frank, Pete and Pete, and more!

A catchy advertising jingle can be a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it's a surefire way to ensure that your product is a memorable one. If you've got consumers humming your commercial tune as they pass your item in the store, you know you've effectively set up camp somewhere deep within their hippocampus. Their limbic systems are undoubtedly clogged with your over-exaggerated guitar riffs and exclamation point-punctuated lyrics. On the inverse, your key demographic will probably grow to find your TV spot so irritating that they've developed fantasies of setting your company's ad recording studio ablaze in a fury of arsonist proportions. To sum all that up, you've got a good chance of coming up with something viewers will remember, but a far slimmer chance to coming up with something they'll like.

Sometimes when I'm trying to balance my checkbook or divide 1399034 by 3324235 in my head, I shake my fist heavenward, cursing the ad exec who jammed up my valuable brain real estate with his hook-laden commercial jingles. I'm convinced that if I'd never seen that Crossfire commercial, I'd be able to fill up an abandoned lecture hall chalkboard Good Will Hunting style, no problem. You see, the problem isn't in my own finite mental capacity. It's in the commercial jingle squatters who've built up makeshift shantytowns all over my brain's memory centers. We all could have been great thinkers of our generation had we never heard a Hungry Hungry Hippos conga.

While there are multiple offenders in the case of our brains v. trivial television knowledge, the Most Wanted would probably be children's commercials. In this case, TV spots for children's games. Take a quick stroll with me down memory lane and see if you can't recall these catchy jingles. You might no longer be able to memorize the national foods of northern European countries, but dammit you can break into jingle with minimal provocation. That may just have to be the best we can hope for at this advanced stage of memory blockage.


Twister: The Hot Spot!



I know I say this a lot, but this commercial is just so 90s. The extreme music, the quick shot-switching camera tricks, that corny wavy crayoned-on graphic; all signs point to 90s. It's like we couldn't come up with a special effect or camera trick without having to immediately incorporate it into every film-related endeavor. The lyrics are pretty convincing, though: "There's excitement goin' round/there's a party goin' down/Twister! The hot spot!" Get it? A party going down? Oh, 90s jingle composers. Is there no end to your double meaning witticisms?



Perfection: Pop! Goes Perfection


Just watching this commercial is enough to get my heart pumping fast. It takes me right back to the frantic assembly of the board before it scared the bejeezus out of me with it's unprovoked popping. Luckily, I never came down with that condition the guy in the commercial has. I've yet to see any geometric pieces expand and retract from within my splayed chest cavity. When we get to that point, I think I'll have more to worry about than trying to deprogram that jingle from my brain.



Don't Wake Daddy: Dooooon't Waaaake Daddy!



Now here's a great game: try to sneak into the kitchen to steal food without tipping off the man of the house. No wonder our nation has such a high obesity rate when our board games are like how-to manuals on sneaking chips and cookies. The jingle gives us a stage-whispered "Is he gonna wake up?" on repeat, but it seems sort of like an empty threat. Daddy still never gets out of bed or takes off his floppy nightcap. He never chases me 'round the board for my cookies. The game is inherently flawed.



Mr Bucket: The Balls Pop Out of my Mouth


This commercial took a lot of mocking for obvious reasons. I mean, really. They couldn't think of any alternate phrase for their namesake bucket to sing than "I'm Mr Bucket! The balls pop out of my mouth!" They're not even trying.



Hungry Hungry Hippos: We're Hungry, Hungry Hippos!


Speaking of games that may have played a part in our nation's eating patterns. The entire point of the game is to gobble up criminal quantities of grub. It's not exactly a health-conscious message, but then again maybe marbles are a nutritionally sound food. And anyway, who doesn't like a good conga? We're hungry, hungry hippos! We're hungry, hungry hippos! It's pretty contagious.



Lite Brite: Turn on the Magic of Shining Light



Okay, you got me. This isn't technically a game, per se, but the song has been stuck in my head since circa 1994 and I just couldn't bear the burden alone anymore. Thanks for saddling your share.



Connect Four: Go For It!



