Would You Rather: 90s Edition

Yesterday afternoon, my boyfriend and I were browsing a local Barnes and Noble for general bemusement purposes and I stumbled upon what can only be described as my new favorite miniature book (other than this book, which I also found to be disproportionately hilarious). As I read (well, if you can consider following my boyfriend around while shouting questions aloud in between bouts of irrepressible laughter "reading") this book, I had a sudden flash of insight. Okay, well, to be fair, my boyfriend actually suggested the idea to me (probably in an effort to quell the aforementioned following/loud reading in public areas/unstoppable guffawing), so I should probably make some effort assign him credit where it is due. (In case you missed it, that was it.)

The book is Would You Rather? by Justin Heimberg and David Gomberg, two Bergs after my own heart in terms of non-sequitor absurdist humor. I am sure that many of you have previously encountered this book in some capacity and are unimpressed by my so-called "discovery" of a title that has lined bookstore shelves since 1997, but this will not stop me from touting its glorious hilarity and ripping off its general underlying premise in a completely copyrightedly acceptable way.

Without futher ado, I proudly introduce the frequency as-of-yet-to-be-determined Children of the Nineties feature, Would you Rather? (tailored 90s-style for your nostalgic enjoyment):


Would you rather...

Have the resourceful ability to conveniently stop time in a Zach Morris "Freeze!"-style fashion

or

Possess Alex Mack's toxic waste-induced mutant powers of transformation in a puddle of movable metallic goo, telekinesis, and long-distance electronic zappage?

Possibilities to Ponder: Ability to plead your case directly to the audience, chance to briefly rearrange others in compromising positions, short-listing for Capri Sun commercials.

Explain your reasoning.