After seeing this commercial, I couldn't wait to hang out with my expressive, wisecracking Connect Four checkers. Imagine my shock to find mine were defective. They never said a thing.



Crossfire: You'll Get Caught Up in the (Crossfire!)


I've got to hand it to these ad people. They really manage to make a moderately fun board game look a fast-paced superhero action adventure. I always thought the song went, "Crossfire, you'll get caught up in the," as if they were filing it in the library's card catalog. "Let's see, let's see...It's by last name first, so that would be 'Crossfire comma you'll get caught up in the."



Kerplunk: (Insert Badass Rap Here)


If there's a more quintessentially 90s commercial out there, let me know, because I'm pretty sure this is it. These kids are having almost too much fun. You've got to question if Kerplunk really has the power to make that little girl throw her head back and cackle in pure ecstasy. Maybe she just really likes the rap. I know it does it for me. "Start with the sticks! Like so! Makin' a pit! Where the marbles go!"



Guess Who: Can You Guess Who?


Thank goodness for that disclaimer at the end: "Game cards do not actually talk." Could you imagine what a letdown we'd have gotten if we'd just believed our game cards would spontaneously spring to life upon initiating game play? The notion is almost too exciting to bear. Fortunately, our dream-crushing friends over at Milton Bradley have made sure to quash any sense of childlike whimsy and imagination.



Mousetrap: The Fun is Catching!


The fun is catching. Hmm. I mean, I get it, yes, very clever, but it sounds like we all need to wear swine-flu facemasks to engage in a simple round of mouse-trapping. I did always like those scheming cartoon mice at the beginning of the ad. They seem so determined to chart their route, I almost felt a little guilty thwarting their well-laid plans.


It's a testament to these ad campaigns that we can still hum along to their corny jingles fifteen-odd years down the road. I suppose there are worse things to have squatter's rights on your mindspace. You might not be able to solve a quadratic equation without a bit of scrap paper, but at least you'll have some good internal theme music going while you try to work it out.

Children of the 90s Nostalgia-Fest 2010 Giveaway!

So, I have a confession to make. Since we've all been being honest and doing lots of sharing here at Children of the 90s this week, I guess I'll just lay it out straight for you. I had every intention of putting up a full post for today, but you ever-patient readers are going to have to wait till Monday. I just can't contain my excitement over the criminally nostalgic stash of 90sness I've assembled for my 500 follower celebratory giveaway. I've put in what can only be described as an insane amount of effort into amassing some 90s goodies, and this level of personal time investment can't be reduced to just a link at the bottom of a post. I can only hope you all like the 90s gift basket I've assembled half as much as I do. If you don't, I'm a bit worried I might end up keeping it myself.

I love giveaways and I've thought a lot about doing one of my own, but the timing never seemed quite right. Until now, that is, when I had a day off brimming with spare time to search far and wide for the most memorable 90s items still available. It wasn't easy; most of the stuff we get all glassy-eyed about over here no longer graces the shelves at our favorite stores. The new versions of many of our favorite toys pale in comparison. And the ones that don't (I'm looking at you, awesome new Bop It) are out of my giveaway price range.

That said, I think you are going to get pretty pumped over the giveaway fruits of my 90s searching labors. I live right by one of the largest used bookstores in the country, so imagine my delight to find just how many awesome authentic items were available at my fingertips in like-new condition. Granted, it's hard to come by mint editions of these items, and I'm all about health and safety and not getting sued so I'm going to forego the discontinued foods route. Nope, what I've put together is a fun little cross section of 90s childhood, conveniently packaged and delivered to your doorstep. Assuming you win, that is.

This could be you! With better fashion color sense, though

Just to give you an idea of what I went through to bring you this superior childhood nostalgia-themed givewaway, imagine the reaction of a checkout employee when they see you bounding toward the register with the following items in tow. The Half-Price Books cashier was pretty cool, he looked to be maybe a few years older than me. He definitely gave me the single raised eyebrow (a talent I have yet to achieve) and asked, "So...are these for you?" I wish I was better at real-life self promotion, in which case I would have responded brightly, "No, they're for a super reader giveaway at my always-growing 90s themed website! Come check it out!" Instead I mumbled, "Um...no," and busied myself searching in my purse.

To the credit of my selections though, they definitely met the approval of my cashier. He waxed poetic about the virtues of Goosebumps and Choose Your Own Adventure books, calling them "kick-ass" and giving me a great in to tell him all about Children of the 90s. Luckily for all of you, I was too embarrassed from coming to the register with a heaping armload of 90s children's items, so that means a better chance of winning for all of you! I'm sure if I've been wearing one of our soon-to-exist Children of the 90s T-shirts, though, it would have made an easy and less embarrassing segue into explanation of my purchases. Keep an eye out here, because these shirts are coming. Soonish.

Here's how it works: to gain one entry into the Children of the 90s Nostalgia-Fest 2010 Giveaway, simply comment below and mention which of the items you'd be most excited about winning. Remember, they're all a package deal, but I'm curious to see how my choices go over. To gain a second entry into the giveaway, become a follower on Blogger and let me know in your comment. For a third, become a Facebook fan and drop a note in the comments. For the fourth and final available entry, let me know if you've tweeted or blogged about the giveaway. It just that easy!

One last thing: due to my meager paycheck-induced poverty, I have yet to replace my now-broken digital camera. I was able to find images of all of the items online, but none are the actual images of the items. I promise, though, they do exist, and they all look almost exactly like the photos Google images was sweet enough to round up for me. I think that's about it for the fine print. Without further ado, I present to you...(*drumroll*) the contents of the first ever Children of the 90s Nostalgia Fest giveaway! (*resounding applause*)

All this could be yours!


Disney Magic Eye

Milk Moustache Mania

A book of many of the the popular milk mustache campaign ads with background information. What's not to love?

Goosebumps: My Hairiest Adventure


Help! I'm Trapped in My Teacher's Body



BSC Super Special #11: The Baby-Sitters Remember



Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul



Magic Grow Capsules:

(Again, photo not of actual item....you get wildlife, not dinosaurs! Who doesn't love wildlife?)

Rainbow Nerds

Lisa Frank Sticker Dreams

This is a new pack, so we've got some updated designs here. They're on a roll so I can't see all of them, but I do see a painting panda bear. That one seems pretty promising. Anyway, in case there's no scale here...this pack is tiny. It includes 100 stickers, but they're all of the miniature variety.

And....la piece de resistance:
THE ADVENTURES OF PETE AND PETE SEASON 1 on DVD!!



Don't forget to read the above rules to maximize your entries :) The giveaway will close Wednesday, February 17. Good luck! Comment below to indicate your entries.

Your Burning Children of the 90s Questions Answered!

I've got to say, this has been a lot of fun. I love writing Children of the 90s, but I don't get a lot of opportunities to interact with readers. You all came up with some great questions, many of which had me pacing and deliberating over responses. I mean, really, how does one choose between JTT and Devon Sawa? It's a dilemma that might exceed the reach of even my 90s imagination. A quandry for the ages.

I powered through the tough ones, though, to answer all your burning questions. Well, maybe burning isn't the right word. If it applies to anything you asked, I'd recommend your question sees a doctor immediately. Anyway, if anyone else has any questions or suggestions for posts, feel free to email me at childrenofthe90s@gmail.com. Thanks everyone for your great questions and kind comments and I'm looking forward to bringing you plenty more nostalgic pop culture entertainment in the coming months. I'm also scouting for some exciting giveaway prizes, so keep your eyes out for some forthcoming 90s swag.

Without further ado, your answers:

Shannon asks, "Do you have any nostalgic collections?"

I'll be straight with you, this one isn't mine, it's from Google images. Impressive, though, right?

I used to, which I guess would mean that collections themselves were not nostalgic at the time but rather that I'm nostalgic for them now. I used to collect troll dolls. I had a pretty massive collection, but I imagine most of them have gone the way of the yard sale or the Goodwill collection. I'm still kicking myself for not saving my well-maintained pog collection. I'm not sure what I'd use them for now, but I do sort of miss them.

Now that I think about it, I do have one small collection that pays homage to my childhood: my much-glorified Golden Girls DVDs. Yep, I've got Seasons 1-7, and I watch it everyday while I get ready for work. Mock me if you must, but that show will never lose its timeless hilarity. Even the dated 80s and 90s pop culture reference jokes make me laugh.

Melissa Blake asks, "Nsync or BSB?"

Ooh, that's a tough one. The classic 90s teenybopper divide. My first-ever concert was actually the Backstreet Boys Larger Than Life tour when I was in 8th grade. I screamed, I cried, I fought a girl in the row behind me for a teddy bear dropped from a ceiling-dangling Nick. I guess the festering wounds of that stuffed animal loss never quite healed, because I was really more of an *NSYNC girl. My unwavering devotion to Justin was cultlike in its fidelity.

Cee asks, "What made you want to blog about 90s stuff? Did you have a blog before? Basically, how was this fab blog "born"?"

Good question. Sometimes it makes me laugh when people email me asking if I sell Puppy Surprises or if I know the obscure name of their local rural children's radio DJ 20 years back. I have a confession to make...I don't know anything special about the 90s. Well, actually that's not true. I do now, after churning out daily posts for the last 250 days, but when I started I was just trying out a niche topic.

It actually all started with my boyfriend, so I suppose you can thank him or blame him depending on how much valuable time you've lost to the site. I'd been talking to him about how I loved to write, and I'd love to get in a practice of writing daily so I could eventually write a book. By eventually I meant in 20 years, but he's far less patient (read: less lazy) than me. He convinced me to start something up. I didn't have a blog before, actually. I didn't want to make it personal because I was afraid of being blog-outed at work. Of course, a lot of personal anecdotes started slipping in; I couldn't keep it totally objective. If I wanted to write anything funny, I realized I'd probably have to lay myself down on the altar of shame and sacrifice blackmail-worthy past humiliations for the greater good of 90s entertainment.

I'd spent hours on sites like Cakewrecks and Stuff White People Like, so I started thinking of something I could write about daily with the goal of sticking to about 1000 words or more. Obviously I had no idea what I was getting into, but I'm really enjoying the experience nonetheless!

Tara asks, "Does it ever get hard to think of something 90's to blog about? Do you think a time will come when you'll just run out?"

I definitely didn't draw this, but I wish I had. Isn't it amazing?

I'd have to say yes and maybe. To the first question, it definitely is tougher than I thought. When I started, I had infinite possibilities, which of course I squandered on my then reader-less blog. I actually put together a sort of "master list" of ideas. I managed to come up with about 300, which is clearly insane and represents the inordinate amount of downtime I have at the office. I actually participated in a Google Blogger study, and I was a little embarrassed when they asked to see this master list through screen-sharing. Even over the phone, I'm pretty sure they were judging me.

That said, I didn't realize going into this what a major commitment it is to write so much each day. Also, my childhood was definitely not the same as everyone else's, so it gets more difficult to think of topics to which significant proportion of 20-somethings could relate. I've learned to save websites that interest me, pick up a book or two at used book stores, and to generally keep my eyes out for anything I think might be funny and/or memorable.

Andy asks, "Of all the SNICK shows, which was your favorite and why?

That's a tough one. I'd love to act cool and say Are You Afraid of the Dark? but really I was a huge wimp as a kid. It totally gave me nightmares. I still think sometimes about that weird red swamp thing that lived in the pool...*shudder*. I'd have to say my favorite was The Secret World of Alex Mack. I would've given anything to hang out with Larissa Oleynik and see how they made her turn into a puddle of mirrored liquid. She was just too cool.

Kristen asks, "JTT or Devon Sawa?"


It's like you broke into my 13-year old mind and found all of the Bop! foldouts plastering its walls. It's almost a tie, but I think Devon Sawa really got me in Now and Then. My friend told me you could see him running naked through the woods and we tried forever to pause it at just the right moment. Never did catch it, but the fun was in the chase.

Taylor Hanson or Nick Carter?


Nick Carter, for sure. See above my resounding bitterness about not getting to keep that teddy bear he dropped at the concert.


The Wonder Years or Boy Meets World?

That's like asking someone which of their children they love more. I loved both so dearly, though my teenage years intersected more closely with Boy Meets World. I do think Wonder Years pulled the plug in time where BMW kept the show going well past its sell-by date. Either way, I'd have to say it's a toss-up.

Brunch at Saks asks, :I have been going crazy over this for a LONG time (like going on 10 years) so hear me out! When I was 8 yrs old- so roughly 93/94- I tried out to be a kid correspondent on FOX Kids. I'm sure you remember the run of shows that they would play in the morning or afternoon block, and in between the shows they would have short segments where kids would report the news. In my auditions I would do screen tests with the main male (adult) host on this show, and for the life of me I cannot remember his name! I know he was popular because when I showed kids at school my pictures with him they all thought it was so cool to meet him! I think his name was Chris something, but all of my Wikipedia and IMDB searches leave me with nothing! I also can't really find anything about the news show itself, so any info you could dig up or know of yourself would be such a help to piecing together this bad memory of mine!"

Wow, that i quite the question. First of all, I'm beyond jealous of your FOX Kids experience. Did you ever make it as a correspondent? Is it possible it was a local program? In a brief search, I found Chris Leary, a personality on the Fox Kids radio show. http://www.kyranthia.net/countdown.html It doesn't sound like he was on TV, though. I also found Chris Eddy http://www.dorkclub.com/?p=34, but he sounds possibly local to the Northern California region.

Or, was it maybe this guy:



I don't think any of these are what you're talking about, but I will keep looking! Regardless, that video is sort of entertaining so please enjoy :)

Anonymous asks, "If you were stuck on a island and could only have one VHS to watch, which one would it be?"

That's a tough one. I'd like to name some obscure, thought-provoking independent film with subtitles, but truthfully my choices in the era of VHS were not so highbrow. To be honest, I'm leaning toward Troop Beverly Hills. I know the whole movie by heart, but I still love it. It's probably tied with Clueless and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. I watched both of those on VHS at least 30 times. They're like old friends. I felt so betrayed when VHS technology went out of date, it was like severing ties with some of my closest pals.


The One With... asks, "How do you decide on your topic for the day?"

I wish I could say I have a system, but usually I look through my list and try to get inspired. A lot of the time I'll start an introduction for a few different topics before I settle on one I'd like to write about. I want to make sure it's something people can relate to. Sometimes I think I've thought of a topic that will go over well, and it seems to bomb. I like writing features that focus on several different specific topics under a more general theme umbrella--there's a better chance that y'all will find something that strikes a memory chord. It also involves less extensive research, but I swear it's not just my laziness. In the eternally wise words of Sister Hazel, it's all for you, 90s children.

Sadako asks, "Cuter Boy Meets World hottie, Eric or Shawn?"


For me, it was Eric, no contest. They both had great hear, though. Ryder Strong might win in a cool name contest, but I had a thing for Will Friedle.

The K Family asks, "Ever think about making an "I love the 80's" site as well?"
I would love to, as a lot of the memories are overlapping. Children of the 90s are usually Babies of the 80s, so there's a lot of nostalgic gray area. I've realized that writing one daily blog is a lot of work, though; I don't think I could handle two! To keep my sanity intact and the sarcasm flowing, I think I need to concentrate my efforts.

digigirl02 asks, "I was wondering if you could do a blog on pogs?"


Ah, the eternal debate. My boyfriend thinks I'm crazy for "holding on" to big topics in case I get a bunch of new readers. I don't want to give it all away too soon, or there'll be nothing left to reminisce over. This strategy seems to be a bust, though, because the topics I think people will go nuts for usually end up being pretty tame. Beanie Babies really didn't catch on the way I'd expected. Either way, a pogs post is definitely forthcoming.

Jessica Martin asks, "When's the 90210 blog?"


It's definitely in the works! I have this weird blogging tic where I'm sort of afraid to write about my favorite things for fear I won't do justice to them. I want to make sure I'm writing about those things on days when I'm really on. I'm afraid they won't be the same unless I can get some really good jokes in there. I was actually planning on writing about 90210 one day last week, but it sort of segued into a topic of 30-year old actors portraying high school students. That's really here nor there, though, I promise I would never forget 90210.


Thanks again to everyone for writing in questions and supporting this crazy blog project. When I first started it and set up Analytics, I remember seeing that 14 people had visited and I was in awe, so you can imagine my surprise to find that it's sort of catching on. You guys are the best. We're actually hashing out some T-shirt designs, I may have to put them up for a vote. I think it's a fun idea and my boyfriend (who is literally my #1 fan, according to Facebook) has been working on some very cool mock-ups. I'm off to search the Dallas area for some promising giveaway items. I can't promise a date for this mythical giveaway, but I promise to make it fun. I'll see all of you tomorrow for some good old fashioned 90s ribbing.

500 Followers and a Special Ask Children of the 90s Extravaganza

In typical self-congratulatory blog fashion, I've got to hand it to myself. I have achieved my goal at tearing hundreds of unsuspecting 90s children away from their pressing school and office to-dos all in the name of some hearty nostalgia. Yesterday I finally reached a milestone 500 blogger followers with the help of my blog friend Sadako at Dibbly Fresh. Of course, with all of the readership statistics available these days, it's hard to benchmark any progress. I'm not going to let those stats get in the way of celebration of this pure, undiluted 90s victory. Thank you for your understanding, and I humbly (sort of) accept your accolades.

Before I let my head explode from the outpouring of good reader vibes, let me say that you readers are the lifeblood of Children of the 90s. For some unknown, writing experiment-fueled reason, I've been churning out 1000+ words daily on topics near and dear to our childhood selves with zero cash income. That's right, you uphold this free service with your support, comments, and hilarious additions in the comment section. All in all, it's fun because of you all, so thanks for your reading and/or lurking. It's much appreciated.

As a thank you for your loyal devoted readership, I'd like to extend an exciting limited-time offer to you. Well, maybe don't get too excited till you hear what it is. I doubt this has got any sort of bootleg sales black market value. And really, it might not be all that exciting. Damn, that anticipatory build-up can really come back to get you.

Okay, here goes: Here's your chance to ask your loyal 90s chronicler any and all burning questions. If you have anything at all you want to ask, drop it in the comment section. In an ideal world, we'd all celebrate by chugging Surge, bedazzling each other's jean jackets, and playing a zit-sticker frenzied game of GirlTalk! Unfortunately Surge has since been discontinued, my EZ 2DO bedazzler gave out ages ago, and and I'm pretty sure my mom sold my GirlTalk! game at a yard sale. We're going to have to settle for the next best thing, so ask away.

If you don't have any pressing curiosities, feel free to just stop by the comment section and say hi. I have the handy aid of Google Analytics to let me know how many of you read each day, and it's rarely reflected in the comments. The percentage of lurkers here seems to be extraordinarily high. Don't be shy. I'd love to meet you. Heck, I'd even read your blog. Reveal yourself, lurkers. It's time.

And if you're thinking this post is a huge cop-out and a negligent disregard for my otherwise rigorous weekdaily posting standard, you might be right. Before you go on getting too grumbly over the matter, let me assure you that I have not forgotten to provide you with a doctor-recommended dose of 90s child-specific wit. In celebration of my blog buddy Andy's upcoming birthday, I am guest posting over there today. In case you don't already read his blog, he's hilarious--I highly recommend you check it out. Anywho, you can find today's birthday-inspired post over at Wild ARS Chase.


Oh, and by the by, we've been tossing around the idea of making some kick-ass Children of the 90s t-shirts. Let me know if you'd be up for purchasing one of these bad boys. For an as-of-yet undetermined cut-rate price, you too can sport the proud declaration that you are indeed a Child of the 90s. Oh, and your back can serve as a handy advertisement for my blog, meaning when you leave someone you're really just leaving them with the gift of humor-tinged nostalgia. Who wouldn't want that? Really, it sounds just wonderful.

So thanks, fellow Children of the 90s, for your continued readership and support. You guys are da bomb, and I can say that because it makes sense to all of you in a cultural context. I'm browsing for some very exciting 90s-themed giveaway items, too, so stay tuned for that. Y'all are all that and a bag of chips and don't you forget it.